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AIBU?

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Original poster

re school exclusion

516 replies

mummy207 · 09/01/2019 20:31

I posted a while back about my DS being inappropriate at school, he asked a teacher to add him on snapchat and was isolated for it. The reactions on here were split between whether this was an overreaction by the school or acceptable. I accepted it and sanctioned him at home and fully supported the school after reading all of your helpful responses. Lots of teachers responded.

Unfortunately today there has been a follow up and I have been told my son needs to be excluded tomorrow and stay at home. I totally agree he is being absolutely unacceptable , he apparently lifted his top up and asked the teacher whether she liked his abs. I know it's fucking insane, don't get me started.

They have said because this is his second "Sexually inappropriate offense" (question whether the snapchat thing was sexually inappropriate!!) , he needs an external exclusion which will go on his record. Although I agree he is in the wrong, this again to me seems really ridiculous. What is making him sit at home all day going to achieve? He will be on xbox! Also some of his peers have had several fights, bullying, etc and not been excluded. Exclusions are really rare. I am absolutely devastated. Is there anything I can do about this? It says on the paperwork I can challenge the exclusion?

OP posts:
pasanda · 10/01/2019 22:24

Thanks for the link golden.

I have a feeling my daughters best friend has sent some nudes and is now in some sort of shit because of it. I overheard snippets of conversation last night.

I will use that link to try and open up a conversation

Isthisit22 · 10/01/2019 22:25

So it's OK to sexually harass teachers as long as there's no fighting or racism?

This thread should be linked to the thread that asks why so many teachers are leaving the profession.

SkaTastic · 10/01/2019 22:48

Is it just me that thinks this whole thread has escalated into madness? The OPs son was inappropriate but this led to people sharing stories of serious assaults and threats?? What? The OPs son has been a divvy and needs to know not to do it again. He didn't drop his pants and show the teacher his penis, he flashed his abs. A firm "Oh my God DS that is not appropriate you absolute idiot" and acceptance of his punishment and PROVIDING it goes no further then that should be the end??

I write as someone who works with boys who have really severe behavioural difficulties so maybe that skews my idea of what is totally unacceptable? But from me this would have got a "right yep put your top down let's get on with xyz"

RolyRocks · 10/01/2019 22:58

Skatastic, what are your thoughts about the OP finding nude pictures of underage girls presumably from his school, on his phone?

MaisyPops · 10/01/2019 23:00

Does anyone seriously think all the "tell the school" suggestions will be acted on - I mean, really?
Yes.
Every school I have worked at has taken such issues very seriously.
Sometimes it's a sit a group of people who've looked at images of peers and giving them a stern talking to and they usually realise how serious it is and how important it is to stay the hell away from that sort of things.
Sometimes it means changing the order of the PSHE programme (though e safety and digital footprints etc ate covered from ks3 upwards at age appropriate levels, saying that a former school had to bring sexting down to year 8/9 as by ks4 it was too late for some. That was worrying, but nature of the cohoet and wider issues).
Sometimes it means talking to girls/boys about the nature of sending images.
Sometimes it means looking at what a healthy relationship looks like and doesn't in PSHE or mentoring groups
Sometimes it means bollocking the bejesus out of some students
Sometimes it means referring some students to mentors or counsellors or youth agencies who support those at risk of child sexual exploitation and risk taking behaviours

No school wants to be an environment where students fear seeing sexual images of their peers or feeling pressure to send them. People in schools chose to work with children. Look at the responses on this thread; almost all teachers would feel it's a serious issue.

HiHoToffee · 10/01/2019 23:01

A firm "Oh my God DS that is not appropriate you absolute idiot" and acceptance of his punishment and PROVIDING it goes no further then that should be the end??

That applied to the snapchat incident and the OP's son clearly didn't learn his lesson then, just a few weeks ago.

HiHoToffee · 10/01/2019 23:04

Does anyone seriously think all the "tell the school" suggestions will be acted on - I mean, really?

I think that meant Acted on by the OP, not the school.

JohnCRaven · 10/01/2019 23:10

My DD 4 was touched inappropriately by another pupil and the school did NOTHING!

I'm going against the grain of the thread and saying he's a div but no that's not exclusion behaviour. Maybe a day of isolation being taught about boundaries, consent and inappropriate behaviour but what is he going to learn being excluded?

