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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Argument with neighbour AIBU

204 replies

SoundsExciting · 09/01/2019 20:29

Hi all!
I live in a small block of flats and neighbours are not really chatty towards each other but rather civilised. The majority rents and I am a home owner. In the past, the flat not directly below me (lets call Flat X) had some problems with a leak and I opened my door maybe 2 or 3 times for the lady who lives there to check if the problem was coming from my flat - which was not.

In another situation someone from their TV licence came along and asked to use my balcony to fix something. Nothing major and I did not mind opening my door for them in any of those situations.

However, last week I snapped off my keys to enter the building and still haven't got time to get a new one. I will be doing this tomorrow morning. My husband also needs new keys but usually I buzz him in or he uses the fire scape door.

Today afternoon I buzzed some flats randomly just so I could get inside the building and someone buzzed me in. Then neighbour from flat X open his door and asks if it was me buzzing. I said "yes, thank you so much my keys are broken...". He then tells me in a not friendly manner to "never buzz his door again" and he would "not open anymore because its been for days" quite aggressively (not to mention rude). I came home as I was carrying my chid but decided to leave and confront him so I knocked at his door.

I asked to speak to his wife (as I dealt with her in the past reading the leak) and asked how many times I opened my door for her. She said "only twice" and her husband then said I should apologise for buzzing his door, for knocking at his door and that I have been waking their children up for days. I must mention that I broke my keys on Thursday morning and we were away for the weekend returning this Monday. Since then, I have being at home and my husband been to work but I was always able to open the front door for him so I doubt he's been waking up their children once let alone "for days".

So I asked her to never knock on my door again and if she has any problem should speak to her landlord or the management.

She then said her landlord would knock my door down which I responded saying that "your landlord would need to think twice before doing so because I own my place and I am also a [insert here my profession]". Her husband interrupted me asking if I was threatening them and for me to watch my language.

I explained that was not a threat and I was referring to their landlord knocking my door down. Pasting this subject they moved on to "you should apologise because it is annoying when you buzz" and I said I would not assist them again like I had in the past - and pointed out that I did not mind as we are neighbours and everybody can have an emergency. They said they would never have a "key emergency".

All this confrontation because of a key. I honestly do not think I was wrong in buzzing - it was the first time I ever did to be honest. My husband has been living here for over 10 years and never had any problem. I have been living here for 5 years and not had a single problem until now.

I would not mind opening a front door - specially because you do not need to get out of your flat to do that, you just need to press the telephone.

I also must point out that sometimes the postman buzzes any door just to get inside the building and use our mail box for large deliveries. Counteless times I buzzed him in with someone else's parcel.

AIBU or are my neighbours right? Of course you can do whatever you want to your own buzzer but please be reasonable - would you not open for a neighbour if its before 5:30pm?

OP posts:
Outherelivingmybestlife · 10/01/2019 08:15

YABU.

Speak to your managing agent and get some keys cut. Stop thinking you're better than others because you own (they pay good money to live there - and I say that as a home owner too). Stop throwing your job at people, no one cares even if you're the queen.

HumphreyCobblers · 10/01/2019 08:17

Seeing as you have buzzed them in a few times and they only had to do it once for you, I think they have been unreasonable .

Picking an argument about stuff never ends well though, no matter how justified you may be. The best thing to do is suck up someone else being a bell end and maintain politeness.

diddl · 10/01/2019 08:25

"He then tells me in a not friendly manner to "never buzz his door again" and he would "not open anymore because its been for days" quite aggressively (not to mention rude). "

You should have just left it there & decided not to give access to your flat for their benefit anymore.

Lucky for you that someone opened the door imo.

Graphista · 10/01/2019 08:26

YABU AND a snob! Your being an owner & whatever profession is irrelevant!

Even if you own in a flat you're required to allow access for necessary repairs and emergencies that may primarily be affecting other residents.

You're both adults get your bloody keys sorted and stop pestering your neighbours! I'll bet they're not the only ones pissed off with this!

People have different schedules to you, some buzzers can be really loud (ours is) I had this bollocks Christmas 2017 run up where delivery drivers kept asking me to take parcels. I'm disabled & not exactly speedy (when ordering myself I note this) and otherwise ill and often sleeping in the day, as might shift workers be. I don't mind taking stuff for OUR household but I'll be damned if I'm getting woken for someone else's bloody parcel/they've lost/broken their keys!

When did your husband lose/break his keys?

"She only done it once?? Why is everyone making out it was a continuous thing?" Because we're capable of reading between the lines and the op contradicts herself. I suspect a fair few of us have dealt with people like op in real life.

She "usually" is the one to let husband in then "always", only mentions todays incident but the keys have been out of order for nearly a week - if neither op NOR husband has keys somebody has to be letting them in on a regular basis. I suspect it's been happening most days for a couple weeks at least.

I'm REALLY not buying it's only happened once!

"they should tell me to fuck off? Over a key? Really?" No not over a key - over your entitled, arrogant & intrusive behaviour & attitude!

"This can’t be real, surely nobody has so little self-awareness" I can assure you these people are out there - I'm living under 2 of them!

You'd do well to bear in mind:
"Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"

londonrach · 10/01/2019 08:31

Yab. You lost any argument you moment you said my job is ..... you sound so boastful and making the situation 1000 times worse. Why did you mention it. Are you 5. Cut and key cut and apologise for being so nasty to your neighbours.

