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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

shop refused to serve me?!!?

405 replies

elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 21:19

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

OP posts:

KarmaStar · 08/01/2019 21:22

That was unbelievably rude of him OP.you are not bu at all.

MsVestibule · 08/01/2019 21:25

OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.. Apart from the money he's wasting on cigarettes?

But to answer your question, I'm surprised at the shop assistant refusing to serve you, it really is none of his business and I'm pretty certain it's not illegal to sell cigarettes to a visibly pregnant women.

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 08/01/2019 21:26

YANBU to be miffed as you are an adult.

BUT, the shopkeeper can refuse to serve anyone he or she likes.

For the record - and tell me to mind my own if you want - maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea for your OH to quit smoking. You don't want THAT shit around your baby - second hand, passive smoke, and the foul stench from it!

He is only 20 - ask him to quit now, while he is still young, and the damage already done can repair quickly.

BlueJava · 08/01/2019 21:27

Extremely rude of her. However, I wouldn't be getting his cigarettes anyway. He can organise his ID and get his own. If the has money for cigarettes he has cash for an ID replacement.

WhiteWashGails · 08/01/2019 21:27

OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.. Apart from the money he's wasting on cigarettes?

Best response to anything ever

ashtrayheart · 08/01/2019 21:28

I would have said they aren’t for me. But no he shouldn’t have said anything.
Him stopping smoking will save even more money but I’m sure you know that.

cosycashmere · 08/01/2019 21:28

Surely this is a joke?

It's awful to willingly allow your partner to smoke around you when you're pregnant or for them to carry on when baby arrives. Including second hand smoke even if they just smoke outside etc.

MrMeSeeks · 08/01/2019 21:28

OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby
I wouldn't be getting them. If he has money for them he has money to get a licence.
Up to them who they serve.

jarhead123 · 08/01/2019 21:29

Rude of the shop assistant but does make me laugh that you're spare money is going on the baby - apart from money for cigarettes!

As with other posters, ask him to stop. You don't want that horrible smell and habit around your baby.

jarhead123 · 08/01/2019 21:29

your not you're

TickTockClocks · 08/01/2019 21:30

Can’t afford ID but can afford cigarettes?

Lemoneeza · 08/01/2019 21:31

I thought all the kids were vaping these days?

abetterplace · 08/01/2019 21:33

what they said

pastabest · 08/01/2019 21:33

Can’t afford ID but can afford cigarettes?

And has his heavily pregnant girlfriend trotting out to buy them for him so he doesn't even have to shift his arse to get them himself.

Yes I can see why he's not in a hurry to pay for new ID.

caroline161 · 08/01/2019 21:37

Actually I don't think the shop keeper was BU about time more people took a stand. Your partner smoking is increasing the risk of SIDS and numerous other things. Your partner is the unreasonable one here.

Disquieted1 · 08/01/2019 21:37

Appallingly judgemental when it's not his place. Name and shame the shop.

MeredithGrey1 · 08/01/2019 21:38

I’m pregnant at the moment and it’s a fear of mine that I’ll be at the shop buying wine (for DP, or for a present, not for me) and someone will loudly tell me off for it.
It was totally unreasonable of him to say this - regardless of his opinions on smoking in pregnancy (or around pregnant women) he shouldn’t publicly pass judgement

Hidillyho · 08/01/2019 21:38

Yes he was rude, yes he should mind his own business, however, he just said what I expect the other people who serve you were thinking.

Bigonesmallone3 · 08/01/2019 21:38

Embarrassing for u yes, but part of me is really happy that the shop assistance has the balls to stand up for something we all see and carry on walking disgusted..
We know they were not urs but he didn't..

What's he goin to do now? Surely u won't continue to get them for him?

FloralTeacup · 08/01/2019 21:38

Am I the only one who thinks the shopkeeper was right to refuse... I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing I’d sold a heavily pregnant woman cigarettes. Anyone could quite easily say they’re for someone else! I mean really...

MitziK · 08/01/2019 21:39

Good excuse for him to give up - you're being refused a sale without ID, so he either sorts out his own problems to buy them or can't smoke anymore.

MadameButterface · 08/01/2019 21:39

One thing i noticed while heavily pregnant (and i am short and back then i looked young for my age, although that’s all a distant memory thanks to the magic of parenthood) was that i often would get random shit from angry men out and about. Rude comments, OTT aggressiveness, etc, things like a man once held a door open for me and i was in a bit of a daze and kind of half muttered thanks but not very loudly and he bellowed YOU’RE WELCOME at me, that kind of thing. So not huge vendettas or anything, but just an increase in general arsiness. And the conclusion i came to is that there are a lot of men who a) have a bully mentality and pent up aggression and b) don’t like women very much and they delight in venting their spleen at women who look like the world’s least likely candidates to turn round and lamp them one.

But that said, I’d sort some ID out all the same. And get your OH to consider knocking the fags on the head. What if he’s just come in from having one and the baby starts crying and needs picking up? He’ll be getting smoke all over it. It’s a cot death risk factor. Can he try vaping? (I know this wasn't the original point of your post but hey that’s mumsnet)

Caaarrrl · 08/01/2019 21:40

I've never heard anything so ridiculous. He can't afford new ID, but he can afford cigarettes? And he makes you go for them? And he hasn't stopped smoking even though he is going to be a father?

It's not the shop assistant that you should be pissed off at.

nicoala1 · 08/01/2019 21:40

Snort, sorry now. I will go back to my coffee and a teeny muffin treat now. LOL

Needlemaker · 08/01/2019 21:40

I work for co op there's no way we are allowed to say that report to head office please we are trained to refuse politly not to announcing it to the store and we can't refuse due to pregnancy in my area we'd loose half our customers if we tried

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