Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

shop refused to serve me?!!?

405 replies

elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 21:19

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

OP posts:
FloralTeacup · 08/01/2019 21:41

@caroline161

@Bigonesmallone3

Good to know I’m not alone!

HavelockVetinari · 08/01/2019 21:42

He can afford to smoke but not new ID? Hmm

Also, a parent who smokes is a massive risk for SIDS - to mitigate this he'd have to shower, wash his hair and change his clothes not to mention waiting a whole hour before holding the baby after each cigarette. Sounds like he'll be either a health risk or a hands-off father. Sad

VampirateQueen · 08/01/2019 21:43

Oh give over starting on the OP's OH because shock horror he smokes.
I work in a shop and hate it when pregnant women come in and buy cigarettes, but I would never refuse service. It is their body and their baby, not my business.

daffodillament · 08/01/2019 21:43

Take no notice of the judgy comments from those who I suspect are far from perfect and who know nothing about you and your circumstances. I would send a tweet to co-op commenting on the extremely unprofessional manner of this shop worker. How utterly humiliating for you. No ones business but yours. Presumptuous bastard. Whether you smoke or not its got nothing to do with them !

Bubs101 · 08/01/2019 21:44

Very rude of the shopkeeper.

BUT if your DP can't live without cigs and is so desperate he gets his pregnant DP to get them, then he can bloody order a new ID, it takes 5 minutes.

Dollymixture22 · 08/01/2019 21:44

Shop assistant sounds like an arse on a power trip.

Contact the co-op and ask them if they have a policy on serving pregnant women.

A colleague of mine once got a lecture in tescos from a shop assistant for buying baby formula. She was livid. Refuses to shop there.

CloserIAm2Fine · 08/01/2019 21:46

Technical YANBU, when I worked in a shop there was a woman who came in everyday throughout her pregnancy and bought a pack of 20 and I absolutely hated serving her but I still did it because it was my job. I massively judged her though.

However your DP is being massively unreasonable for wasting money on smoking when you’re trying to save money for the baby (can’t afford to replace his ID but can afford to smoke?!) And for smoking around you while you’re pregnant.

PinkFizzz · 08/01/2019 21:47

I work in a shop and hate it when pregnant women buy cigarettes

Why? How do you know they're not buying them for a friend or a family member?

I'd complain to the shop OP, for a start he assumed wrongly they were for you, and secondly even if they were for you and you intended to chain smoke the entire pack it's none of his business.

Tweety1981 · 08/01/2019 21:48

Hi .

I think a lot of people here ( including the cashier ) are perhaps falling into a trap of forming opinions about you and your lifestyle and your partners smoking habit .

The cashier may have actually discriminated against you ( which is illegal ) if they didn’t sell you cigarettes on the basis that you are pregnant . If you didn’t have ID and they believed that you were underage then they CAN refuse to sell the cigarettes .

The fact that the cashier refers to your pregnancy as a reason NOT to sell you cigarettes is possibly a discriminatory (and therefore maybe even illegal )remark and I think you should be upset if the cashier treated you differently because you are pregnant .

We don’t know what your situation is , it may be that that your partner is trying hard to stop smoking and was at work when he asked you to buy the cigarettes . That’s not for me to judge . Neither is how you choose to spend your money . I think quitting is hard and many people manage it but it can take a bit of time .In any case I’m sure you have been through all the advice from your midwife about smoking and pregnancy and the impact of second hand smoking on babies and children . If your partner needs help to stop smoking or wishes to discuss it they can ask a GP who can help . Your midwife might be able to point you in the right direction too .

Don’t be upset , people judge us all the time . Be happy , enjoy your pregnancy and hope it all goes well . It’s always good to get advice from your midwife about a healthy lifestyle to help give your baby the best start in life , if you feel you would find that beneficial .

Take care

HoustonBess · 08/01/2019 21:48

They were totally wrong to refuse to serve you, but you shouldn't facilitate a habit that could damage your baby.

onlyk · 08/01/2019 21:48

I’ve been refused to but it was because I was buying them for someone else.

I’m not a smoker, a friend texted me to ask me to pick some up, at the till other friend I was with asked me what type X wanted I said the brand. Cashier instantly said they couldn’t sell it to us as we were buying for someone else not present.

