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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument with neighbour AIBU

204 replies

SoundsExciting · 09/01/2019 20:29

Hi all!
I live in a small block of flats and neighbours are not really chatty towards each other but rather civilised. The majority rents and I am a home owner. In the past, the flat not directly below me (lets call Flat X) had some problems with a leak and I opened my door maybe 2 or 3 times for the lady who lives there to check if the problem was coming from my flat - which was not.

In another situation someone from their TV licence came along and asked to use my balcony to fix something. Nothing major and I did not mind opening my door for them in any of those situations.

However, last week I snapped off my keys to enter the building and still haven't got time to get a new one. I will be doing this tomorrow morning. My husband also needs new keys but usually I buzz him in or he uses the fire scape door.

Today afternoon I buzzed some flats randomly just so I could get inside the building and someone buzzed me in. Then neighbour from flat X open his door and asks if it was me buzzing. I said "yes, thank you so much my keys are broken...". He then tells me in a not friendly manner to "never buzz his door again" and he would "not open anymore because its been for days" quite aggressively (not to mention rude). I came home as I was carrying my chid but decided to leave and confront him so I knocked at his door.

I asked to speak to his wife (as I dealt with her in the past reading the leak) and asked how many times I opened my door for her. She said "only twice" and her husband then said I should apologise for buzzing his door, for knocking at his door and that I have been waking their children up for days. I must mention that I broke my keys on Thursday morning and we were away for the weekend returning this Monday. Since then, I have being at home and my husband been to work but I was always able to open the front door for him so I doubt he's been waking up their children once let alone "for days".

So I asked her to never knock on my door again and if she has any problem should speak to her landlord or the management.

She then said her landlord would knock my door down which I responded saying that "your landlord would need to think twice before doing so because I own my place and I am also a [insert here my profession]". Her husband interrupted me asking if I was threatening them and for me to watch my language.

I explained that was not a threat and I was referring to their landlord knocking my door down. Pasting this subject they moved on to "you should apologise because it is annoying when you buzz" and I said I would not assist them again like I had in the past - and pointed out that I did not mind as we are neighbours and everybody can have an emergency. They said they would never have a "key emergency".

All this confrontation because of a key. I honestly do not think I was wrong in buzzing - it was the first time I ever did to be honest. My husband has been living here for over 10 years and never had any problem. I have been living here for 5 years and not had a single problem until now.

I would not mind opening a front door - specially because you do not need to get out of your flat to do that, you just need to press the telephone.

I also must point out that sometimes the postman buzzes any door just to get inside the building and use our mail box for large deliveries. Counteless times I buzzed him in with someone else's parcel.

AIBU or are my neighbours right? Of course you can do whatever you want to your own buzzer but please be reasonable - would you not open for a neighbour if its before 5:30pm?

OP posts:
Original poster
SoundsExciting · 09/01/2019 20:50

I also believe they were just making up stories about their children being waken up by us:

  1. we were away from Thursday to Monday.
  2. Yesterday my husband opened the door for me
  3. I only buzzed ONCE
  4. yes I'm sorting out the keys tomorrow morning.
  5. they should tell me to fuck off? Over a key? Really?
OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 09/01/2019 20:51

I only buzzed once.

It might have only been once but the entitlement that shines from your post tells us all we need to know. You think they don't matter and that you are more important that them.

How do you know that they aren't being continuously buzzed and they thought it was you. All you had to do was say thank you and that you would be repairing the keys tomorrow, instead you got into a completely unnecessary argument because you think you're better than they are.

joanmcc · 09/01/2019 20:51

Stop being a nuisance neighbour and get a damn key. You're a homeowner and a professional apparenty, you can afford a key.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/01/2019 20:51

It says in the OP she's done it twice. It's annoying for them to be letting you in because you can't organise yourself to get the key cut. Then pulling the snob card just pissed them off that bit more. Don't expect neighbourly relations to be good with them from now on.

CloserIAm2Fine · 09/01/2019 20:51

They are BU to be rude about it but YABVU to not have bothered to get your key cut (and your husband doesn’t have a key for his own home wtf!??) and YABU for thinking anyone gives a crap that you’re a home owner or a particular profession. People who use those things in an argument are usually knobs.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 09/01/2019 20:52

Pink I reckon cage fighter.

Singlenotsingle · 09/01/2019 20:52

Of course her landlord wouldn't knock your door down! What a stupid thing to say. Shock

gimmeadoughnut123 · 09/01/2019 20:52

I think YABU. I would have just left it.

I have not sorted my keys before because they broke just before we went away so had no time to do it immediately.

Personally I would have found this quite amusing given the fact you said their landlord shouldn't do things because you own your place. You own your flat- sort out your keys. Tbh it's not their issue when you do or don't have time to get keys cut but you've made yourself sound a bit daft. Their landlord owns their flat as well you know...

