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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re school exclusion

516 replies

mummy207 · 09/01/2019 20:31

I posted a while back about my DS being inappropriate at school, he asked a teacher to add him on snapchat and was isolated for it. The reactions on here were split between whether this was an overreaction by the school or acceptable. I accepted it and sanctioned him at home and fully supported the school after reading all of your helpful responses. Lots of teachers responded.

Unfortunately today there has been a follow up and I have been told my son needs to be excluded tomorrow and stay at home. I totally agree he is being absolutely unacceptable , he apparently lifted his top up and asked the teacher whether she liked his abs. I know it's fucking insane, don't get me started.

They have said because this is his second "Sexually inappropriate offense" (question whether the snapchat thing was sexually inappropriate!!) , he needs an external exclusion which will go on his record. Although I agree he is in the wrong, this again to me seems really ridiculous. What is making him sit at home all day going to achieve? He will be on xbox! Also some of his peers have had several fights, bullying, etc and not been excluded. Exclusions are really rare. I am absolutely devastated. Is there anything I can do about this? It says on the paperwork I can challenge the exclusion?

OP posts:
Nursepolly · 11/01/2019 00:21

Loving
A simple question is not goady, however there were several other posts you wrote which were clearly written to provoke a reaction - therefore you were being goady.

I chose the comment on the first part of this thread which referenced the showing abs which was taken out of context.

It’s not unreasonable to ask me how I’d react to nude pics but I choose not to comment due to the nature of how posters are reacting right now. I think whatever I say would be misunderstood and I really don’t want to get into any sort of confrontation.

I don’t take anything personally here, I think you may have missed the humour in a previous post.

SillySallySingsSongs · 11/01/2019 00:23

More socks than a hypothermic millipede on this thread

Yep

Lovingbenidorm · 11/01/2019 00:23

Yes, I’ll agree there, any intended humour totally passed me by.

Lizzie48 · 11/01/2019 01:07

To others if your child is receiving unsolicited dick pics or nude photos (of girls or boys) then you need to report it to the school. This is actually classed as child pornography and if the school is worth their salt they should deal with it.

Spot on. Apart from the term 'child pornography', which should read 'indecent pictures of children'. And I do think the OP is guilty of minimising here, the fact that her DS has nude photos of female classmates on his phone is potentially very disturbing.

Don't stick your head in the sand, OP.

Nat6999 · 11/01/2019 01:13

My DS is 15, Autistic & he has the most respect I have ever seen in a child of that age for females. I'm not just bragging because I'm his mum, another pupil in his class made a sexually explicit joke to a young female teacher, he stood up for the teacher & told the boy exactly why what he had said was unacceptable. Most of the class was stunned in to silence, some of the boys were trying to be big about it but the majority agreed with what he said, after the class, almost every girl in the class thanked him for what he said. He has been brought up to respect authority, he respects women's rights & feelings, he is such a caring boy that his best friend who is a girl, he buys her chocolate when he knows she has PMT & looks after her supply of sanitary products in his bag for her. He found a younger girl sat crying at lunchtime, he sat & asked her what was wrong, she had just started her first period & didn't have any supplies, he went & asked another girl in his class who he was friends with to give this girl enough to manage with until she went home. Next day he went & looked for her, he had gone & bought her a little bag that he had filled with everything she needed, pads, painkillers, wipes & some chocolate all out of his own money, he gave her the bag when she was on her own & told her if she ever needed help to come & find him.
That's what respect for women looks like, not some dickhead trying to pick up a teacher, showing off his body & asking for nude pics. That's why I'm proud to call him my son.

PBobs · 11/01/2019 01:34

@Lizzie48 sorry - the country I currently work in and our "parent" country class it as child pornography and it can actually get you prosecuted. Should have done my research for the UK terminology. Thanks for the correction.

RolyRocks · 11/01/2019 06:29

consisted of because if it was just inviting a teacher to add him on snap chat I can't understand how this can be a sexual offence (I have probably missed something though)

Yes, you are missing something, sorry. As another poster has already mentioned, the OP was minimising the first incident by only staying in the opening post of this thread, that the DS asked this teacher to join Snapchat. That isn’t only what happened and I would recommend reading the OP’s original thread to see what he was given a detention for the incident.
Coupled with only two school weeks later, inviting the same female teacher to check out his abs and tell him what she thinks of them, means that he needs another sanction to be taught this is not right. In addition to the fact his mother had only sent the boy to his room and was going to let him play on his xbox all day before advice given on this thread and you can see why she was advised to check his phone.
Lo and behold, he also has kept nude photos of his underage female classmates and the mother still just deletes them and hugs her DS.
So in the context of all he above, posters are rightly justified and showing their displeasure at this situation.

