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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping child's lunch for them to eat later?

323 replies

mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 16:49

DD is 2 and a half and has never been a fussy eater, will pretty much eat anything given to her. However, on Sunday she refused point to eat her roast dinner cooked by partners mum. She always loves a roast dinner so I was surprised when she didn't eat it. I told partners mum to keep it as she can eat it later at tea time. Partners mum gave me a funny look and said that it was "cruel" to just give her a meal she doesn't want to eat.

Tea time came and partners mum asked if DD would like a sandwich for her tea and I said "no, she can eat her roast dinner she didn't touch." To which she replied "really?! Don't you think she'd prefer a sandwich?" So I said to just put it on front of her and if she doesn't eat it, then she can go home and go to bed hungry as she won't be having anything else.
DD ended up scoffing the roast dinner and I said "see, if they're hungry then they'll eat" but partners mum saw that as a nasty thing to do!

I was bought up that you never give children the option and you tell them what they're going to be eating and if they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry, as I found out a few times as a child! I have never been a fussy eater in my life but DP on the other hand was pandered to too much as a child when it came to meal times and sometimes got given a different meal to his parents.
Just wondered what everyone else's thoughts are on this? And what you'd do?

OP posts:
Worsethingshappen · 08/01/2019 21:33

Oh I can’t resist one last reply....
OP - who said you need to throw a whole entire dinner away? You can still freeze/reuse/eat it yourself. And to be fair, a whole dinner for a 2 year old isn’t that huge. Though that’s not too say it’s ok to waste it either.
Also why not only start with a very small portion so that if it’s not eaten you have untouched leftovers in the pan?

planespotting · 08/01/2019 21:37

Bet you'll still be making their packed lunch for them when they're 30 and in a full time job, when they've even left home! Sad.
Also @Morgan12 to answer your question because you seem to be almost crying when I don't answer it

I think you have bigger issues than a sandwich OP

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 21:38

@Worsethingshappen I do agree with your reply there. That is true, I didn't actually think of doing that tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 21:40

@planespotting care to share then?Grin
@NeedAdvice12345 I am not arguing with everyone that disagrees with me I actually started replying to people when they started saying I'm some sort of control freak because my daughter won't eat a meal I've given her.Smile

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 08/01/2019 21:41

My mother hit me if I misbehaved, I turned out ok so I insist on hitting my DD if she misbehaves.

My mother forced me to eat the meals she cooked or else I would go to bed starving. So I insist on forcing my DD to eat whatever I put on her plate.

How controlling. Lets play Russian roulette with children's relationship to food. 1 in 6 chance of being bulimic, anorexic, obese, healthy, or ED.

How hard is it to make a sandwich?

poglets · 08/01/2019 21:41

Your partner's mother needs to mind her own business and leave you to parent.

Worsethingshappen · 08/01/2019 21:43

👍😉
Good night and good luck.
This parenting stuff can drive me crazy! Don’t really know what l’m doing myself to be honest...

planespotting · 08/01/2019 21:44

I think this is really concerning actually
All you have to do it let a child get away with something once and they'll think it's ok to walk all over you.
They are children, they don't "walk all over you"
Why do you have these believes? It is very strange and worrying

But the nursery that DD attends encourages children to eat all sandwiches first and followed by any raw fruit / veg then they leave what's left in their lunch box. Not once has DD come home with even a crumb in hers!

Well my nursery has done their research in self regulating and they have a snack table that the children can pick form when hungry, with a selection and not watching or encouraging.

I understand people may not agree with me and that's fine but I'm annoyed that people say that I control my daughter...
Hmm
Let's look at this again All you have to do it let a child get away with something once and they'll think it's ok to walk all over you

Care to share? Well OP ,you sound very passive aggressive and to be honest you sound like a bully. I don't care but I feel sorry for a 2 yo

Ozil10 · 08/01/2019 21:45

I am not arguing with everyone that disagrees with me I actually started replying to people when they started saying I'm some sort of control freak because my daughter won't eat a meal I've given her.

