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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed we were still expected to pay?

233 replies

Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:14

Hi all some advice would be appreciated as i’m unsure if i’m right in feeling this way. So the situation goes, a friend of mine was having a party and wanted to hire a hot tub for it. There was only 3 couples attending this small party and we all agreed to split the cost. However the day of the party my husband got severe food poisoning and ended up in hospital so obviously we couldn’t attend. Our friends continued with the party and enjoyed the hot tub. However the day after they asked for our part of the money. I was surprised but paid up as didn’t want to get into a debate. The thing is at the time I was off on maternity leave and financially we weren’t doing great. The other 2 couples have no kids, full time jobs and living very comfortably. I just felt it was a bit shitty of them to ask for the money after everything that happened? What do you think? Cheers

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 10/01/2019 07:58

Yabu

RoseGoldEagle · 10/01/2019 08:18

YABVU. You say your friends can easily afford it- you honestly don’t know that. They’ll be budgeting for things the same as you will- they might have thought -£40 is a bit steep for a hot tub but ok as a one off we’ll go for it, whereas had they known it was going to be £60 they might not have done it. You’re making out like you’re a great friend because you’d never make someone pay- but actually that’s not the situation you’re in, in this situation if you were a great friend then you wouldn’t dream of expecting others to fork out for you when you dropped out last minute.

Costacoffeeplease · 10/01/2019 10:07

kept in mind for the future Hmm

You sound better and better with each post

bluegreygreen · 10/01/2019 10:20

You’re making out like you’re a great friend because you’d never make someone pay- but actually that’s not the situation you’re in, in this situation if you were a great friend then you wouldn’t dream of expecting others to fork out for you when you dropped out last minute.

This.

They shouldn't have had to ask for it - you should have offered and if they could afford it they should have refused.

Singinghollybob · 10/01/2019 10:29

OP, I understand you said you wouldn't chase your friends for payment if the shoe was on the other foot.
But what if say, your friend didn't cancel because of illness, but just didn't fancy it anymore or childcare fell through?
Do you think the other couples should cover the cost regardless of the reason for cancellation, or just in some circumstances?

myusernamewastakenbyme · 10/01/2019 12:04

Op i cant understand why you'd think you shouldn't have to pay....its pretty clear cut to me....tbh your friends will probably hesitate to invite you to future events if this is how you act.

Whisky2014 · 10/01/2019 12:06

Yabu

HundoP · 10/01/2019 12:14

Of course you still had the obligation to pay!

Maybe you need to find more generous swingers friends.

Not Envy, very vom.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 10/01/2019 12:24

Maybe they'd have turned it down if you'd offered. I think sitting tight and not mentioning the money is worse than asking for it.

Cloudsurfing · 10/01/2019 13:17

@Mumosa

Playing devils advocate.... what if someone had died? Is it really that cut throat?

No, obviously if someone had died that is a completely different situation and I wouldn’t even be thinking of the money, it wouldn’t be important.

However that’s not what happened here, you are saying that you are upset that it’s expected you pay when you couldn’t make it due to illness. These are your friends, you need to honour your commitment and pay. Then it’s up to them if they decide to offer.

NewPapaGuinea · 10/01/2019 14:40

If you’d already paid, would you be asking for the money back? It’s just unfortunate your husband was ill, but unfair to expect the others cover the shortfall.

howhowhow · 10/01/2019 14:43

The fact your friends earn more than you is irrelevant and your mention of it makes you look entitled. That said, I wouldn't have asked you for your share of the money. But you had committed to it so they weren't entitled asking you.

Original poster
Mumosa · 10/01/2019 15:04

I wouldn’t have asked for the money back if we’d prepaid. I guess it was under the circumstances I would have thought they’d say “don’t worry about it” Instead i got a phone call first thing the next day asking me to transfer the £40 and telling me what a fun night they’d had.
I must say there was a time in the past when we were sharing a log cabin in the lakes with one of the couples (it too had a hot tub!! Smile) they actually did pull out about a week before due to illness. They offered for us to keep they’re half but we gave them the money back. I just wouldn’t dream of taking money of a sick person and enjoying the fruits of their labour in their absence.

OP posts:
butterfly56 · 10/01/2019 15:30

I agree with you OP.
Your DH is ill in hospital and these 2 couples are more bothered about the extra £20 each it's costing for the flipping hot tub so much so that they can't wait to ring you first thing to make sure you transfer the money.
If I were one of these couples I would not be asking for the money and I would be covering the cost...that's what real friendship is in my book.

Having said that I have known plenty of people "who could peel an orange in their pocket"!....and argue the toss and fall out over the price of a glass of lemonade!...true story btw!

Original poster
Mumosa · 10/01/2019 15:37

@butterfly56

Thank you
I’m sticking to my opinion on this, it’s left a bad taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 10/01/2019 16:04

Wow

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 10/01/2019 16:23

I’m sticking to my opinion on this, it’s left a bad taste in my mouth.

So why did you even bother posting then OP if you’re so sure you’re right?

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2019 16:40

Nice, stick your friends with your bill if possible.

😱

Sparklesocks · 10/01/2019 16:42

Sorry agree with pp, when you agree to split a cost like this you're making a commitment to pay your share.

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2019 16:43

f I were one of these couples I would not be asking for the money and I would be covering the cost...that's what real friendship is in my book

Really? Because I'd have paid my friends what I owe immediately and without having to be asked, because that is real friendship in my book.

In your case friendship means you not having to put your hand in your pocket and your friend having to pay for your misfortune. In my case, I wouldn't dream of making my friends pay for something I'd committed to and owed.

Biancadelriosback · 10/01/2019 16:49

Oh of course OP just happened to have been in this situation before and of course paid covered the cost with no hesitation. Funny how that appears after so many people said YABU.

Flanuary · 10/01/2019 16:56

They offered for us to keep they’re half but we gave them the money back

If you’d have offered them the money, they might have done the same.

It’s shit, but shit happens. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to be out of pocket for my shit.

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2019 16:57

I wouldn’t expect anyone else to be out of pocket for my shit

I think that sums it up nicely.

JamesBondFire · 10/01/2019 17:05

YABU and should have paid without them having to ask. You made a commitment to paying. The host shouldn't have to pick up your bill. It's unfortunate that you weren't able to attend.

jade19 · 10/01/2019 17:31

YABU, you agreed to pay it before your partner got ill so whether you can afford it or not you would have still been out of pocket that money

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