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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Argument with neighbour AIBU

204 replies

SoundsExciting · 09/01/2019 20:29

Hi all!
I live in a small block of flats and neighbours are not really chatty towards each other but rather civilised. The majority rents and I am a home owner. In the past, the flat not directly below me (lets call Flat X) had some problems with a leak and I opened my door maybe 2 or 3 times for the lady who lives there to check if the problem was coming from my flat - which was not.

In another situation someone from their TV licence came along and asked to use my balcony to fix something. Nothing major and I did not mind opening my door for them in any of those situations.

However, last week I snapped off my keys to enter the building and still haven't got time to get a new one. I will be doing this tomorrow morning. My husband also needs new keys but usually I buzz him in or he uses the fire scape door.

Today afternoon I buzzed some flats randomly just so I could get inside the building and someone buzzed me in. Then neighbour from flat X open his door and asks if it was me buzzing. I said "yes, thank you so much my keys are broken...". He then tells me in a not friendly manner to "never buzz his door again" and he would "not open anymore because its been for days" quite aggressively (not to mention rude). I came home as I was carrying my chid but decided to leave and confront him so I knocked at his door.

I asked to speak to his wife (as I dealt with her in the past reading the leak) and asked how many times I opened my door for her. She said "only twice" and her husband then said I should apologise for buzzing his door, for knocking at his door and that I have been waking their children up for days. I must mention that I broke my keys on Thursday morning and we were away for the weekend returning this Monday. Since then, I have being at home and my husband been to work but I was always able to open the front door for him so I doubt he's been waking up their children once let alone "for days".

So I asked her to never knock on my door again and if she has any problem should speak to her landlord or the management.

She then said her landlord would knock my door down which I responded saying that "your landlord would need to think twice before doing so because I own my place and I am also a [insert here my profession]". Her husband interrupted me asking if I was threatening them and for me to watch my language.

I explained that was not a threat and I was referring to their landlord knocking my door down. Pasting this subject they moved on to "you should apologise because it is annoying when you buzz" and I said I would not assist them again like I had in the past - and pointed out that I did not mind as we are neighbours and everybody can have an emergency. They said they would never have a "key emergency".

All this confrontation because of a key. I honestly do not think I was wrong in buzzing - it was the first time I ever did to be honest. My husband has been living here for over 10 years and never had any problem. I have been living here for 5 years and not had a single problem until now.

I would not mind opening a front door - specially because you do not need to get out of your flat to do that, you just need to press the telephone.

I also must point out that sometimes the postman buzzes any door just to get inside the building and use our mail box for large deliveries. Counteless times I buzzed him in with someone else's parcel.

AIBU or are my neighbours right? Of course you can do whatever you want to your own buzzer but please be reasonable - would you not open for a neighbour if its before 5:30pm?

OP posts:
Wotev · 09/01/2019 21:17

If someone was grateful, fine. Neighbour downstairs is an ungrateful wench so I no longer take in parcels for her. Sour face on her. She can take a hike. If someone does you a favour, be grateful. They did a favour letting you in. And then asked you to stop. I would not got to fight with them!

Cuntcuntcunt · 09/01/2019 21:17

How are you going to get a key cut when neither of you have a key to copy?

TuMeke · 09/01/2019 21:17

I’m actually feeling uncomfortable at the thought that anyone doesn’t have a spare key to their own home... Xmas Shock

Isleepinahedgefund · 09/01/2019 21:17

Jeez! You’re both as bad as each other.

Betty777 · 09/01/2019 21:17

OP - for what it's worth, I actually read your post (unlike many of the PP?) and it doesn't sound like you were a massive dick.
You sound a bit like you might be generally trying to do decent things to help people but then being upset and exasperated when others don't realise/get the wrong end of the stick/act like dickheads.

Get your keys sorted soon though hey, so you don't have to depend on dickheads ? ;-)

Ethel36 · 09/01/2019 21:20

I think that from your neighbours point of view, they didn't know why and for how long you intended to keep buzzing them instead of using your own key. For all he knew it could have turned into a habit. My BIL moved out if his last (ground floor) flat because he was sick of being buzzed to let people in. His number was at the top of the intercom, so naturally got buzzed the most. I wouldn't like to be buzzed either. But he shouldn't have been aggresive to you. He should have just asked you why. He's shot himself in the foot now as you'll never do him another favour again! I dont think you were showing off regarding your profession & flat owner status. You were merely explaining that their landlord has no power over you for favours also to be careful of making threats towards you because of your profession.