Nursepolly · 10/01/2019 23:18

There some serious over reactions on this thread - I suspect by many parents who possibly don’t have teenagers.

A teenage boy flashing his abs in a classroom is probably JUST showing off. I think it’s sad we live in a world where this is perceived to be anything other than that.

I’ve just popped my teenage son’s friend home in the car and my son decided he didn’t want to put any trousers on but wanted to come too. So he got in the car in his pants. Goodness me, imagine if a neighbour reported us - he may turn out to be a flasher - he will probably get arrested for indecent exposure soon and then it will be all my fault for letting him leave the house in his just his pants 😂

Seriously ladies - sometimes some perspective is needed and remember you only get snippets of information here- the rest is in your imagination.

myrtleWilson · 10/01/2019 23:21

and the nudes of classmates on his phone nurse? By the way - did you join MN tonight to post or have you nc?

Nursepolly · 10/01/2019 23:27

I think the nudes on his phone are a separate issue but everything is getting misconstrued. It’s impossible to point the finger at who’s responsible for these photos as nobody other than the people who either posted them or shared them will know that.

It is more serious but again blown out of proportion and the amount of posters who claim their teens don’t do such things are in a minority or blissfully unaware.

Myrtle I’m sure how it’s your concern whether I’ve just joined or name changed

Nursepolly · 10/01/2019 23:28

Not sure

Lovingbenidorm · 10/01/2019 23:28

Nursepolly have you missed the bit about nude pictures of underage classmates on his phone?

Lovingbenidorm · 10/01/2019 23:32

Ps, am sure you’re trying to be “cool” about all this but if my teen was getting into the car to take a mate home wearing his pants cos he couldn’t be bothered to put trousers on I’d be like “either put some trousers on or stay at home while I take your mate home, numpty”
How is it appropriate for a teenage boy to go out in public(ok in his mum’s car) wearing his fucking pants?!

FamilyOfAliens · 10/01/2019 23:33

How come your son didn’t have any trousers on while his friend was round, Nursepolly?

Nursepolly · 10/01/2019 23:34

Lovingbenidorm

Lol 😂 you’ve just proved my point beautifully

MaisyPops · 10/01/2019 23:35

It is more serious but again blown out of proportion and the amount of posters who claim their teens don’t do such things are in a minority or blissfully unaware
The vast majority of teenage boys aren't misogynistic in my experience.
The vast majority of teenage boys hold fairly strong opinions about the 'laddish' boys with their God's gift to women view.
Teenage boys will probably have had a crush on staff. The vast majority would be mortified if they knew we could tell. The vast vast majority would never behave in a suggestive way to a member of staff either in private or public.
The vast majority of teenage boys don't think it's acceptable to share naked photos of their peers.

Working with teenagers highlights they are not as naive or innocent as some may expect, but having knowledge and behaving in a way to harass, belittle, intimidate and objectify women and girls are very, very different things.

You have a disappointingly dim view of teenagers if you think it's ok to minimise the actions outlined in this thread and that perfectly normal teenage boys with normal crushes who behave appropriately are a minority.

Nursepolly · 10/01/2019 23:36

My son is a typical teenager who likes to lol around in his pants - that’s why he didn’t have trousers on

Lovingbenidorm · 10/01/2019 23:36

Nursepolly please explain how I explained your point.

MaisyPops · 10/01/2019 23:36

I agree loving.
I'd be saying you're not going out in your pants because they're your underwear so quit being scruffy and put some clothes on.

Given the posting history, I suspect they are either one of those cool woke parents who think they are down with the kids or they are on the wind up though.

MissMarplesKnitting · 10/01/2019 23:37

Umm, in just pants with his mates round and in full view of everyone?

Not normal.

FamilyOfAliens · 10/01/2019 23:38

My son is a typical teenager who likes to lol around in his pants - that’s why he didn’t have trousers on

That’s not typical teenage behaviour.

myrtleWilson · 10/01/2019 23:39

It's mythical teenager behaviour 😏

whassupmissus · 10/01/2019 23:40

I think this sounds like a teenage boy larking around and therefore an over reaction although I can't help but wonder what the snapchat incident actually consisted of because if it was just inviting a teacher to add him on snap chat I can't understand how this can be a sexual offence (I have probably missed something though)

Greensleeves · 10/01/2019 23:42

More socks than a hypothermic millipede on this thread Grin

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