Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

shop refused to serve me?!!?

405 replies

elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 21:19

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

OP posts:
Original poster
elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 22:14

I didn’t realise smoking made someone not responsible or ready to be a dad? :)

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 08/01/2019 22:15

No, FFS, it is absolutely unacceptable for people to harass pregnant women for smoking and drinking. It is none of your business. As a PP said, yes it might be bad for their health and bad for the foetus, but they still have the right to make their own decisions without input from self-righteous meddling twats. The idea that pregnant women are public property and can be subjected to unwanted advice and opinions is extremely dangerous.

Cheby · 08/01/2019 22:15

i’m not going to keep nagging at him and force him to quit smoking, what is that going to achieve?

It might achieve him giving up before your baby is born.

He will quit when he wants to and it’s not an issue for us.

Really? Your baby being at higher risk of death due to SIDs isn’t an issue for you?

I wonder how different these comments would be if it was me going to pick up his weekly crate of beer. I doubt there would be an issue there

No there wouldn’t. Because there’s no such thing as passive drinking. Not the same as smoking.

I hope he sorts his shit out before the baby arrIves. He’s literally setting fire to money you could use for the baby.

CalamityJane10 · 08/01/2019 22:16

I’m not going to keep nagging at him and force him to quit smoking, what is that going to achieve?

A safer and healthier environment for your baby.

MaisyPops · 08/01/2019 22:17

The idea that pregnant women are public property and can be subjected to unwanted advice and opinions is extremely dangerous.
I agree.

Personally I think smoking in pregnancy is disgusting and immoral, but making it ok for strangers to harass a woman and try to humiliate her in public is also disgusting.

FuckingYuleLog · 08/01/2019 22:17

I think pg women who smoke are spectacularly selfish but I agree with you that the shop assistant was out of order and since it was the Co-op I would be all over their social media. What else don't they let pregnant women buy? Would a bottle of wine for a friends birthday be ok because pg women aren't advised to drink?
A shop assistant has no business in policing the shopping that customers wish to buy if the purchase is within the law. I'm surprised they're willing to sell cigarettes to anyone since they cause cancer. And I wonder how it sits with their conscience selling morbidly obese people cake? If their conscience doesn't allow them to do the job they're being paid to do they should find a different one imo.
I think I can possibly go one better though. When I was pg with my eldest the advice was still to avoid runny eggs. I was in a cafe, heavily pg, and had a craving for a fried egg sandwich. I asked if they could fry the egg really well so the yolk was completely solid and they agreed. When they brought the sandwich over they had forgotten and the yolk was runny. I commented to dh that I was sure it would be fine and the member of staff took the sandwich from me and refused to let me eat it!

libellule1 · 08/01/2019 22:17

OP he needs to get his ID. Are you going to go and get his cigs the day after you give birth? I got ID'd for a pair of kitchen scissors the other day FFS and I'm in my 30's.

Palaver1 · 08/01/2019 22:18

You could sue lol what a palaver..

CJsGoldfish · 08/01/2019 22:19

I wonder how different these comments would be if it was me going to pick up his weekly crate of beer. I doubt there would be an issue there

Why would the comments be any different? At 20 I doubt you are high earners, if you work at all, and spending money on cigarettes and beer is immature at best.

So yeah, you'd probably get the same reaction. After all, it was you that implied that you couldn't spare the money for id. Aside from the fact that clearly he DOES need it, it's another dumb decision to put cigarettes over ID.

Palaver1 · 08/01/2019 22:19

Fyulelog
They were right to take it away from You

DishingOutDone · 08/01/2019 22:23

I'm really glad to see you're getting a hard time on here about him smoking OP, and all this about oh we're 20 but he's lost his ID etc.

You're about to have a baby - that means the baby comes first. There's bound to be an app about that Hmm

Cherylshaw · 08/01/2019 22:24

The question she asked was about the shop assistant refusing to serve her I don't think anyone has the right to assume her partner is smoking around her and that he should quit it's nobody's business. People need to get off their high horse it's not like she is smoking and even if she was still not anyone's business! Regardless of your view
To answer your question it was totally out of line for him to refuse to serve you there is no law against pregnant women buying cigarettes and for that matter smoking them. I work in a coop and we cannot refuse to serve someone just because we don't want to ig if you don't have id or are under the influence

PositivelyPERF · 08/01/2019 22:25

I despair

Budge over and I’ll join you on that bench of despair. You don’t mind if I shake my head and eat popcorn, do you? It’s sweet’n’salty, low fat and I’ve just had two packets.

OP, he had absolutely no right to do that and I would definitely report him, but please encourage your partner to do what’s best for your baby’s health.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/01/2019 22:26

It was rude and bullying of the assistant to embarass you in front of other people. None of his business what you buy.
But you do have a problem with your OH smoking around a young baby/pregnant woman. If he won't give up you have to lay down the law. He cannot light up indoors or anywhere near the baby. Wishing you all the best

Darkestnight · 08/01/2019 22:26

As a shop assistant in a big store its not up to the cashier to determine who buys cigs and alcahol and even energy drinks to under 16 year olds. Only if they look underage and cannot provide id legally we have to refuse you but not if your simply pregnant. We just keep our personal opinions to ourself.
Put a complaint in op

Abbey · 08/01/2019 22:26

Just ignore all the judgemental comments OP.

CurtainsOpen · 08/01/2019 22:26

Oh aye?

EvaHarknessRose · 08/01/2019 22:27

OP, many people would not let a smoker hold their newborn without changing clothes, to protect the baby, which is why pp are concerned about a dad to be smoking.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2019 22:28

I'm really glad to see you're getting a hard time on here about him smoking OP, and all this about oh we're 20 but he's lost his ID etc.

But the OP doesn't smoke, so why should she get a hard time about her DP's addiction?

Coronapop · 08/01/2019 22:28

Shop assistant was right and YABU. If money is tight your DP should give up smoking. I cannot understand why you have been buying cigarettes for him anyway.

speakout · 08/01/2019 22:28

He sounds quite a catch OP.

Can't afford ID, can afford fags, send you yo the shops to buy them.

Darkestnight · 08/01/2019 22:28

Oh and I'd if needed for knives etc and my till even asks for paracetamol to Grin

Original poster
elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 22:29

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff

He doesn’t smoke around me and he won’t be smoking around a baby as he goes outside.

OP posts:
BlackPrism · 08/01/2019 22:29

Tbf, they shouldn't be serving either of you without ID anyway, pregnant or not. I'd have refused too.

PositivelyPERF · 08/01/2019 22:30

Oh aye?

Stop it, CurtainsOpen, it’s too soon, I’m enjoying this one. 😉