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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument with neighbour AIBU

204 replies

SoundsExciting · 09/01/2019 20:29

Hi all!
I live in a small block of flats and neighbours are not really chatty towards each other but rather civilised. The majority rents and I am a home owner. In the past, the flat not directly below me (lets call Flat X) had some problems with a leak and I opened my door maybe 2 or 3 times for the lady who lives there to check if the problem was coming from my flat - which was not.

In another situation someone from their TV licence came along and asked to use my balcony to fix something. Nothing major and I did not mind opening my door for them in any of those situations.

However, last week I snapped off my keys to enter the building and still haven't got time to get a new one. I will be doing this tomorrow morning. My husband also needs new keys but usually I buzz him in or he uses the fire scape door.

Today afternoon I buzzed some flats randomly just so I could get inside the building and someone buzzed me in. Then neighbour from flat X open his door and asks if it was me buzzing. I said "yes, thank you so much my keys are broken...". He then tells me in a not friendly manner to "never buzz his door again" and he would "not open anymore because its been for days" quite aggressively (not to mention rude). I came home as I was carrying my chid but decided to leave and confront him so I knocked at his door.

I asked to speak to his wife (as I dealt with her in the past reading the leak) and asked how many times I opened my door for her. She said "only twice" and her husband then said I should apologise for buzzing his door, for knocking at his door and that I have been waking their children up for days. I must mention that I broke my keys on Thursday morning and we were away for the weekend returning this Monday. Since then, I have being at home and my husband been to work but I was always able to open the front door for him so I doubt he's been waking up their children once let alone "for days".

So I asked her to never knock on my door again and if she has any problem should speak to her landlord or the management.

She then said her landlord would knock my door down which I responded saying that "your landlord would need to think twice before doing so because I own my place and I am also a [insert here my profession]". Her husband interrupted me asking if I was threatening them and for me to watch my language.

I explained that was not a threat and I was referring to their landlord knocking my door down. Pasting this subject they moved on to "you should apologise because it is annoying when you buzz" and I said I would not assist them again like I had in the past - and pointed out that I did not mind as we are neighbours and everybody can have an emergency. They said they would never have a "key emergency".

All this confrontation because of a key. I honestly do not think I was wrong in buzzing - it was the first time I ever did to be honest. My husband has been living here for over 10 years and never had any problem. I have been living here for 5 years and not had a single problem until now.

I would not mind opening a front door - specially because you do not need to get out of your flat to do that, you just need to press the telephone.

I also must point out that sometimes the postman buzzes any door just to get inside the building and use our mail box for large deliveries. Counteless times I buzzed him in with someone else's parcel.

AIBU or are my neighbours right? Of course you can do whatever you want to your own buzzer but please be reasonable - would you not open for a neighbour if its before 5:30pm?

OP posts:
Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 10/01/2019 10:13

No problem with you buzzing a couple of times but just how long has your husband not had a key? You had plenty of time to get a new one cut so for that you're unreasonable but not massively
He was an arse to speak how he did and was unreasonable and at this point although he was pissed of he was in the wrong because of his aggression.
But you trumped him by knocking his door to confront him and then asking to speak to his wife, who had nothing to do with it, then you tell them never to knock on your door again, at which point they retaliated and you mentioned your job and you own your flat.
To add to this you have the neck to complain about all this confrontation of a key when it was you and only you sho went to confront them so that's another massive hypocritical unreasonable.
You then cause shit with another neighbour by gossiping
Finally you decide to take it out on the postman who is absolutely nothing to do with it!
You have to be one of the most unreasonably argumentative stuck up posters I've come across

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/01/2019 10:18

Just because you went away for the weekend doesn't mean you couldn't have got the keys sorted. That should have been your priority.

Knocking on their door and 'confronting' them was out of order and aggressive. I'm not surprised they were pissed off, especially if they have kids asleep.

SouthwarkSkaters · 10/01/2019 10:46

Your neighbour WBU (and rude and unhelpful) but YWVVVVU to knock on their door to pick a fight. All you had to do (if you so wished) was to not be helpful to them in the future, job done.

As a side note, I’m thoroughly disappointed that the PP pointed out OP’s job at the community place (social worker?), I was imagining things that would put some fear on the landlord, like:
I’m a home owner and a drugs cartel lord or I’m a home owner and world jujitsu featherweight champion

SoupDragon · 10/01/2019 11:18

My husband also needs new keys but usually I buzz him in or he uses the fire scape door.

What sort of fire escape door allows access from the outside? Unless it's broken I guess. Kind of makes the locked front door pointless.

Rosehip10 · 10/01/2019 11:34

Op isn't coming back. Or she could be locked out.

purpleelk · 10/01/2019 11:35

“.... I was imagining things that would put some fear on the landlord, like:
I’m a home owner and a drugs cartel lord or I’m a home owner and world jujitsu featherweight champion..”

Or more accurately... I married the homeowner and I am a professional who owns a phone and can call police, should someone be breaking down my front door.

Itdoesgetbetterhonestly · 10/01/2019 11:51

I can't understand why, if it's really true that you only buzzed him once, you didn't just say "sorry, I've only buzzed this once, it must have been someone else buzzing you the past few days" and left it at that.

