Aunt has had a heart attack but DP being an arse

[BonnieBright]

...but DP doesn't want me to visit her for too long as we have a small baby and he doesn't want to be away from our son for a week.

We've had a massive row over it. She's my aunt. And it's only a week.

I'm upset. I need to be there for my mum also who is in bits. I'll be visiting next week too, regardless of how he feels about that.

She lives in Cornwall and I'm in Wales so not like I can just pop down for the night.

I know HIBU but I'm in tears and angry and worried about my aunt so needed to vent on mn :( I've never been close to my aunt but I love her and she's been present my whole life. I'm surprised how upset I am over it.

Good luck Bonnie

*It beggars belief that people are putting the feelings of an able bodied adult man who just doesn't fancy being on his own, over the needs of the OP's family, who are in serious, life or death crisis right now.

WTF is wrong with you people?*

👆🏽This!

OP - safe journey.

I hope that you're able to negotiate that your DH comes to you over the weekend. He'll see your baby and there's a good chance that he can help out with something.

I don't fancy reading thorough the 12 pages I haven't read, so I've probably missed lots but wanted to wish you all the best OP at this upsetting time xxxx

How is your auntie today BonnieBright?

I’m glad you went.

On another note, my DH had a massive ‘widow maker’ heart attack almost 4 years to the day ago.

We were told that because of the prolonged oxygen starvation he had less than 5% chance of survival. IF by some miracle he survived then brain damage would probably be severe, and even leave him in a vegetative state.

Well miracles DO happen. He lived. He returned to work just a month later and 4 years on we have a few memory issues but that’s it.

I know it’s purely our story but I wanted to let you know there is always hope xx

Of course you are not BU. I don't know what's wrong with some people. Your H needs to suck it up. Life brings all manner of twists and turns and I think that not helping will be something you regret. Missing the baby does not trump being available and present when your mum needs you. Looks like you might actually have two babies on your hands ...

I hope the OP will not be turning round and heading back this afternoon so she is there for her husband when he gets home from work. Rather he should be packing a weekend bag and heading down to Cornwall to help his family.

'Sorry to sound harsh but dads have got rights too and if he doesn't want to miss his child for two weeks then that's his right.'

It's not his right to force his wife to stay at home every day in case he wants to see his child that day at his convenience. This isn't Saudi Arabia. He can travel to see the child if he can be bothered.

Dad isn't on the scene and hasn't been for 5 or so years sadly.

And

She has 3 children 2,5 and 12.

Are confusing me.

steff13-I think Op means that her own dad isn't about-hence her mum turning to her for support.

Her Aunt is single, but hopefully there is a dad who can step in.

@steff13 you can still get pregnant by someone who I would class as not on the scene. He comes in and out of their lives as he pleases and hasn't acted anything like a father for 5 years. He is abusive and controlling. The fact that they had sex 3 years ago and she had a baby (that he's met once) means zilch in regards to his parenting skills. He hasn't lived in their house, done a school run, sent a Christmas present etc for 5 years now.

@diddl my dad is about thankfully but he's not with my mum anymore and lives the other side of the country. He's offered support but there's not much he can do.

Her ex partner is not what I would class as 'On the scene' however.

I'm still here and not planning on leaving until at least tomorrow. Realised my DS has his vaccinations on Monday so have to get back.

Sorry, OP-by not about I meant that your mum & dad weren't together.

Hope that things are going as well as can be expected & that I haven't upset/offended by my misinterpretation.

@diddl thank you, and no of course you haven't don't worry :)

Things are, okay...

People are strange on this thread. Of course extended family are important to some people. The saying is it takes a village to raise kids. You and your mum need to be your aunt's village to help with her kids just now.
Your dh is out at work most of the day. You will be home at the weekends. Go to help. Your dh can enjoy the rest whilst you guys are away during the week and you can have family time at the weekend.
Hope she recovers quickly.

What would he see him for during the working week - a couple of hours at night? Plenty of fathers don't get to see their children for months at a time - mine didn't meet me until I was there months old - but they get on with their jobs and take what they can. He can't be THAT bothered if he won't take leave to come with you.

He can't forbid you to go outright so he's just being awkward.

If you go to the local GP and explain the situation (that you are a visitor due to the circumstances and your baby is scheduled to have them), it's highly likely they would be able to give the vaccinations where you are right now - there's no law that says you have to get them done in your usual area.