To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

[ButterbeerPancakes]

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

Morning update.

After hours of texts back and forth that escalated into a full-blown argument where I was accused of “loving money more than everything” (I mentioned small claims court), I received a bank transfer of £87, accompanied by a text saying, “I hope you’re happy now. I’ll find a way to raise the rest of the money though at least now I know who my true friends are.”

I highly suspect that she’s currently in the process of “borrowing” money from other poor, unsuspecting friends of hers so I’m just feeling pretty shite at the moment. Guess this friendship’s officially dead in the water then.

Her use of words at so interesting. She cannot see the irony. Well now you know. She loves your money more than your friendship.

I should have added. I’m really sorry. I think unfortunately this was the way it was always going to go after you quoted her emotive text. Given time and perspective I hope you will come to see this is a good thing. Friendships like the aren’t real, which is why it’s so easy to destroy them.

Yes, it's definitely a lesson learnt. People always speak about how borrowing/lending money from/to friends come with the possibility of things going very badly south, but I would never have imagined that it would happen to me!

Mummyoflittledragon, thank you for the kind words. It's sad and honestly blows my mind a little how it all came to this, especially after having known someone for 7+ years. Granted, it's not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but this woman was basically my closest mate way back in uni so it just feels awful, really.

Guess this friendship’s officially dead in the water then

Nope, sorry lovely, the “friendship” never existed.

She wants you to feel bad to get out of paying you back.

I’d say keep on at it cos she clearly feels she has no obligation to repay you, but I fear that £87 (nicely done there, she’s trying to make you think she’s “given” you her last penny) is the last you’ll see.

I’m sorry this has happened to you, live and learn.

Some people are just.shite .Nice subtle passive aggressive £87 she gave you.

Defintely bring her to the small claims court now.

Sorry OP. Just be prepared to defend yourself if you have any mutual friends. When she tells this story it will be that she tried so hard to pay you but you kept demanding more immediately and wouldn't let her lower the amount or give her break. She will make herself out as victim and you as evil money grabber.

Be prepared to act confused and explain what happened in a total "what are you talking about..." kind of tone.

I wouldn't do a small claims yet because she has made this month's payment - admittedly a few pounds short.

Do you know when in the month she gets paid?

I just don't understand her logic. It must be so hurtful for you but I honestly honestly think that if it hadn't been this incident, it would have - in time - been something else to fracture your friendship.

Because this is not normal. Proper friends do not behave like this.
You can't borrow a huge amount of money from a friend, agree a repayment plan, then act like it's a gift!

If she was telling her family or friends about this, how could she put a spin on it that it wasn't her fault, apart from pretend you gave her the money?

£87 is tiddly squat and this is going to be like getting blood from a stone unfortunately.

OP, so so sorry that this has happened to you, can't imagine how hurt you must be feeling when you just tried to do a decent thing. Hugs to you xx

OP you have done nothing wrong and shouldn't feel bad about asking for YOUR money back. I would also take screen shots of your messages where she admits to borrowing the money just incase if you haven't already.

Friendship is over. Again, I've seen this happen over and over. These people truly believe they are entitled to certain things/standards in life and that others whom they perceive as wealthier should subsidise this for them or they're mean-spirited. Please keep all the correspondence and don't let her off with this. Why? Because she'll keep on doing it and possibly cost someone who really cannot afford it their rent money or food money because they are naive and manipulated by her.

She's a user.

I'd message her back, 'Still not the amount we agreed on to repay your loan. We agreed £100/month. Amount currently outstanding on your loan (interest free) is £1263, your monthly balance left outstanding is £13.'

Beginning of every month would be a message that she's due you £100.

She ripped you off, had no intention of paying you back and still doesn't. Funny how she had 'no money' but has £87 all of the sudden.

She'd need to spend £2200 on food and drink for you both, to pay you back your £1100.

Don't feel bad. How she gets the money she owes you is not your responsibility. Not much of a friend if she wasn't going to pay it back!

What an awful person she is. LittleDragon was spot on with her comments, it’s HER that loves money more than friendship.
Stick to your guns now OP, nothing left to lose now but your £1k

Sorry, I thought it was £1500 you loaned her. I'd still proceed the same way.

So she thinks a few cappuccino's and a couple of Big Macs will make up for the £950 quid she still owes you?

Cheeky cow!

She’s being hard nosed and so should you before your money disappears. WRITE her a letter stating what was agreed and telling her she hasn’t kept to her agreement and you expect her to pay it all back within the agreed time etc
This way she monies you’re serious and won’t stand for this sort of thing. If she doesn’t start paying WRITE her another letter saying you will take her to Small Claims Court to recover the whole amount and she will be lumbered with costs be nice but firm or you can just keep telling yourself she’s a good friend and letting her take the food from the mouths of your children.

Forget friendship, it obviously doesn’t exist for her, she took your money and spent it, somebody had to go out and earn that money and pay Tax to get it, roughly speaking somebody had to work nearly 3 weeks to give her that money - don’t be a mug and ALWAYS get these things in writing ALWAYS that way you have simple recourse to the Law to recover it. LEARN from this and neither a lender or borrower be 👍

She is not your friend, she’s your debtor

Many others have posted similar, but a friend doesn't try to make you feel guilty for not paying you back! If she wanted to pay you back but was struggling, she would have offered you a fiver here and a tenner there to show she had every intention of paying you back. Her actual actions demonstrate she thought she didn't need to pay you back, that you could afford to bail her out without being refunded. You are better off without her in your life although I understand her betrayal of your friendship hurts.

Sadly I think your friendship is dead in the water.

Something similar happened with me... although it wasn't a friend, more a colleague who used to do some work for me. We worked together on a friendly basis, used to have coffee together, I showed her a lot of respect etc. She took me for nearly £4,000 (don't want to get into the details here, needless to say, she forged documents and covered her tracks very cleverly)

Once I realised what she had done, I was ruthless in getting my money back. I knew any 'friendship' was dead. A nice person does not do this.
I took the legal route to get a repayment plan set up (worth every penny) I chased her and chased her and chased her to stick to the plan she had legally agreed to. Instead of 2 years, it took 3.5 years with countless missed payments, but I would not let it go. I am not a vindictive person but I am also not a mug. This person had lied to me, took advantage of my good nature, led me on a wild goose chase, accused other people of losing the money, it was a big plot to unravel, but once I stopped giving her the benefit of the doubt and realised she had taken me for a ride, I was ruthless. I was like a scratch that wouldn't go away!

To get that final payment was BLISS. I lost the legal fees, I lost sleep, I wasted hours and hours of time, but I got back the original sum she took from me.

OP you have nothing to lose. Don't let it go.

Very sorry - though not surprised - about the outcome; she was clearly looking for any excuse to be "offended" and even the £87 will be a "look, I tried to pay" for the benefit of others she tells the story to

How do you feel about moving forward? Will you try the small claims route or just consider it an expensive lesson learned?

The thing is, she hasn't paid £87 of this month's bill. This is a late payment for (probably) August. I think the last thing the OP should do is to allow the breaks and let the loan take even longer. I'd start looking into the small claims court now.