SouthwarkSkaters · 10/01/2019 11:52

purpleelk, touché!

CocoCharlie83 · 10/01/2019 11:53

Neighbour was being U for his initial reaction but OP was very U for going down to create an argument.

I suspect that this story is embellished somewhat by OP to make them sound better but they still sound a pillock who still can't see the things they have done wrong in this situation

CheshireChat · 10/01/2019 11:56

I'm actually with the OP, being buzzed in once is hardly a major inconvenience and he shouldn't have been so bloody rude.

If you would've woken up my kid I would've just asked you not to buzz at that time, not tell you to never bother me again (overdramatic much).

And I'd definitely not be helpful towards them ever again (though I would buzz the postie in).

chillpizza · 10/01/2019 12:09

Random buzzing is all part of living in a flat. Turn you buzzer on to silent or dont live in a flat frankly.

Kids will buzz for the shits and giggles/take away/parcel people etc then there is always someone who lets the door bang loudly.

No point in living in one of youbegrudge ever helping a fellow flatty.

OoohAyyye · 10/01/2019 12:14

I can get why you wanted to say something as you have helped out his partner before but I don't feel it was necessary to knock.

Their threatening language was very rude but I also find your revelation of home owning and profession a bit embarrassing. I know someone who throws it out there at every opportunity and I can't believe or bear her sense of entitlement.

Original poster
SoundsExciting · 10/01/2019 12:29

OoohAyyye
I would not have mention that if they did not threat to have my door knocked down if I refused to open for them in the future. So no, they cannot do it because it's my property and I would be a position to act promptly against them.

OP posts:
Original poster
SoundsExciting · 10/01/2019 12:33

chillpizza
Absolutely. Very normal around here, we usually receive or sign parcels for other neighbours when they're not around. Open for take away (someone can have their buzz broken or not respond promptly). Not really a big problem for anyone.

OP posts:
Housecoatdiva · 10/01/2019 12:35

Yanbu- don't do any favours for them again. It's hardly a big deal buzzing someone in and I can understand why you confronted them when they were so rude via the intercom. They sound awful

DanielRicciardosSmile · 10/01/2019 12:38

Why did the TV licensing people need access to your balcony? In my experience all they usually do is knock on the door and ask if you're watching TV without a licence. (Had one come round at 9am on the Monday morning when we'd moved into our first flat at around 7pm the previous night, back in the pre-internet days when you had to go to the Post Office to get one!)

RandomObject · 10/01/2019 12:44

Either your job is something to do with housing or you are a lawyer, in which case by mentioning your job, you were somewhat threatening them. Or you are neither and your job is irrelevant other than to lord over neighbours you clearly see as inferior to you.

I lived in flats where we got buzzed for all sorts and it's bloody annoying, and that was without kids. Even if you haven't buzzed many times, they probably wanted to nip it in the bud as in their eyes you should have had your key sorted already. I think they were perhaps too rude in the initial exchange but you then went down spoiling for a row, which you got.

Pk37 · 10/01/2019 12:51

“As an aside, how did you get back into the building after your holiday if neither you or your DH had functioning keys?”
Very good question ...

TheViceOfReason · 10/01/2019 13:06

You lost any moral highground the moment you bragged about owning your flat, and did the equivalent of "don't you know who i am?" with your job.

Peachesandcream30 · 10/01/2019 14:02

Are you guys all mental? She buzzed on her neighbours door once at 5pm after having been civil and courteous allowing people into her flat to help them out? If I had helped out my neighbours and thought we were on good terms then I'd think it was fine to ring their bell literally one time.

They were rude and yeah maybe she didn't help things but are you all a bunch of doormats? Would you tolerate someone being unnecessarily ride and aggressive to you when you were holding your child, after you have been inconvenienced by them many times but not ever said an angry? I'd have given them a piece of my mind to.

Also, her job is obviously relevent to the landlord banging the door down thing - perhaps she's a police officer or something? I'm so confused by the reactions on here, are you all being deliberately obtuse?!

EmeraldShamrock · 10/01/2019 14:15

Your NDN is UR rude and agressive. Never be helpful to them again.
It is very normal in small apartments complex, when I lived in a small block of apartments we buzz neighbours in no problem.
The cheek of them.

GalacticChickenShit · 10/01/2019 14:20

Peachesandcream30

Why are you so aggressive?

By the way, the OPs 'career' has already been discovered. HTH

Lydiaatthebarre · 10/01/2019 14:29

Faults on both sides I think. You should have replaced missing or broken keys asap. Your neighbour should have been more polite in asking you to do so.

Rosehip10 · 10/01/2019 15:06

There is a whiff of a sock puppet in this thread.

cheesywotnots · 10/01/2019 15:22

Anyone who has their front door kicked in is able to call the police, even people who don't work or rent their accommodation. Using a fire escape door to gain access seems very odd, isn't it alarmed, what's the point of a door that allows anyone access, doesn't that defeat the point of having any security. Slagging off neighbours to other neighbours is a bit childish and could be seen as bullying.