MoreCheeseDear · 10/01/2019 08:33

I think you being an owner was relevant when they threatened to have the landlord break in. You are getting an unjustified bad time here but the vipers love to pounce. It is AIBU after all.

Just don't co operate with anything that they need in future ad if their LL asks why tell him they are aggressive and unpleasant.

Badstyley · 10/01/2019 08:33

My neighbour buzzed me at 11pm because he’d forgot his keys. He let me use one of his chairs when I was sitting on the landing waiting for a locksmith when I’d locked myself out. It’s just neighbourliness.

Having said that you really should get the keys sorted. One or two times is fine, but if it’s repeatedly it’s taking the piss. Go to the key cutters. It really is a bit daft not to have a key to your own flats, esp when there’s two of you.

FlipF · 10/01/2019 08:40

.

SoupDragon · 10/01/2019 08:46

going back to knock and argue some more (and drag his wife into it) was a dick move

This.

As an aside, how did you get back into the building after your holiday if neither your or your DH had functioning keys?

Lonecatwithkitten · 10/01/2019 08:53

Six of one half a dozen of another.
You should have sorted the keys the moment one got damaged and had at least one spare cut. Mentioning that you are a homeowner and your profession is unnecessary.
He should not have shouted, but sounds exasperated.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 10/01/2019 08:57

YABU. I work nights sometimes and it is hard enough to sleep in the day time without people waking me up. Fortunately I can disconnect my doorbell but I would imagine that is a whole lot more difficult with entry systems.

SoundsExciting · 10/01/2019 09:19

Good morning all. Happy to announce I've got a new set of keys. My other neighbor was kind and lend me hers.

As buzzing ONE time late afternoon causes a imense disturbance according to mumsnet, I will not buzz in postman, allow access to my balcony or any emergency they might have (again) unless the management speaks to me in advance. Their landlord is refurbishing their kitchen as they had a massive problem in the past (not related to my flat but they came here several times with plumbers and engineers). I was always helpful. When they come again (surely they will need) I won't open as that's not my problem Smile world is round.

OP posts:
Bluelonerose · 10/01/2019 09:26

Have you not got a trade button on your door? These are normally on a timer (but you can pull the pins out to stop it working)
7am-6pm.

Areyouongluedear · 10/01/2019 09:30

You come across as an “I own my home” predictably boring type of up yourself arsehole.

Your neighbour seems highly strung.

Glad I don’t live in your block. You deserve each other

SpikyHedgehogg · 10/01/2019 09:31

As buzzing ONE time late afternoon causes a imense disturbance according to mumsnet, I will not buzz in postman, allow access to my balcony or any emergency they might have (again) unless the management speaks to me in advance.

I'm not sure that's going to teach MN a lesson.

9ofpentangles · 10/01/2019 09:32

Wow. He sounds awful. Happy to take from you several times but when you need help once, turns nasty. What a selfish wanker

SpikyHedgehogg · 10/01/2019 09:34

FWIW I think that your neighbour was being very unfriendly and unhelpful. We don't choose our neighbours - we can be annoying and ask for favours like to do with lost keys or tradespeople needing access. It happens.

What I think needs a bit more thought is why you returned to continue the argument. And why with her and not him?

9ofpentangles · 10/01/2019 09:37

Maybe she thought his wife might be more reasonable. I expect she wanted to put him in his place, which I would've done in a moment of hotheadedness but, from experience, it rarely works

SpikyHedgehogg · 10/01/2019 09:46

Be more reasonable about what? She didn't need his wife to let her in the building, she was already in at this point.

9ofpentangles · 10/01/2019 09:47

To understand her point maybe in that she has been v helpful.in the past and didn't expect him to be aggressive about 1 occasion

tessieandoz · 10/01/2019 09:48

I live in a similar block. YANBU! I would consider that letting a fellow resident in occasionally is just common courtesy. Don't give it another thought. They are the unreasonable selfish ones.
And I for one am glad that you " had a word"; with any luck they will have reconsidered and perhaps even realize that they have been unreasonable.

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2019 09:57

Gosh this is all a bit petty isn't it. Now you won't let anyone in.

I don't understand why they think you've been doing it for a week, (and it was a week since you broke your keys) but you say it was once, their story is more logical than yours, and I don't understand why your husband didn't get his keys fixed.

All in very odd behaviour from the pair of you.

JacquesHammer · 10/01/2019 09:57

Meh what a storm in a tea cup.

OP YWU not getting a key cut as soon as you could.

He was unreasonable for being an aggressive twat. However irritating a situation (one buzz, really - not THAT irritating) is, you deal with it in a pleasant manner. Is it really beyond him to say "would you mind not buzzzing us when you need to get in, its disruptive" - job done.

His loss - he can't have it both ways.

Kikipost · 10/01/2019 10:03

I remember the post from a previous thread

She works in a community centre

How on earth is that relevant to bring up in your discussion with the neighbour??

pfwow · 10/01/2019 10:11

Some people like throwing their profession into things like it's impressive, it very rarely is. Those with impressive professions don't mention them. I have an arsey neighbour like that, who also thought was relevant that he is an owner, and was very disappointed to learn that we also own, the sense of entitlement of some people is staggering.