shop refused to serve me?!!?

[elliesm98]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

The co-op chap was possibly out of line for speaking up as no that is not his job, however I applaud his brutal honesty, TBH

Would you still be clapping if it turned out the OP was just obese and not pregnant at all?

Where do you go for his weekly crate of beer? Get his fags there too.

Well, he does need the ID, because he’s making you go out and get his fags for him

So tell him to go orde one and he money he’s “wasted” on getting the cigarettes can be one less carton he buys that week

I think a lot of people here ( including the cashier ) are perhaps falling into a trap of forming opinions about you and your lifestyle and your partners smoking habit .

Yeah, fancy us daring to hold the opinion that smoking around one's unborn baby or child is dangerous...

Despair at me red?
I just think the shop assistant shouldn't be taking it upon themselves to police pregnant women's shopping when they have no clue who will be consuming the goods.

@VampirateQueen

Oh give over starting on the OP's OH because shock horror he smokes.

I work in a shop and hate it when pregnant women come in and buy cigarettes, but I would never refuse service. It is their body and their baby, not my business.

Oh give over starting on posters stating their VALID opinions and views. The fact YOU are OK with pregnant women buying cigarettes speaks volumes about YOU. I suppose you serve under 16's with them too eh, because 'it's their body and their business...'

Jesus wept!

It becomes MY business AND everyone else's when the baby/child starts to develop conditions and illnesses that cost the NHS money, and affect that child's quality of life forever.... because the mother smoked when she was pregnant!

The world needs more people like the man in the shop that the OP is on about, and less like you.

And yes @cstaff we KNOW the cigarettes were not for her FFS!

@caroline161

Actually I think it's all our business. We would call the police if the partner was driving dangerously down the road putting her at risk. Also if he was physically or emotionally abusing OP and therefore increasing her risk of premature birth or still birth. What's the difference ? Who is the only person who benefits from the sellers refusal?

Exactly this. How on earth can anybody just not give a toss at the idea of a pregnant woman smoking? The whole “it’s none of my business” malarkey is mental.

“It’s discrimination to refuse serving cigarettes to a pregnant woman”. Surely then, by that logic, it must be “ageist” not to sell alcohol to a person under 18

@Masiypops

I despair at the OP after her last post. Wasn't aimed at you. Cross post...

elliesm98 you’d probably get the same response. You said all spare money is going on the baby that’s why he won’t get a licence which indicates you don’t have a lot of free money. So both smoking and drinking should be stopped to buy things for the baby🤷🏻‍♀️

Well said Caroline and floralteacup!

Some people are deliberately obtuse.

@MaisyPops

I despair at the OP after her last post. Wasn't aimed at you. Cross post...

Well he does need it if he wants to buy age restricted items because of the challenge 21 thing, and he only isn’t using it because he hasn’t got it. So he needs to put his big boy pants on and do some adulting, he’s going to be a father soon fgs

“It’s discrimination to refuse serving cigarettes to a pregnant woman”. Surely then, by that logic, it must be “ageist” not to sell alcohol to a person under 18”

Not really because one of these things is illegal and the other isn’t.

Much as it is distasteful seeing pregnant women engage in behaviour that poses a heath risk to their babies, creating legislation that effectively treats them as a secondary vessel to the child they carry would be far more distasteful imo, and a very slippery slope

It becomes MY business AND everyone else's when the baby/child starts to develop conditions and illnesses that cost the NHS money, and affect that child's quality of life forever....because the mother smoked when she was pregnant!

So you stick your nose into the business of every overweight/obese mother too?

I don’t understand why you’re saying he doesn’t need it when the whole point is he can’t do something because he needs ID.

Won’t he need ID in the future? I use mine fairly frequently for banking, phone stuff, housing.. It isn’t really a waste and you’ll be less likely to afford it once the baby is older and there are more things to pay out for.

But no, the shop shouldn’t have called you out in front of everyone but I do kind of understand why. It is horrible to see a pregnant woman smoke but it’s absolutely not the shops place.

So all money being saved for the baby except his fags and beer?

He needs to grow the fuck up before the baby is born

Some of these responses

It is the cashiers job to ID people, occasionally refuse service if the customer is obviously drunk/aggressive/has fake ID. It is not their job to issue health advice and refuse service based on their own moral judgement.

It is literally not their job to do that.

Interesting thoughts re. how much a shop assistant is required to/ethically obligated to butt in to people's business.

Blind drunk person buying spirits from a petrol station and the like is pretty cut and dry.

Pregnant lady + fags is a bit of a subtle one as they may not be for her.

I wonder what happens if you buy a shovel, Lyme, a saw, a big kitchen knife and duct tape from B&Q!

I only refused sale once in 5 years (other than for not having ID). Friends Dad came in and wanted 8 packs of paracetamol and he had a history of depression

Although on the other hand they may not have been for him either! When DM was dying we used to get annoyed at only being able to buy two packs at a time as they ran out in days.

If shops sell age restricted goods to underage people they get fined heavily.
To purchase cigs, you have to be 18, IIRC.
When I worked in a shop that sold alcohol but not cigs, we had to challenge all who looked under 25, no ID, no sale.
The cashier was following the law, and would have been if it were beer she were trying to buy too, as she is only 20, therefore presumably looks under 25. So he does have to take note of what she is buying due to age not pregnancy reasons.
Admittedly he was a bit crass in the way he did it, but correct outcome legally due to age / ID.

What a self-righteous prick - I'd be inclined to complain. It is absolutely none of his business if you choose to smoke while pregnant.

Also, regardless of all the pearl-clutching on here, don't try ordering your partner to stop smoking. People who smoke will only stop when they choose to do so: you could perhaps ask him not to smoke in the house, but ultimately it's up to him, not you, whether he smokes.

OP YANBU, he should have served you regardless of what he thought.

A weekly crate of beer he consumed would not increase the baby’s risk of cot death. So not the same.

He does need the ID as he cannot get served without it.

You have a dp problem, op. He is about to become a father yet doesnt sound at all ready or responsible.

ReinanimatedSGB

That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to say. Me getting onto him constantly and nagging him isn’t going to do any good. He does smoke outside anyway

not theyre business theyre ther to sell a product email and complain