We all know that's not what anyone is saying. They are saying you're a control freak because you have two extremes when it comes to her food intake and neither are very healthy and to be honest they're all about projecting your childhood onto her which is grossly unfair. Your Mum isn't a parenting guru, and bringing her up with such rigid control over her food intake will make her have an unhealthy attitude towards food. How are you going to feel in ten years when she says no to eating what you've made and goes to McDonalds with her friends instead?!
You are controlling her by not giving her the power of choice, not allowing someone to make her a sandwich, sending her to bed hungry because she doesn't want to eat a reheated roast dinner. Can you really not see how that could be considered to be controlling?

birdiewoof · 08/01/2019 21:45

This makes me feel really sad. 2 years old is just a baby still. My youngest is almost 2. He doesn’t refuse food to be awkward, I presume it’s because he doesn’t like it or doesn’t feel like it that day. I would give him toast and fruit or a yoghurt if he refused his tea.

planespotting · 08/01/2019 21:45

I think this is really concerning actually
All you have to do it let a child get away with something once and they'll think it's ok to walk all over you.
They are children, they don't "walk all over you"
Why do you have these believes? It is very strange and worrying

But the nursery that DD attends encourages children to eat all sandwiches first and followed by any raw fruit / veg then they leave what's left in their lunch box. Not once has DD come home with even a crumb in hers!

Well my nursery has done their research in self regulating and they have a snack table that the children can pick form when hungry, with a selection and not watching or encouraging.

I understand people may not agree with me and that's fine but I'm annoyed that people say that I control my daughter...
Hmm
Let's look at this again All you have to do it let a child get away with something once and they'll think it's ok to walk all over you

Care to share? Well OP ,you sound very passive aggressive and to be honest you sound like a bully. I don't care but I feel sorry for a 2 yo

DoJo · 08/01/2019 21:46

All you have to do it let a child get away with something once and they'll think it's ok to walk all over you. Or in my case, refusing any meal, cooked and prepared for her.

It's a bit sad that you think your daughter would behave like that simply because you once let her choose something other than the meal on offer. I let my kids choose what they have for dinner and they appreciate that and wouldn't want to 'walk all over me' even if that were an option. Why do you think your daughter would be so quick to do that on the basis of one meal? It sounds like you have quite a negaty view of her.

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 21:50

@DoJo you let your children choose their own dinner? How many children do you have? What if they all want something different?

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 08/01/2019 21:54

I let my dcs choose dinner - they just might not get their choice every time and they understand that. Eg one night it might be ds and the next dd....

In the same way that me and my husband might choose our preference.

CheshireChat · 08/01/2019 22:04

It comes across like you don't like your DD much and begrudge even making food for her in the first place.

You also seem determined to squash anything you perceive as defiance as 'making a rod' sort of attitude without realising that you're also squashing her personality in the process and that children have preferences and demands as well, it's up to us to manage them which occasionally means giving in!

Completely irrelevant, but I'm really jealous of the parents that can give a piece of fruit and yogurt as a boring alternative, my kid would choose to live on that even if it did mean going hungry.

ChristmasSnow · 08/01/2019 22:07

I dont care about your replies.

You said you would send your 2 year baby to bed hungry.
Disgusting

Walkingdeadfangirl · 08/01/2019 22:08

you let your children choose their own dinner? How many children do you have? What if they all want something different?

That is not the scenario in the OP. This is about a 2 year old, on one specific occasion and someone offering to get them something different.

Pumperthepumper · 08/01/2019 22:11

You said you would send your 2 year baby to bed hungry

And not only that, but is proud to do it, like she’s some kind of no-nonsense parenting guru. So proud that she’ll start a thread hoping for a bit of a pat on the back for being such a hard arse to a 2 year old.

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 22:12

@ChristmasSnow well then I'll tell you, if you actually looked at my replies you'll see that I said I would give her something like bread and butter. Calm down mum police.

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 08/01/2019 22:13

Mine would live on toast fruit and yogurt if I offered that as an alternative too!
I do offer food before bed but it is crudités and oat cakes. I certainly wouldn’t make a different meal.

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 22:14

@Pumperthepumper oh really? Because not everyone parents like you, you all of a sudden think what I've said is wrong? Who are you? Super nanny?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 08/01/2019 22:16

you all of a sudden think what I've said is wrong?

Yes, when you said ‘she’ll go to bed hungry I thought you were wrong. I don’t think many people on this thread thought that, or your insistence that you can’t back down even once*, is good parenting.

Pumperthepumper · 08/01/2019 22:17

Also want to remind you that you already admitted that the bread and butter wouldn’t fill her up, and you’re still happy that you’re doing the right thing by your two year old.

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 22:18

@Pumperthepumper if a child is hungry they will eat. So she would have obviously been going to bed fine as if she was hungry she would have eaten her dinner, no?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 08/01/2019 22:20

no?

No. There’s a million reasons they won’t eat their dinner at exactly the time you want them to - still full from lunch, just didn’t fancy it, doesn’t recognise it or just generally being a two year old. Absolutely no reasons whatsoever that I can see to send your two year old to bed hungry because she didn’t do exactly what you wanted at exactly the time you chose.