To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

[ButterbeerPancakes]

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

I'd text back "Thank you I look forward to you paying the remaining £863".

And then at the end of month around payday ask her when she can pay the outstanding £863.

I am surprised you got £87 to be honest.

But don't give up pressing for the outstanding money. That is what she is hoping for.

I’d second that. She’s a thief, or she will be if you let her. She has no intention of paying you back the full amount - I’m guessing that in her mind she has rationalised it that you can afford it and she has less than you so the money should rightfully be hers.

I’m betting she will continue to do everything she can to wriggle out of paying it: more emotional blackmail, more accusing you of being the immoral one, more trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for her/the people she ponces off next.

Sorry. It’s gutting to find out someone you trusted is this much of a dishonest user, and doesn’t actually care about you or your friendship at all.

Sorry, I just wanted to amend that last post of mine - saying “she will be if you let her” sounds horribly like victim blaming, and that’s the last thing I want to do.

I should have worded it, “she will be if she can get away with it”.

I hope she doesn’t get away with it, but the responsibility for her choice to try and steal your money lies entirely with her, not with you of course. 💐

@ButterbeerPancakes - I'm sorry about your update.
I find it really hard to understand how this person could say that you love money more than friendship considering she is willing to jeopardise the friendship over non payment of a loan she asked for.
I get the feeling (I hope I'm right) that if after a while (and once she has repaid the money) she gets in touch with you, you would be willing to remain on good terms, if a bit more wary of her. That makes you the better person.

She's probably having a right laugh at sending you the £87 and thinking you will assume it's all that's left in her account and tell her to forget the rest. As suggested, acknowledge receipt (not with thanks though) and say you look forward to getting more of your money back on payday. Don't engage in texts about the friendship, or lack thereof. Keep messages business like from now on and screenshot every message she send you.

i wish you'd done this by email. They can be printed off in hard copy and used in court. I have done this. We won. Very hard by text. Make sure you do not lose that phone. Courts are funny about typing out the text as this is only a soft copy.

Do not feel shit - she is projecting her own shortcomings on to you Starbucks is missing out on £87 this month

A standing order is better than a court order.

Even if she sets up £5 a week that is less than her cups of coffee, a court would accept this. The first thing that Martin Lewis or Alvin Hall used to advise is cutting back on non-essentials and they usually quote daily coffee as an example. You could text this/email this to her (calmly) not because you are interested in the friendship but because you want the money back. Afterall, she played you now it's payback. Literally.

If she does nothing or at least an alternative concerted effort of payment, then she is wide open to it being reclaimed in other ways.

CAB free solicitor will advise you. I know it's too late now but if you write LOAN across the top of a cheque you give to someone it is easier to prove the status of the transaction in court.

i still think you could frog march her and her credit card to your pc and make an online payment of one of your utility bills so you have it in one fell swoop.

Would screen shot of text printed work instead of email?

also because if you do get it back in one fell swoop by credit card payment then you can well and truly kiss good fucking riddance sooner rather than later.

screen shots are not hard copy. they see it as the equivalent as photocopy i.e. text that can be edited.

When we went to court the Judge actually referred to the more readily than letters because the dialogue is not only dated but timed aswell and gives a clearer indication of the flow and response than a letter despite all our letters being sent Special Delivery because they would have to refer to the postmark.

When an external timer or date stamp is not available i.e. taking a photo and proving the date of photo ensure you include today's newspaper and zoom in on the date to prove.

Sorry OP - I hijacked a bit there but hope this helps. We learned the hard way, we got it back but not without massive burden of proof.

• referred to the emails more readily

pps - ensure all emails have a delivery receipt aswell as a read receipt.

OP - you haven't gone round there to deck her have you?

you'll never get the balance repaid if you kill her

I'm probably old enough to be your mum... It's horrid when these arrangements go wrong and you find out the lengths of these friendships....

Several variations of this have happened to me over the years... Some less, some more.

In some ways you now know the limits of her friendship now. .. That she did a number on you... And she had no intention of paying you back... Of she was intending to pay you back... If there wrtr payments she couldn't make.. She'd be contacting you regularly and paying what she could...

My guess is that she's done this to all her pals...

