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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

shop refused to serve me?!!?

405 replies

elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 21:19

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

OP posts:

Inertia · 08/01/2019 22:30

I’m as anti-smoking as they come , but I don’t think it was the shop assistant’s job to police your legal purchases- why didn’t you just reply that they weren’t for you, they were for a family member? I agree with previous posters that the notion that pregnant women are effectively public property, or that they lose their rights to bodily autonomy , is a dangerous road to start down.

The medical professionals in charge of your pregnancy are in a position to give you health advice, the man on the till in the Co-op needs to do his job.

All that said, your husband sounds pretty selfish- plenty of cash for fags, but none to sort out a task which falls to his heavily pregnant wife to sort for him?

Original poster

elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 22:31

@DishingOutDone

You’re being unnecessarily rude. Sounds like you have a personal issue going on, I hope you get some help for that

OP posts:

IncredibleSulk · 08/01/2019 22:32

Gobsmacked at the posters that think that this is ok.

I hate smoking but it’s none of my business what anyone else does with a legal substance, pregnant or not. It’s not the shop assistant’s place to have any kind of opinion on what the OP does during her pregnancy. I’d be reporting him.

Would this be the same as an overweight person being refused service in a chip shop? Nobody is perfect.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2019 22:32

All the people saying the shop assistant was right to...

A.) Assume she was pregnant

B.) Assume the cigarettes were for her

C.) Call her out and embarrass her

D.) Refuse to serve her

Do you also think obese mums-to-be should be given the same treatment by McDonald's staff, when they try to order a Big Mac meal?

VampirateQueen · 08/01/2019 22:32

@redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 actually u don't serve under 18's as they have to be 18 by law to buy cigarettes, get the law right first. I am very strict when it comes to checking ID's and even though I only work 3 days a week have one of the highest amount of ID chacks, pregnant women drink too and that causes a lot more damage to a growing fetus. It is not my job or place to refuse a pregnant woman cigarettes, that would just make me a judgemental cow like you.

MiniMum97 · 08/01/2019 22:34

I agree with above poster. This is discrimination and illegal. Pregnancy is one of the protected characteristics under the equalities act. Disgusting. Who is he to judge anyway. It's your body.

GreatWesternValkyrie · 08/01/2019 22:34

Complain to HO Op, his job is to challenge people he believes to be under age, not to (incorrect) pass judgements. If he feels that strongly about the possibility of selling cigarettes to smoking Mum to be then he should tell his employer this and ask not to work on that counter.

In the meantime, take your pregnant self back there tomorrow and attempt to purchase condoms - then report back and tell us what he had to say about that 😁

AntiBi · 08/01/2019 22:35

And so where does this end ...

Shop assistant refusing to sell chocolate to someone who they perceive to be 'overweight'?

Shop assistant refusing to sell sweets to parents with kids cause it's bad for their teeth?

Shop assistant refusing to sell that lovely bottle of red because you have under 5s with you and it's just so bloody irresponsible to drink and childcare even if you are in fact doing dry January and it's for your childless friends' birthday present?

Shop assistants shouldn't presume anything. Without further information, they may well draw the wrong conclusions in the split second they have at their disposal.

I would complain in writing to the co-op and ask precisely what other products you are being denied because of your pregnant condition.

BishBoshBashBop · 08/01/2019 22:35

He doesn’t smoke around me and he won’t be smoking around a baby as he goes outside.

It will still be on him and his clothes.

HTH

NothingOnTellyAgain · 08/01/2019 22:35

Shop assistant was totally out of order.

PP said they work there and publically rebuking customers is not their policy so you could complain if you fancied.

I'm also not keen on the idea that any and all strangers should be loudly commenting /judging /telling off women they don't know, who are pregnant, and doing something they disaprove of. Being pg is tough enough for some without every Tom dick and Harry starting on you for red meat / non flat shoes/ running / being in the pub / buying cigarettes (for anyone) / etc etc and so on. The list of things women are not supposed to do is long and ever changing. I think this just invites people who feel like it to have a go at women who may be feeling vulnerable TBH.

As if as women we don't get enough random coming at us with their views about what we're doing when we're not pg FGS.

SuziQ10 · 08/01/2019 22:36

Surprised you weren't embarrassed.. going into a shop pregnant buying fags!?

