Aunt has had a heart attack but DP being an arse

[BonnieBright]

...but DP doesn't want me to visit her for too long as we have a small baby and he doesn't want to be away from our son for a week.

We've had a massive row over it. She's my aunt. And it's only a week.

I'm upset. I need to be there for my mum also who is in bits. I'll be visiting next week too, regardless of how he feels about that.

She lives in Cornwall and I'm in Wales so not like I can just pop down for the night.

I know HIBU but I'm in tears and angry and worried about my aunt so needed to vent on mn :( I've never been close to my aunt but I love her and she's been present my whole life. I'm surprised how upset I am over it.

You're still being unreasonable, OP. I did see that your mother has asked you to stay with her but I also think that's unfair of her to ask.

I bet you'd complain if he took the baby and visited somewhere next week 'regardless' why are you not taking his views into account at all?

When I say a week, I mean a working week. Mon-fri. Sorry I should've been clearer.

I think take the emotion/shock out of it for a moment.

Think rationally. It's natural of you to want to support your Mum. But if she's visiting your Aunt in the hospital, what are you actually going to be doing for a week, other than sitting in your Mum's house with baby? (You will not be allowed to take him into the ward.)

Could you compromise with your DP and go for a few days (and ask him to stay at the weekend?) Hoping for good news for your Aunt.

Your mum sounds like she would like you there, could your dh come down and stay with you and your mum at the weekend. Could he take a couple of days off work to go with you.

@cheesywotnots he could but he doesn't want to.

Of course YANBU. It's an emergency and your mum needs help. He's asking you to stay at home when he is at work all day, and you have stated you will be home for the weekend anyway. He's entitled to feel a bit sad but he should be supporting you.

Does your aunt have a partner or friends who could help out with her children, school runs, dog walking, maybe your mum shouldn't be taking it all on herself.

Bare in mind you prowont be allowed to take the baby on the ward due to the risk on infection.

I don’t think YABU. It’s a max of 4/5 nights at a time. You’re seeing him at the weekends, and he’s going to be at work anyway, so wouldn’t be seeing the baby in the day. I don’t see the problem and know my DH wouldn’t have had a problem in the same situation.

@worridmum I would take the time off work and go with him, which he has the option of doing. In fact, when his dad had a stroke I took 3 weeks off to look after him whilst DP carried on working. Not that that's relevant but I'm just saying that it's in my nature to be there for family.

I accept that most think IABU so guess I need to have a think

yanbu at all. You are going to support your mother who has young children. She needs the help and is probably all over the place thinking of how to see her sister while looking after children pets etc. Your husband is an area if he can't see that.

OP, you haven't answered PPs who asked if it was the other way round would you be happy for your DH to take your baby away for a few weeks just seeing him/her at weekends?

I'm also surprised your mum would ask this of you directly when you have a baby, it's a big ask and very kind of you to want to be there. I think you can both talk and find the middle ground though - shorter visit just you and baby then a weekend with all of you if its still needed. How do you know it will be over a week btw? Really sorry for your auntie but my dad had one and was out of hospital in less than a week. Of course full recovery does take longer, but hopefully being quite young she'll be able to get better.

Also, the OP is going to support her mum, not to take the baby to the hospital.

@Jackshouse I'm not taking my baby to the ward. I'm supporting her by helping her out.

@cheesywotnots Dad isn't on the scene and hasn't been for 5 or so years sadly.

This is all so crap.

I instantly thought of an older lady when you said aunt but now you have clarified she has children.
So is the plan for you to look/care for the children while your mum is at the hospital with your aunt. If so YANBU.
That would be a lot for your dm to deal with on her own. Does she have no one else who could help?

I’m with you op, you’ll be back at the wkend- blimey, you’re helping your mum- genuinely can’t understand the fuss here.

@AgathaMisty I have. I said I would take leave and go with because it's his family and I would support my DP. My DP has the option to do this but thinks it is a waste of his leave.

If I was at work mon-fri and not ebf and was going to see my baby at the weekend I would like to think I wouldn't like it but would accept that it is what it is.

Ynbu. I can’t understand some of these responses.

YANBU. If he were that concerned about seeing the baby he could take time off to go with you. It's not as if he'd see that much of the baby if you were at home during the week, after all.

HIBU you have a family emergency and you are the primary caregiver. Family is more than the unit that lives in the same house.

I hope your aunt pulls through

YANBU. Some of these responses are completely ridiculous.

MN is typically very dismissive of the extended family though, so it doesn't really surprise me.

@StressedToTheMaxx she's 40. She has 3 children 2,5 and 12. The 2 year old is only in nursery 2 days a week, and the others are at school. 2 year old nerds looking after and taking to nursery, the other 2 need taking to school. They also need support by a familiar face. They have dogs that need walking and feeding. She has no partner to look after her. She's not even able to talk or even move her eyes so whoever said their close one was out in a week was lucky.

He's even more unreasonable now that I see you took leave to help his Dad in similar circumstances. But he won't take any leave and he's also trying to stop you going without him too, therefore leaving you no options whilst you have offered compromises. I'd be furious with him for being so selfish.