Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that a 50 year old man.

203 replies

onlinedating2019 · 08/01/2019 08:01

AIBU to think that a 50 year old man who sets his OLD profile to looking for a woman between 27-50 (amd specifies she must be slim) isn’t looking for a woman towards the top end of the age range?

*He is very attractive going by his profile picture.

OP posts:
IcedPurple · 08/01/2019 20:49

In fairness, the mere fact of being single doesn't mean someone is a loser, any more than the mere fact of being married makes someone a catch.

Take a look at the Relationships board. Lots of cheats/weirdos/abusers/saddos manage to persuade women to marry and have children with them.

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/01/2019 22:59

The bunting is out and flapping madly in the breeze for this one. 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩

MoaningSickness · 08/01/2019 23:07

When I was online dating I would discount anyone who didn't include ages older than themselves.

So many men will say 'well, i can't help it, I'm not attracted to/don't want old women', but guess what, I intend to be old one day!

Mummadeeze · 09/01/2019 17:40

The age range wouldn’t put me off. If I signed up to OLD I would put a wide age range because I am physically attracted to younger men but I would have more in common with someone more my age or a bit older. I would see it as being open minded and open to opportunities. The history of mental illness might put me off but I don’t have any experience of bi-polar so I don’t really know enough about it to make that judgment.

AntimonySalts · 09/01/2019 17:54

I like the sound of him. Which site is this on? I'm not exactly 27, but have only ever dated very much slightly older men...

dolliebauble · 09/01/2019 18:03

He's confident. He's not got low self esteem and doesn't feel fear of unattractiveness because of ageing, therefore it wouldn't even cross his mind that 27 is ridiculous. Whereas women have it shoved down their necks that ageing is unattractive and must be stopped with various creams and procedures because... youthfulness=validity/worthiness/attractiveness. They are judged on appearance and criticised and shamed relentlessly in the media so it's no bloody wonder a man of 50 isn't lacking in confidence to think a 27 year old would find him anything other than hot fucking stuff.

The obsession with face and body over mind is so boring. Probably why the people I know who have tried online dating are regularly let down or disappointed. Judegements are being made on image and I'd be willing to bet if you're female and 50 your confidence won't be that of a 50 year old man, even one hidden by a computer screen.

Mysterian · 09/01/2019 18:06

We're definitely not all ladies...

I wouldn't say all age gaps like this are gross, people are all different with different likes and values, but I might have a suspicion he could be the sort to knock a few years of his age. I also might wonder if I was 49 and stepped out with him whether he would be looked over my shoulder for a younger model.

I'd stay clear.

OccasionallyIncomplet · 09/01/2019 18:15

Half your age + 7 is the unwritten rule.

So at 50 minimum age should be 32....

However please remember that some cultures, dating either a generation above or below is very acceptable.

Dieu · 09/01/2019 18:24

Has anyone noticed that some older men set their desired age range from '18'? Definitely on POF anyway.

Every time I see that, I hope that it has been set that way automatically, and that they hadn't actually noticed when they put their upper age limit in.

BlimeyCalmDown · 09/01/2019 18:36

I wouldn't go there, I'd want to protect my 20'something daughter from a dirty old man! Some I've seen even say 18yrs up! eugh! I take great pleasure in telling them why I wouldn't want to date them!

ToftyAC · 09/01/2019 18:40

I always read the dating column in our local paper - some of them are really funny. But it’s quite common re the age thing I’m afraid

IcedPurple · 09/01/2019 18:40

However please remember that some cultures, dating either a generation above or below is very acceptable.

Provided, of course, that it's the man who is a generation older.

whatamidoingwithmylife · 09/01/2019 18:40

Personally if I see that on OLD profiles it puts me off. It makes me think they're really a bit of a perv and like to shag young girls if they can. I like to see a reasonable age range in there.

I'm not worried about 'competing' with younger women and neither should you be, OP.

whatamidoingwithmylife · 09/01/2019 18:43

Forgot to add to my prev post that a lot of men on OLD have it set for 18 (minimum age) which is gross if they're 50.
The guy you mention has his set low but not disgustingly so.

MissConductUS · 09/01/2019 19:11

I think after reading that he’d go as low as late-20s, he’d be used to those late 20s bodies and faces!

I think the chances that he's actually found any late 20's women to date are vanishingly small, so if you want to meet him I'd go ahead and ask him out.

The idea that there are legions of 27 year old women who want to date someone their dad's age is just a male fantasy.

Horses4 · 09/01/2019 19:14

Because he wants to appear respectful but wants to get with someone half his age. I set my search 2 years under, 10 years over but instantly ignore 50 year olds who put 25-35. It instantly shows he doesn’t see women as equals. This man may have wisened up to this.

thinkingaboutmyage · 09/01/2019 19:27

I think most men would prefer to date a late 20-something if they were honest Grin

IcedPurple · 09/01/2019 19:34

I think most men would prefer to date a late 20-something if they were honest

As a woman close to 50, I wouldn't mind dating a fit young man either.

But I'm not delusional enough to think they'd be interested in me.

dolliebauble · 09/01/2019 20:04

Because you are culturally programmed to think that way.

dolliebauble · 09/01/2019 20:05

He however isn't!

IcedPurple · 09/01/2019 20:10

Lol that's true!

Mind you, chances are he'll learn soon enough.

Esspee · 09/01/2019 20:33

Bet his photo is from years ago.

Sbarah · 09/01/2019 20:40

I’m finding a lot of the responses frustrating. Of course there are creepy men and women who OLD but I don’t think anything wrong with stating preference. If he says up to 50 then of course if you like the look of him you should reach out as a 50yo. When I did OLD I set my age range as only my age and above as I have never been interested in younger men. Fortunately for me my now boyfriend was looking for women younger than him so our parameters matched. Now very happy with a child together - his first, I’m the divorced single parent in the relationship even though he’s 17yrs older. And not rich or at all creepy. And, incidentally, a year older than my mum’s boyfriend who is 14yrs younger than her. And not creepy or ‘into’ older women, just happens to be in love and co-habiting with one. I am a feminist and do tire of the old Hollywood tropes of washed-up women and silver foxes but find the rush to judge really grim. But obviously it’s personal for me! Go for it OP, whole point of OLD is everything to gain and nothing to lose surely

em222 · 09/01/2019 20:52

Is this something that has been in the news or seen on a dating site?

Fabulousdahlink · 09/01/2019 20:54

It works both ways tbh. In my OLD days I did specify an age range 15 years to 5 yrs older than myself...I'm 49. I did get likes from much older and much younger men as well as the ones in my age range.
Perhaps there is a reason....mine was that I didnt want a child but a 'grown up' to date, but didnt want a man with very young children commitments ( I have teenagers) . Older than me was fine...but not so old that a healthy sex life wouldnt be a problem ! I met lots of people of all ages and had an absolute blast. I met a man my own age who has teenager like my own..and we are happy. If I were single and not looking for a serious relationship ( and lots of people aren't despite being on 'dating' sites) who does it hurt ? My advice is smile/like or swipe and get to know the person behind the age before passing judgement !