So I would consider that as you’re pregnant the cashier may not believe they’re for your consumption and legally are required not to sell it to you.

User758172 · 08/01/2019 21:49

I used to get my husband’s smokes while pregnant. No one refused to serve me. Maybe because they know my husband and knew they were for him. But I wouldn’t have been best pleased if some busybody had refused to sell me a perfectly legal product. Theyr’re there to serve customers, not sit in judgement on them.

Take your custom elsewhere OP, and try to support your DH to quit as best you can. He’s young and has the perfect reason to stop now.

SparklyLeprechaun · 08/01/2019 21:50

Yanbu at all, very rude and none of his business. What next, refusing to sell chocolate to a fat person?

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2019 21:50

And has his heavily pregnant girlfriend trotting out to buy them for him so he doesn't even have to shift his arse to get them himself.

Trotting out? She's a pregnant woman who popped into the Co-op on her way home, not a farmyard animal Hmm

whatsthepointthen · 08/01/2019 21:52

Not surprised it was the coop, Ive found the staff in there to be awful. Not that I smoke but he sounds like he was really rude.

caroline161 · 08/01/2019 21:52

Actually I think it's all our business. We would call the police if the partner was driving dangerously down the road putting her at risk. Also if he was physically or emotionally abusing OP and therefore increasing her risk of premature birth or still birth. What's the difference ? Who is the only person who benefits from the sellers refusal?

The baby....

Suggest you dump OH and ask the shop man for a date!

Bertiebitch32 · 08/01/2019 21:52

You see I'm pleased that someone refused to serve cigarettes to a pregnant lady as it absolutely kills me seeing s pregnant lady puffing away but I feel sorry for you they shouldn't of assumed it was for you. I'm quite naughty I would of kept a poker straight face and said I'm not pregnant just fat Grin

cstaff · 08/01/2019 21:53

Jeez people on here are so judgemental. THE CIGARETTES WERE NOT FOR HER. And definitely the shopkeeper has no business interfering in what you buy or don't.

Polarbearflavour · 08/01/2019 21:55

It’s not up to a supermarket cashier to lecture a customer! They are not a healthcare professional, they are paid to process sales transactions and replenish shelves.

caroline161 · 08/01/2019 21:55

Yes I think we all know the cigarettes weren't for her...

MissMarplesBloomers · 08/01/2019 21:55

dafodilament- The co-op chap was possibly out of line for speaking up as no that is not his job, however I applaud his brutal honesty, TBH

As smoking is a known cause of cancer & it is also well reported that secondary smoking is directly responsible for childhood chest diseases then I don't think it's judgy at all - we all have to take responsibility for our own health & that of our children.

The poor old NHS is already seriously overburdened with the results of peoples wilful ignorance & self neglect. if this couple really want their child to be as healthy as possible they should not be wasting their money on cancer sticks but putting the money aside for the many things they will need fo the babe in future.

Original poster
elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 21:57

He can afford ID, it’s just completely unnecessary to pay out for when he doesn’t use it or need it. I’m not going to keep nagging at him and force him to quit smoking, what is that going to achieve? He will quit when he wants to and it’s not an issue for us.
I wonder how different these comments would be if it was me going to pick up his weekly crate of beer. I doubt there would be an issue there

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 08/01/2019 21:58

I think seeing pregnant women puffing away is horrible, but it wasn't the shop assistant job to police the OP's shopping.

What next? 'Sorry ma'am I'm sorry I won't serve you a selection of nice cheeses because you shouldn't have blue cheese? I have no proof you're going to consume the lot, but its bad for you and as a stranger i shall loudly ensure the whole queue knows why im a top guy for refusing. Sorry I'm not going to serve you a bottle of wine because I've decided that as a pregnant woman you need someone to get involved in your moral choices and I seem my opinion on the hypothetical chance that a drop passed your lips more important than doing my bloody job?'

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 08/01/2019 21:59

I despair ^

HoustonBess · 08/01/2019 21:59

Beer doesn't harm your baby when it's born. Second-hand smoke does. Giving up will be much harder when the baby comes.