I was good pals... I thought... with a uni pal... Over the degree years we had contributed to drinks /lunch and nights out... As 'tom' had no money... As he ddibr get a grant /loan was too little... Immediately after uni he bought a house with 50% deposit..... Which obviously we had been inadvertently subsiding...

OP, You have had good advice and I would definitely encourage the Small Claims Court - but have a look at the guidance notes, there is a clear process you have to follow.

IIRC, you have to write a letter to the person you are claiming from setting out what has gone wrong - something like "We agreed that I would lend you money and you would repay 100 a month. You have not made regular repayments as agreed." - and what you want to happen. Paid in full? Regular repayments to resume?

Then you set a deadline for her to reply.

When she misses that you get to write your "letter before action" which is a final warning. You will need to offer mediation as the idea is you settle if you can without needing the court.

True, I forgot that. It's a Letter Before Action ususally 14 day.
But there are key steps before you get to that point.

As pp said there is a very clear process and it's imperative you follow that.

Your CAB will make you an appointment with their solicitor. Or, if you have ticked the legal cover on your home insurance policy you can use their legal helpline. We didn't have to pay any legal fees because we had done this. Well worth it!

I wish you luck OP. Let us know how you get on.

Op, the money aside, this must be devastating. To be treated like that by a friend who I'm sure was so secure in you that she thought she could take the piss like that.

Text wars are awful too, and then she turns it on you as not being a good friend. Was there any indication it would ever turn out like this?

If it’s any consolation, if she tries to tell anyone about this to make you look bad, they are going to see her for what she is. It doesn’t reflect you in a bad light at all.

What’s she going to say, ‘X lent me hundreds of pounds and when I tried to say I’d pay her back in food, asked for it back in cash-can you believe it!?’

Did you reply to that final message? I would thank her for the transfer and ask if she’s set up a SO yet.

No people who do these numbers on others if they do repeat it... It will just be a very edited version...

'OP keeps hassling for money I don't have (for her car/house) etc....'.. Conveniently leaving out its a loan repayment they've consistently reneged on

An email is much easier to edit that a screen shot but I can believe the court doesn't see it that way.

Hope you’re ok op. It must be very upsetting to fall out with a friend like this.
Sometimes when these threads come up and we all reply bring bolshy and encouraging sassy responses, we then walk away and the op deals with the crash of adrenaline and the shattering of friendships.
Just remember you lent the money out of kindness, it wasn’t a gift. If she had come to you and asked for more time, I’m sure you may well have been reasonable.

Agree with PP's saying they doubt it's the first time she's done something like this.

A colleague at work one told me a similar story.

She'd lent a friend a similar amount of money. They were party of a large friendship group associated with a sport they all played.

Started with a convincing sob story as to why the money was needed plus a tearful "I'm so embarrassed please don't mention my money troubles to anyone else".

Payments that were promised never materialised and endless fobbing off about why and being made to feel guilty about asking for payment.

Colleague eventually did mention it to another friend in the group and - yes I'm sure you're all there ahead of me, they had also experienced similar but felt guilty about discussing such a private matter.

Lots of conversations followed and they found out the same person had "borrowed" the best part of £10k over 12 or so years from different people in the group - most of them never seeing a penny back - all of them conned into keeping the matter private to save embarrassment and also fed the lines about valuing money over friendship.

Your friend knows exactly what's she's doing OP and expects to get away with it. Don't let her.

In the most bizarre turn of events, I've just received a call from her mum (we've met a fair few times over the course of the years). She apologised on behalf of her daughter, asked me for my bank details, transferred £140 saying that unfortunately that was all she could spare for now, and then told me that she had put up a standing order and that I'll be receiving the monthly £100 from her till the debt is paid off!

So I guess that's settled then.

Side note, but since that last text, I've noticed that the "delivery" tag no longer shows up on all the iMessages I've sent to said "friend". Tried calling her as well, but the call hangs up nearly instantly too. Does this mean that she has blocked me?!?

I'd have no qualms about taking the money from her mum. No backing down on that.

Yep, she's blocked you. Once I got all the money back I'd be tempted to post about it on social media to make others aware because it sounds like she has form for this.

What a bitch!

Looks like mentioning small claims court swayed her. She had no intention of ever paying you back. She stole from you.