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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re school exclusion

516 replies

mummy207 · 09/01/2019 20:31

I posted a while back about my DS being inappropriate at school, he asked a teacher to add him on snapchat and was isolated for it. The reactions on here were split between whether this was an overreaction by the school or acceptable. I accepted it and sanctioned him at home and fully supported the school after reading all of your helpful responses. Lots of teachers responded.

Unfortunately today there has been a follow up and I have been told my son needs to be excluded tomorrow and stay at home. I totally agree he is being absolutely unacceptable , he apparently lifted his top up and asked the teacher whether she liked his abs. I know it's fucking insane, don't get me started.

They have said because this is his second "Sexually inappropriate offense" (question whether the snapchat thing was sexually inappropriate!!) , he needs an external exclusion which will go on his record. Although I agree he is in the wrong, this again to me seems really ridiculous. What is making him sit at home all day going to achieve? He will be on xbox! Also some of his peers have had several fights, bullying, etc and not been excluded. Exclusions are really rare. I am absolutely devastated. Is there anything I can do about this? It says on the paperwork I can challenge the exclusion?

OP posts:
sproutlove · 09/01/2019 20:33

How old is he?

Original poster
mummy207 · 09/01/2019 20:35

Sorry he's 15 x

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 09/01/2019 20:36

You can challenge it, but it's very doubtful they'll change it. Is he neurotypical? I just can't imagine a child being that inappropriate with me. Why has he done this? He must surely realize how stupid it was.

alansleftfoot · 09/01/2019 20:37

He won't be on the Xbox if you take it off him.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 09/01/2019 20:38

Why will he be on Xbox? Can't you take Xbox to work with you?

FadedRed · 09/01/2019 20:39

He will be on Xbox
Confiscate (or better still, bin) his bloody Xbox, until
he learns to behave himself at school?

mineofuselessinformation · 09/01/2019 20:40

Sorry, I don't usually challenge someone directly on a thread, but why do you feel an exclusion is inappropriate?
He has already done one inappropriate thing, and then has been sexually inappropriate towards a teacher.
I would suggest you need to address this with your son rather than direct your anger towards the school.
Unless your son has SEN or some other valid reason, he must surely know that exposing his body is not an acceptable way to behave.
I feel sorry for the teacher who was on the other end of your son's behaviour.

Original poster
mummy207 · 09/01/2019 20:40

Yes he's neurotypical, average intelligence! He's just being a twat, probably to show off in front of mates. I'm really pissed off though after his behaviour in December, we had a long chat about him being inappropriate with the teacher, he said he was just joking, realised he was in the wrong. He's recently become obsessed with going to the gym and apparently some girls were commenting on his abs (I know, vomit) and so he said he didn't even think and asked the teacher what she thought of them! I can't even look at him, I'm so furious at him.

I just really don't want him to have this exclusion for being a stupid boy. it isn't like he's whacked someone in the face or been racist, which I thought was what exclusions were usually for :(

OP posts:
Hippywannabe · 09/01/2019 20:41

I agree, no xbox. Is it the same teacher? She must be terrified of having him in her class if it is, he clearly has no respect for her. He is probably being the big man in front of his friends. You do sound truly horrified, OP so it doesn't appear that this sort of inappropriateness is commonplace for him to see.
You have my sympathies, I raised 3 boys by myself. They do mostly turn out alright even though they give you grey hairs.

slashlover · 09/01/2019 20:42

He will be on xbox!

Why? Remove it. Give him housework to do.

alansleftfoot · 09/01/2019 20:42

He needs the exclusion so he learns to stop being a twat. And you need to get tougher with him, bin the bloody Xbox, take his phone off him and stop defending him when he's out of order.

Yumyumbananas · 09/01/2019 20:43

Take his xbox away.....

Chunkyetfunky · 09/01/2019 20:43

Would you prefer he’d been racist or had a fight to justify the exclusion 🤔

MissMarplesKnitting · 09/01/2019 20:43

Take the plug off the Xbox. Get tough.

Your son will be set work. He needs to complete it.

Exclusions are rare. He needs to take it seriously as the way things are going he will be looking for a new school soon, or worse, facing a police investigation.

Do not challenge it. I know what my old Hat would say, which would be that he would be looking for a managed move to another school.

If you can't support the school when your done has done this, then maybe that is for the best.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2019 20:43

Doesn’t sound like he took it seriously when he was last told off for being inappropriate so I don’t blame them for throwing the book at him.

What do you think a fair punishment would be and are you worried he’s displaying such offensive behaviour?

MissMarplesKnitting · 09/01/2019 20:44

Old headteacher. Sorry!

Sirzy · 09/01/2019 20:44

X box should be locked away. And not just for the day of exclusion.

All WiFi switched off. He can spend the day studying.

He needs to learn that sexually inapproapte behaviour is not on before he gets into major trouble

flowerpott · 09/01/2019 20:44

Hi, I remember your last post. I was one of the teachers who responded. The school is following their procedures and you don't really have much choice but to accept it. I'd personally be taking his conduct a lot more seriously, if I were you. It could escalate further unless he begins to understand that his behaviour is highly inappropriate and won't be tolerated.

I thought last time round that there would likely be a sexualised context to his behaviour, and this just confirms that for me. His teacher should be able to get on with her job and teach the class, she shouldn't need to put up with your son's "banter" / harassment.

Yumyumbananas · 09/01/2019 20:44

Exclusions are for pupils who flout the school rules and behave badly. His behaviour is clearly making a teacher uncomfortable, he was been warned and he has carried on being inappropriate. He’s excluded.

SnuggyBuggy · 09/01/2019 20:44

It's not like him being excluded will stop him getting a job. I'd back up the school on this.

BackBoiler · 09/01/2019 20:45

I was going to ask is it the same teacher.

Yumyumbananas · 09/01/2019 20:45

And I applaud this school for taking this stance against inappropriate, sexualised conduct.

bluesaturday · 09/01/2019 20:46

If you don't think his actions are serious then why would your son? Take any technology off him so he can't laugh about it with his mates and be the adult in this situation!

Madders45 · 09/01/2019 20:46

I agree with pps. Take away his Xbox and turn off the WiFi.

Also, how is paying to go to the gym? If he has a membership then cancel it until he shows you that he’s matured.

cowfacemonkey · 09/01/2019 20:46

Actually I think there is something quite creepy about his behaviour and they are right to exclude. It’s a form of sexual harassment IMO he knows what he’s doing. I would be very concerned about his behaviour towards females actually.
Instead of letting him play on his Xbox you need to step up and parent him. Who cares what others have or have not been excluded for? I would put good money on there being other things he is doing and saying that fall just outside of punsishable behaviours so when he has done something they can give an exclusion for they’ve jumped on it.