Nursepolly is either just a GF or another of those same parents that are part and parcel of the problem facing some teenage boys today.

MaisyPops · 11/01/2019 06:38

I agree roly. After all who in the context of a teenager clearly behaving inappropriately towards women, actively pursuing his teacher who says she isn't interested and it's not ok, and is also involved in sharing indecent images of children would say 'please define normal' and claim that this is typical behaviour for teenage boys.

Add into the gem of not replying regarding how they'd respond to nude photos by saying they couldn't possibly tell us because of how strongly other posters feel clearly suggests they are a sock or being goady or are the sort of permissive parent who teaches their boys that they can do what they like as long as it can be dismissed as 'banter'

FamilyOfAliens · 11/01/2019 07:14

My son is a typical teenager who likes to lol around in his pants - that’s why he didn’t have trousers on

Did your son’s friend also take off their trousers, as presumably he/she is also a typical teenager?

If not, that should help you understand what’s “normal” behaviour.

Bluntness100 · 11/01/2019 07:52

I’ve just popped my teenage son’s friend home in the car and my son decided he didn’t want to put any trousers on but wanted to come too. So he got in the car in his pants

WTAF? I think we can agree all of us on here have been teenagers, had teenage friends and addition many of us have raised them, there is no way some NT teenage boy is going out in his pants. Just like any adult wouldn't,

whassupmissus · 11/01/2019 07:54

Can't find the first thread roly - what did he actually do?

myrtleWilson · 11/01/2019 07:57

Just search under the OPs name - she only has two threads

Pk37 · 11/01/2019 08:01

What sort of lazy shit doesn’t even put trousers on to leave the house ?!
Where are your standards that you think this is ok ?
This thread just gets worse

Nursepolly · 11/01/2019 08:09

You’re right he is very lazy!

whassupmissus · 11/01/2019 08:32

Thank you Hiho

QuizzlyBear · 11/01/2019 08:45

@Nat6999 I loved reading this - you should be very proud of your son. Mine are generally polite, thoughtful and respectful of others, but yours took my breath away - I wish I'd known him when I was a teenager!

FrancisCrawford · 11/01/2019 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluelonerose · 11/01/2019 08:53

Good grief op if your ds didn't learn his lesson from the snap chat incident then this happens.

The snap chat incident was a warning about boundaries and your ds did not take them on board.
I do feel for you because your probably as scared as your ds is BUT you need to show him that he has fucked up and has to take the consequences re naked pics on his phone.
The school MUST be informed so that those girls can be safeguarded too. He has to take the punishment.

Lonecatwithkitten · 11/01/2019 09:15

My DD was the victim of a boy like yours. She didn't know him, but it came about through a friend of a friend on snapchat she received dick pics and a request for a snatch shot in return she was 13!
She is a smart girl who immediately deleted the picture and blocked any method of communication. It was reported to the police who took it very seriously and the boy was given a caution.
She was very upset by this and it made her quite cautious for a period of time.
There were several schools that were involved he had targeted several girls his school were very 'oh boys will be boys' and were told by the other schools and the police that was totally inappropriate and they needed to urgently review their internal safeguarding.

flowerpott · 11/01/2019 09:42

Agree with all @PBobs has said.

I wouldn't let my DS (6) out of the house in just his pants, nor if a friend was round, nevermind a teenager. He's at school, he needs to learn social norms and boundaries. Definitely not "normal" behaviour - would you be happy getting in the car and driving about in just your underwear?!

purplecorkheart · 11/01/2019 11:53

Kind of shocked that any person would allow another person get into their car in just their pants and thing it is typical teenage behaviour.

Op, you do know that you have to report this to the school. These girls need to be protected and the school must be made aware of this as a matter of urgency.

You do know that this can be reported to the Police at any time by the girls parents. At the very least by reporting it to the school you are showing you are co-operating and this will be taken into account regarding charges etc.

Sadly, I think we are all wasting our breath. I bet your son has all his console and phones back and the school are the big bad bullies for making him sad. You and your husband feel that everyone is making a big deal about everything and your son is really an angel!!

You both cannot be bothered to be parents.

Footle · 11/01/2019 12:12

@Nat6999, your son sounds very kind but am I the only one to wonder if he's over-invested in his friends' menstrual cycles? There's another thread running about a trans woman who tweets about a similar incident. It's not really appropriate is it?

secureCompartment · 11/01/2019 12:41

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pasanda · 11/01/2019 13:13

Footle- I thought that too!

Very kind and thoughtful but a bit inappropriate maybe??

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