Keeping child's lunch for them to eat later?

[mamaandthegirls]

DD is 2 and a half and has never been a fussy eater, will pretty much eat anything given to her. However, on Sunday she refused point to eat her roast dinner cooked by partners mum. She always loves a roast dinner so I was surprised when she didn't eat it. I told partners mum to keep it as she can eat it later at tea time. Partners mum gave me a funny look and said that it was "cruel" to just give her a meal she doesn't want to eat.

Tea time came and partners mum asked if DD would like a sandwich for her tea and I said "no, she can eat her roast dinner she didn't touch." To which she replied "really?! Don't you think she'd prefer a sandwich?" So I said to just put it on front of her and if she doesn't eat it, then she can go home and go to bed hungry as she won't be having anything else.
DD ended up scoffing the roast dinner and I said "see, if they're hungry then they'll eat" but partners mum saw that as a nasty thing to do!

I was bought up that you never give children the option and you tell them what they're going to be eating and if they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry, as I found out a few times as a child! I have never been a fussy eater in my life but DP on the other hand was pandered to too much as a child when it came to meal times and sometimes got given a different meal to his parents.
Just wondered what everyone else's thoughts are on this? And what you'd do?

@mamaandthegirls well we can be throwbacks together then.

the way I was bought up never bought me any negative impact in my life Really? You sound awful, truly awful. I expect it will have a negative effect on the relationship with your daughter if you carry on. I don't even know why you posted here when you don't accept any advice or other viewpoints.

Pumper - I disagree with “enforced hunger” and punitive approaches.
I have explained what I think is a sensible approach.
Sometimes kids will be hungry but if offer a sensible thoughtful option at each mealtime then your child won’t starve or suffer if they sometimes reject it. But there are, of course, exceptions for certain children with genuine sensory issues, for example. I am talking in general.
Seeking an option that a child will eat if they reject the meal will almost always involve a high carb/sweet option that encourages carb rush seeking eg bread/pasta/fruit/cereal. That will inhibit a child’s ability to seek healthy slow release foods. And promote fussiness.
Basically I agree with what is promoted by the Ellyn Satter institute, as mentioned previously.

Worsethingshappen what is the connection between obesity and fussy eating? The fussy eaters and AFRID children I know are overwhelmingly thin, some dangerously so to the point where they need hospital visits.
Obesity seem to have strong genetic components and thinking that if only obese people had been presented with a well calibrated plate when children they would have avoided obesity, is naive.

PS of course children starve themselves. And food avoidance is not just caused by sensory issues, it can have traumatic origins, physiological causes, psychological roots, or a mixture of all of the above.

Being grandmother she will spoil and pander and your DD will love it. I feel like your post is more about who's the better parent.

@Booboostwo there are children who are fussy eaters who will only eat chips and pizza and their parents go along with it because 'at least they're eating something'. That's the problem and link with obesity.

if a child is hungry they will eat. So she would have obviously been going to bed fine as if she was hungry she would have eaten her dinner, no?
And after hundreds of messages suggesting differently you are still on this one

why should I? So she may turn down other meals in the future so she can have a "snack tea?"
Why does everything have to be all or nothing? My DC was off food last week, just wanting fruit. I followed his instincts, turned out he had a cold with a swollen throat. This week, business as usual.

I think being rigid in our thinking does not make for good parenting practices

. I think most of the people on this thread are women who only see their parenting right and not mine. Then again, you'll always get mums like that! The ones that turn their nose up at you for telling your child off in a public place. Then again I am a 'throwback'  the way I was bought up never bought me any negative impact in my life or childhood.

I think the negative impact is your inability to see how inflexible you are and how you dismiss any advice. You also seem very bitter, with DD and other mums.

. I think most of the people on this thread are women who only see their parenting right and not mine.

This just tells me it will be impossible to discuss things with you. This os what you are gathering?
So hundreds of people say you are wrong. Not for a second you stop to think "wait, am I?"
And yet you think all these people are wrong.

Back to this Then again I am a 'throwback'  the way I was bought up never bought me any negative impact in my life or childhood.

Like talking to a wall

@Worsethingshappen But, in general, to minimise fussiness, promote healthy eating and a broader palate kids should be offered one well thought out meal ( with at least one thing you know the child will eat on the plate). If it’s rejected so be it.
But she already did this at lunch, DD had none and no alternative.

@ambereeree I suspect that too

Plane spotting - yes I know that. I don’t agree with punitive approach with second meal. I would just offer a new well chosen meal for dinner. Like I said in previous posts.

If I know they like it I will offer later. If they don't want it then toast and fruit or similar.

At 2.5 I really wouldn't be entering into battles or sending them to bed hungry. In fact I wouldn't let my 8 yr old go to bed hungry either.

I think most of the people on this thread are women who only see their parenting right and not mine

Pot. Kettle. Black.

Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps my approach wasn't the right way but you say "I can admit I am wrong" well, then there are people saying they feel sorry for my daughter? She grows up in a loving, caring, clean home and is thriving, uses manners and is already shown to be a thoughtful, caring individual at nursery. Yet when I make a comment about her eating habits I am this monster? Sorry, but I don't agree with some of your assumptions.

Booboostwo - um, didn’t say there was a connection

@Neverunderfed I'm not saying my parenting is perfect and the right way to do things. I'm saying we all have our own styles that we parent in.

@Worsethingshappen ah I see, I understand now thank you

think most of the people on this thread are women who only see their parenting right and not mine

Well you asked what people would do....and lots told you!

The impression I got was that you can only see your way as right, and aren't willing to see that actually other people do give their kids a choice or more of a say and let them sometimes have a sandwich if they don't want a big meal, and the child hasn't suddenly turned into a demonchild expecting their patent to cater to their every whim!

Thesnobbymiddleclassone eating pizza and chips doesn’t make you fat. Before the menopause I had a BMI of 17 with no eating disorders. I had to drink protein drinks and eat a lot of chocolate and cake to keep my weight even at that level - my mother and brother are the same , we just have a fast metabolism. My fussy eater child was loosing weight because he ate almost exclusively fruit and salads. Where are the epidemiological studies that show a link between fussy eating and obesity?

Worsethingshappen apologies I misunderstood your post. What is the relevance of the obesity epidemic? What is the relevance of the plentiful food supply?

Just referencing the irony of “force feeding”, and “punishments” for not eating in this society where food is so plentiful and obesity (and diabetes type 2) is so prevalent.

Basically I don’t think we need to create battles with our children. Most wont starve.
This is excluding the few children with real pre-existing sensory/psychological problems with food

@thesnobbymiddleclassone the pp has asked if what she did was acceptable. Obviously she didn't mean in the legal sense so after that it's all opinion on parenting style. If she didn't want to know she shouldn't have asked! But I think she did want to know. I think she likes the opportunity to throw her weight around.

I feel rotten for your two year old that she won't experience gentleness in her little life, that she's to be treated not like a growing little human

This. She's so little. I couldn't imagine being so hard on a baby.

My son didn't always want to eat exactly what I'd made for tea when he was little. I'd ask him to at least try it, sometimes he'd try it and then eat it, other times he really didn't like it. I'd fry him up eggy bread if all else failed. He's 11 now and eats pretty much everything.

It's funny people often say the phrase 'I was brought up to do x y or z' as if that somehow demonstrates that its the correct way to behave. I think it's important to understand that one's parents aren't infallible. I parent quite differently to my own mum. I probably wouldn't re-offer an old meal to be honest. Sometimes I fancy a sandwich rather than a roast...

I’d have offered the roast dinner but probably given something else if she didn’t eat it.