( anyway should you really be pandering to his smoking habit. If you can't afford ID not sure how you're gunna afford a child)

NothingOnTellyAgain · 08/01/2019 22:37

AntiBi I've heard of women who are pg being refused coffee (may be USA).

I don't think it's a good path to go down.

BlackPrism · 08/01/2019 22:37

People, she is under 25 and didn't have ID. He should have refused to serve her purely because of that. Think 25.

MiniMum97 · 08/01/2019 22:37

I really cannot believe some people are trying to justify the cashier's actions. He was so wrong on so many levels!

BlackPrism · 08/01/2019 22:38

I just saw that only he didn't have I'd. Fucksake ignore me I'm clearly an idiot.

Howhot · 08/01/2019 22:38

The shop staff were out of order.
However second hand smoke can harm your baby and your ok with it? Apparently he does need ID because he's sending his pregnant partner out to buy his cigarettes despite the fact you have no spare money apparently. There's a difference between not nagging him to quit and buying his cigarettes.

RedRainSinister · 08/01/2019 22:39

Oh fgs. All this waiting an hour, showering, etc before holding the baby. You know it’s all bullshit right? I smoked through all my pregnancies, and through bringing up my kids. None had any problems, none of them smoke. I was brought up the same. My grandad smoked his pipe around all his 12 children and 30 odd grandchildren. Second hand smoke is wildly exaggerated. Third hand smoke is a completely made up concept. What’s next, fourth hand smoke? People are so ready to believe whatever the so called “experts” tell them. These threads make me laugh. OP the guy at the shop was completely out of order and ignore all the scare mongerers on here. Your baby will be fine.

BishBoshBashBop · 08/01/2019 22:39

I'm also not keen on the idea that any and all strangers should be loudly commenting /judging /telling off women they don't know, who are pregnant, and doing something they disaprove of.

Sorry I didn't realise we were all supposed to think in a hive mind and never pass comment on anyone that is pregnant ever.

MiniMum97 · 08/01/2019 22:40

He was rude, bullying, patriarchal, and inappropriate. I believe in a woman's right to choose as its her body. It's not for some random male in a fucking local convenience store to start judging, condemning and telling her what she can and can't buy with a bare smidgeon of the facts.

ShatnersBassoon · 08/01/2019 22:40

What exactly did you say in response to the assistant?

MoaningSickness · 08/01/2019 22:41

We would call the police if the partner was driving dangerously down the road putting her at risk. Also if he was physically or emotionally abusing OP and therefore increasing her risk of premature birth or still birth. What's the difference ?

In case you really are so dim-witted you can't understand the difference, driving dangerously and abusing people are both illegal, smoking is legal.

Similarly the moron comparing it to letting an under 16 year old buy cigarettes...

A shop assistants job is to abide by the law in selling things, they don't have powers to make moral judgements on anyone elses purchases, and if they do so they are rude arseholes who need reporting and ideally would lose their job.

Bellebelle · 08/01/2019 22:41

OP he will also need to avoid holding the baby for at least 30 minutes after smoking and ideally change his clothes before doing so as a lot of the harmful chemicals from cigarettes are absorbed into whatever the smoker is wearing, in their hair etc. The baby also shouldn’t share a bed with you if one of the parent’s smoke even if it is always outside. Not being judgemental, just sharing some of the advice we were given by our health visitor when DD1 was born as my MIL smokes we originally only thought that we need led to ensure that no one actually smoked around her but risk of SIDS can be increased through contact with smokers even when they aren’t smoking.

BishBoshBashBop · 08/01/2019 22:41

RedRainSinister Glad you know better than medical experts etc. Go you

Blankiefan · 08/01/2019 22:42

The shop assistant was entirely in the wrong to make a moral decision for you. I would report to Co-op's head office. It is entirely disrespectful to not treat you as an adult in this respect. Would he refuse to serve an elderly coughing man? There's an element of misogyny at play here.

BTW I agree with everyone else re: the dangers of second hand smoke and the waste of money but that isn't what you asked about.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2019 22:42

Sorry I didn't realise we were all supposed to think in a hive mind and never pass comment on anyone that is pregnant ever.

You think it's ok to loudly comment and embarrass a complete stranger just because she's pregnant?

Really?

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