User758172 · 09/01/2019 21:22

YAB totally U Hmm

You sound like an entitled dick. What does your job have to do with anything?

Buzzing random flats?! - what gives you the right to disturb your neighbours and their children like that? Really selfish behaviour and I’m not surprised they lost their temper with you.

Stop inflicting your problems on your neighbours!

SoundsExciting · 09/01/2019 21:22

SirGawain

I do not see why I was not very gracious. I was actually grateful someone opened for me! I thanked him and explained what happened and he just snaps off. I guess it was his way to tell me to fuck off like some posters suggested he should have done.

Lesson learnt: If keys accidentally break do never buzz your neighbours, even once.

OP posts:
MrsTommyBanks · 09/01/2019 21:24

cage fighter. Nah. Lollipop lady.

Ontheboardwalk · 09/01/2019 21:24

As cunt asked, how are you going to get a key cut tomorrow if you don’t have a spare?

explodingkitten · 09/01/2019 21:25

What the lesson should be is that as a home owner you should have an extra key!

GalacticChickenShit · 09/01/2019 21:28

LOLZ

SoundsExciting Fri 28-Dec-18 12:09:25
I work in a community centre for less privileged children*

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a3461613-To-wonder-if-middle-class-children-appear-more-scruffy#83642543

Nicknacky · 09/01/2019 21:29

But you didn’t go to their door to thank them. You say yourself you went to confront them.

Ourownpersonaltrap · 09/01/2019 21:32

Look they have probably been buzzed by other people and assumed all the occasions were you. He was pissed off and probably had a bad day so he snapped at you.

You know what most people would have done? Left well alone and just not opened the door for them again.

What did you do? You chose to go back and knock on their door, demand to speak to the wife (who wasn’t involved) and confront them. I guarantee you came across as the aggressor by banging on their door and telling him you wanted to speak to her. You got their backs right up and turned what was probably a snap after a crap day into a full blown row. And you also bought your job into it.

They were twats but so were you. Don’t go looking for a row and then be surprised when you get one!

SoundsExciting · 09/01/2019 21:33

Thank you Betty777 you've got my point.

OP posts:
OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 09/01/2019 21:33

Surely owning her own home is relevant in response to their assumption that their landlord could force entry to her home. They presumably thought she had the same landlord who could enter when he liked for an emergency.

Missingstreetlife · 09/01/2019 21:37

Get a spare key, maybe two and leave one with a neighbour who doesn't mind

Picnictime · 09/01/2019 21:41

YABU
The irritating thing is you saying 'all this over a key'. It's not about a key, its about you putting other people out because you haven't made the time to get a key cut.

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides · 09/01/2019 21:42

Actually, I think the neighbour was rude - if you've only buzzed twice for entry on a personal level, then I think they were dicks not to politely let you know that they weren't happy.

WoldkirkosTheEvilBitch · 09/01/2019 21:43

Why is your job in a community centre relevant to this situation?

JemSynergy · 09/01/2019 21:45

A week of random door buzzing would start to annoy me.

HariboLecter · 09/01/2019 21:45

Get yourself a key cut, get DH a key cut, and while you're there get 2 or 3 spares done as well.

Loka123 · 09/01/2019 21:46

I think the neighbours are being unreasonable but I feel like perhaps others have been buzzing them a lot this week and they've somehow wrongly thought all of the incidents have been you but if all you've said in your post is factually correct, I don't think you're in the wrong. Hate it when people are all too happy to ask others for favors yet get rude and arsey if someone expects the same thing back another day- one rule for them and another rule for everyone else it seems.

SoundsExciting · 09/01/2019 21:46

And yes guys I'm getting my keys sorted tomorrow.

Update: just spoke to my other neighbour as I had a parcel for her. She agrees with me. Also offered me her spare keys and pointed out our neighbour should never speak to anyone in that manner. Also he could have said "sorry I've been noticing you are buzzing quite often. Can you please not disturb us as we've got kids who might be asleep?. Simple and polite.

I'm not opening for the postman any time soon.

OP posts:
ChesterGreySideboard · 09/01/2019 21:48

How did you manage to break a key?
What happened to your husband’s keys?