This is why I said I would never buy a flat. There's always some sort of falling out with neighbours. We had a huge issue with our upstairs neighbours in our last rental, but that's a whole other can of worms.

LtJudyHopps · 09/01/2019 20:55

Why didn’t you just apologise and say you’re getting new keys it won’t happen again? Why did you need to go and knock on their door, disturb their evening AGAIN and confront them? And then throw back in their face that you’ve helped them?! That’s what neighbours do, help each other. YABU.

Nicknacky · 09/01/2019 20:56

I would have told you to fuck off if you had came to my door to argue the toss about it. You should have said sorry for disturbing them.

unfortunateevents · 09/01/2019 20:58

Neither you or your husband currently have keys to get into your building?? Seriously? This needs to be your number one priority! Even if you were away until Monday, why hasn't it been sorted by now? Suppose one or other of you came home and no-one was in the building? How would you get in? As another occupant I would also be quite fed up up if I realised someone was leaving the fire escape door open to gain access as you say your husband has been doing.

Billballbaggins · 09/01/2019 20:58

This can’t be real, surely nobody has so little self-awareness Confused

Dubbadubbadumdum · 09/01/2019 21:00

Your neighbour was a bit of a dick, OP, but you're really making a meal out of this. All you had to do was go a speak to them and apologise for buzzing on one occaision, and explain that your keys were broken but you'd be getting a set tomorrow, and clear up any misunderstanding. Instead, you've gone in all guns blazing and antagonised everyone and tried throwing your weight around. So what if you own? So what if you work in "a profession"? You've come to these peoples home to lecture them for having the audacity to tell you not to disturb their children's sleep. You really aren't covering yourself in glory here.

Quartz2208 · 09/01/2019 21:05

they may have started it but you massively and unreasonable escalated it

AntiHop · 09/01/2019 21:07

They escalated the situation into unreasonable behaviour when they said they'd get their landlord to knock your door down.

I had a similar situation with my neighbours. We had a young family member visiting and they were aware of a child running around. They complained to me about 'constant noise' when in fact the child was either asleep or we were out for the majority of the visit.

As annoying as it is, if you want to smooth things over you're going to have to pretend to be sorry and grovel a bit. I'd do that to restore a reasonable relationship.

Dollymixture22 · 09/01/2019 21:09

Why did the tv licence people need access to your flat? That seems really odd.

SirGawain · 09/01/2019 21:11

OP you don't sound as if you were very gracious when asking to be let in.
How hard is it to get a new key cut? Most of the big supermarkets near us have a Timsons.

Original poster
SoundsExciting · 09/01/2019 21:11

Ok guys I am now seeing from a different perspective. I should not have buzzed even though it was only once. To be honest I did not think it would cause such a disturbance - their children are big and I doubt sleeping at 5pm but who knows.

Probably they were opening the door for someone else (maybe postman or other neighbour) for "days" as they said. I can categorically it was not for me or my husband.

I will chance my approach from now on regarding postman and other situations when they come around if ever again. I honestly did not mean to be arrogant or superior. He was aggressive towards me just as I was thanking him.

OP posts:
Ontheboardwalk · 09/01/2019 21:12

Why hasn’t your husband got his keys sorted? How long has he been without them?

Could he have been buzzing people to get in?

MustShowDH · 09/01/2019 21:14

YABU

They indicated they weren't happy and you went round there and picked a fight.

BruceAndNosh · 09/01/2019 21:14

This MUST be a reverse.
Your husband doesn't seem to have keys, you have broken your front door key and haven't got a new one a week later?
Don't you have a spare?
So what do you expect would happen is no-one was in to respond to you buzzing the door?

dustarr73 · 09/01/2019 21:15

So your neighbours seem fine to think that they can knock on your door when they need a favour.But you cant do the same.

And i own my own property" was said back to neighbours threatening her.

I have neighbours that are arseholes,so i know where you are coming from.

Just apologize for in·con·ven·ienc·ing them.And let them swing when they need something.

Yabbers · 09/01/2019 21:15

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Door repair person? We’ve established she isn’t a locksmith.

OP, they told you to fuck off because of your attitude, not because of you buzzing their door.

Cuntcuntcunt · 09/01/2019 21:16

What's your profession?

MrsGarethSouthgate · 09/01/2019 21:16

I suspect the profession is a legal one, and relevant because therefore if someone forced entry to OP's flat illegally she would be in a stronger position than most to take action.

The point about owning the flat I presume was relevant in that it would always be OP's authority needed to enter, the neighbour would not be able to bypass her and arrange entry via an agency or landlord.

I think going back to argue was pointless though. You can't reason with unreasonable people, just move on and don't go out of your way to assist them in future.