Aunt has had a heart attack but DP being an arse

[BonnieBright]

...but DP doesn't want me to visit her for too long as we have a small baby and he doesn't want to be away from our son for a week.

We've had a massive row over it. She's my aunt. And it's only a week.

I'm upset. I need to be there for my mum also who is in bits. I'll be visiting next week too, regardless of how he feels about that.

She lives in Cornwall and I'm in Wales so not like I can just pop down for the night.

I know HIBU but I'm in tears and angry and worried about my aunt so needed to vent on mn :( I've never been close to my aunt but I love her and she's been present my whole life. I'm surprised how upset I am over it.

What is wrong with everyone today?! YANBU. You sound lovely. You're husband is being a selfish arse. Go and be with your mum. Sending positive thoughts

*your

I think an extra adult would be practically useful at this point.

that's my fault for not including a few things in the OP

You included enough op I’m still flabbergasted at some of the responses. ‘A man must never be denied his rights to see his baby (after work) even if there’s a massive family emergency’ it’s a really fucked up mentality.

It is pretty simple isn't it?

If he is going to miss the baby that much then he would take a couple of days off to go visit them, he wouldn't say it was a waste of his annual leave.

He just doesn't want OP to go and is using missing the baby as an excuse.

OP, you sound lovely and caring. Your DP sounds selfish and childish.

Honestly, go and help your mum. I feel very sorry for you because if I were in this situation my DP would be helping me arrange my transport down there, coming down to join me over the weekend so that I could avoid all that extra travel with the baby, and seeing if he could take the Friday off work to come down and help out too.

Your DP’s reaction is not that of a loving, caring partner

Some of the comments on this thread really demonstrate what is wrong with our society.

OP, I really feel for you and hope your Aunt makes a full recovery and her children are OK. You sound like a lovely person and you are doing the absolutely right thing.

Why do so many people feel their opinion is so valid they must post and yet they cannot even be bothered to RTFT? Some of these posts are totally unbelievable. Best wishes OP, I hope things are not as bad as you fear, my thoughts are with your family and those poor children.

Op Just read your update about your aunt, that does sound serious. I really hope she recovers, for herself and for her children.

Your DH really should be supporting you and making this as easy for you as possible, not adding to your stress. I think he should be going down on the weekend, not expecting you to go home (unless you want to). He sounds like a selfish prick, you really find out what someone is really like when the chips.
for your family, I really hope for the best for your aunt.

Actually I think you should go and I think he should be coming to stay at the weekend instead of you going home.

I think YANBU. And I second this.

What I will say as well OP, is don't be scared of SS.

If your Aunts recovery goes on for weeks/months etc, you can approach the school to see about accessing any help, such as transport, extra Nursery hours etc.

They'll want to keep Family looking after the children and can put a support package in place. I'm only thinking that your Mum can't be in two places at once.

My DH was seriously ill before I was Widowed and it's physically and mentally draining doing it all.

As said, make use of anyone offering help.

What the hell?! So weird on here lately.

YANBU at all! If he wanted to see the baby that much he would take leave & actually help out.
I personally think he's being a bit controlling actually.

I went on holiday with my dm & new baby and my dh stayed behind because he had to work. He was happy for me to go and if it had been the ops situation he would have come down at the weekends to help out if he didn't have leave but if he did he would use it to help out.

YANBU- you are on maternity leave and are not even away at the weekends. Your mum needs your support. Maybe suggest moving to Cornwall in the near future so you never need to do any overnight trips to see your family. When you live away from family it is only to be expected that you may have to stay away sometimes.

I can understand his feelings about not wanting to be away from his baby, however, it sounds like you are needed. Who is going to look after your Aunts children if you don't? Take care of yourself and your Mum.

I'm sure my view is biased by the fact I haven't seen my aunts for 10+ years since I was a child (and for no actual reason other than neither side bothering to arrange to meet) but personally I think YABU.

"I think an extra adult would be practically useful at this point."

Yes-3 kids, more than one dog!

Where is the children's father?

The op said she is going to be there for her aunt and also her mum. That her mum asked her to go is neither here nor there. Of course op should go, but it’s also important to take a look at how you are feeling and what support you need and can offer to mum/aunt. Op has a very young baby and should be wary of open ended commitment and taking on everyone else’s worries and fears. Might seem odd to mention - and apologies if expressed badly - but jumped to help a relative myself in a similar situation, and ended up needing help myself a few weeks in. I’d vastly underestimated the need for professional help and took on the load myself out of a sense of worry, duty, fear etc.

I'm sure my view is biased by the fact I haven't seen my aunts for 10+ years since I was a child (and for no actual reason other than neither side bothering to arrange to meet) but personally I think YABU.

So therefore it's completely impossible to imagine why anyone else would want to help out their extended family?

Sorry but its not going to be a 2 week situation so it would probably be better to look at longer term solutions. Can you contact a rehoming charity for the dogs? Can you look at increasing the number of days the 2 year old is in nursery? Is anyone in the family willing and able to look after the children in the longer term? If not it's time to get social services involved.

Go girl! Your baby will be with you so why is your husband so worried? Nice that he will miss the little one but, honestly, it's only for a few days over a couple of weeks. We all need a helping hand sometimes and your aunt and mother do right now. Also good for your baby to learn early that we put ourselves out for others, especially family.

Husband is being a bit petulant imo, hope you don't give in to him or it will set a precedent.

x 2 and x 2 for you and your mum.

I'd love to have relatives like you. x

"I'm sure my view is biased by the fact I haven't seen my aunts for 10+ years"

But Op is mainly going to help her mum.

His desire to see the baby frequently is oufhtweighed by the need for your emotional and practical support.

YANBU. Your OH is being unreasonable and selfish.
I do hope your aunt is not as ill as you fear and that she does recover. It is very good of you to go and support your mother and help with your aunt's family in this way. How kind you are

I would 100% be going.
Your dm will be going through hell.
It's nice your dh wants to bond with your dc but it's a blooming emergency.
I would be asking him to come along with me.
Please look after yourself also while you are away. Your baby is young and you will be exhausted.

So sorry to hear about your Aunt Op, she is so young.
I also agree that not only should you go to help 3 bewildered kids, so that your mum can be with your aunt.
Also your DH should be driving down after work on the Friday, to see how he can help your family, as you did when his father had a stroke.
Your baby will have no clue that s/he hasn’t seen dad for a few days.