AIBU to think that a 50 year old man.

[onlinedating2019]

AIBU to think that a 50 year old man who sets his OLD profile to looking for a woman between 27-50 (amd specifies she must be slim) isn’t looking for a woman towards the top end of the age range?

*He is very attractive going by his profile picture.

It is also weird how many men say on their profile that they want an athletic woman between 27 and 45 and email me. I point out that I am 53 and fat.

@Fairylea fair point, it does mean I can spot the shallow ones easily.

Horrible comment from that man, but he reveals that at 50, he wants a transaction more than he wants love, a 'trade'. Money and fame and prestige (? ) for youth. He also shows denial about this! in the way he still uses the word love.

I agree that we all age and people have to get to know you a BIT before you're attractive to them when you're in your fifties.

If any young woman decides to get together with him now then she is too stupid to ''love''. But then, love was never what he was looking for.

@Kewcumber I'm not sure how true that really is. On the dating thread over on Relationships, many of the women have said they lie about their age when doing online dating and I have to say, when I was online dating I looked at profiles of women who were five or six years younger and five or six years older (my previous partner of 10 years was 11 years older than I) and seriously, the majority of those who claimed to be five or six years younger than I am looked a good ten years older than I do (and most people think I'm 37 or 38), let alone how old I actually am (I'm 44).

Exactly Peony How many 27 YO women are looking to date men that are closer in age to their fathers than themselves?

Unless perhaps they are looking for a sugar Daddy? I listen to the You and Yours podcast, which usually covers things like mis sold mobile phone contracts but the one I listened to just this morning as it happens covered a 'dating' website that was there to link up rich men with women who wanted to be 'spoiled, showered with presents, taken for expensive meals and cocktails, and even given an allowance'.

They interviewed several women who were almost all in their early 20s looking for men usually about 20 years older than them, with lots of money. Weird.

I agree, I did OLD and if there were very ordinary men of about 50 whose age limits were set to 25 - 45 it does give you a headsup. I messaged one man, still older than me, who gave out about the number of bots and scammers. Idiot felt 'betrayed' that there wasn't a supply of younger women who GENUINELY wanted him?? He was angry about their lack of authenticity. Somebody wanted him to pay for her mother in Latvia's operation or something. Denial. A man who is living above the veil of consciousness knows that ageing applies to him too.

I think it's great if people are honest about what they are looking for. Men who only want toy girls should state that to make things clear. But in this case, the suspicion is that he actually does not want to date a 49-year-old, if he starts his range at 27 - and that he is only thinking about physical characteristics, if he ends it at 50. That assumption could be wrong. Perhaps he's really open to anyone. In which case he's accidentally cutting back his options, as younger and older women alike will probably be put off by that particular range.

Plenty of 50-year-olds looking for anyone 18+ tbh!

My Grandma is 73 (doesn’t look it) and says she doesn’t date men her age because they look like they’ve been dug up and want too much mothering/ looking after

She sounds exactly the same as my MIL! Divorced at 52, she looked for a new man right up until in her 70s, but said men her age had all gone to seed, had hairy ears and nostrils and expected to be looked after by their wives which she was unwilling to do. She did get lots of interest from men - a few younger ones, too - but no one was ever good enough.

ps, yes, of course, lying on line about age. I started out telling the truth but men my own age and older were 1) lying about their age and 2) setting their parametres to exclude women who were still actually younger than them. So I lied in response to the environment rather than any desire to lie.

I am not doing OLD anymore. I gave up and stopped caring and then met somebody (younger) at work.

@PerfectPeony Tue 08-Jan-19 08:55:04
My Grandma is 73 (doesn’t look it) and says she doesn’t date men her age because they look like they’ve been dug up and want too much mothering/ looking after.

I love your Grandma - I'm sure you mentioned her before on here somewhere. "Dug up". Lol.

I can't comment on internet dating now or OLD as I'm happily partnered off these days, but I had spells of internet dating back in my 20s, then mid 30s. My personal experience was that women seemed much more open to dating someone older in general than men and were less judgemental (yes, this is a generalisation of course).

The "Logan's Run" style approach to dating I first noticed in my 20s where a lot of guys listed 29 as a cut off point when they themselves were 35 or 40 years old. I just used that information as a kind of "filter for arseholes" as personally I wouldn't be interested in anyone who has such a clear cut-off point after which they consider women too old. It doesn't bode well for the future does it if you're looking for a life partner, because what happens when you get to that age? (I imagine they just trade you in for a younger model). There were plenty of men who didn't have restricted age ranges on their profiles so I would just go for them instead.

These days I think it's an ugly truth that some men just don't find older women like me attractive. It's not nice to think about your worth being judged in that way, but there are SO many people who don't think like that. I put it on a par with the kind of bloke who only likes blondes with big boobs or women who only want to date someone 6ft or over. It's a preference and they're welcome to it (keeps them off the market for the rest of us).

I don't know, I'm mid forties and when dating I probably went out with several guys specifying that sort of age gap. I had perfectly good times with them, I think things like being good company mattered more to them than desperately seeking a 'dolly bird'.

At least his range goes up to his own age. I've seen a few where the cut off is 35 or thereabouts.

Dating does get bloody specific. You have to give an age range so there probably will be a cut off. It's usually somewhat arbitrary as opposed to black and white.

Also, I think a lot of 50 year old men are secretly raging that 50 year old women can do what they can't. ie, 'get sex' with a somebody much younger. Seriously, next time you get in to an argument with a sexist tosser who says women are past it after forty say ok, in to the starting blocks, last one to get a date with an attractive zipless fuck (as erica jong would say) is the loser? Little wager to make it fun?

I agree plenty of younger men would love a fling with an older woman and that it's probably easier for a woman to hook a younger lover than a man, unless he is loaded

Sounds like he’s just willing to date anyone, he’s probably only after sex and doesn’t care where he gets it from?

I do OLD and often get messages from men much older than me but also men a lot younger. I think most of them are just after what ever is on offer. I don’t think it means he won’t date a 50 year old because chances are no 20 year old is going to want to date him anyway.

He's chancing it....I doubt many 27 year old women will want to date him unless he's stinking rich

Thanks for your views all. I’m going to avoid him

I agree plenty of younger men would love a fling with an older woman and that it's probably easier for a woman to hook a younger lover than a man, unless he is loaded.

The young men propositioning older women for sex online tend to be losers who can't get women their own age.

Also, a lot of these young men are misogynist porn addicts.

Financially solvent men in reasonable shape generally have the upper hand when seeking relationships from age 35.

A male friend of mine did OLD and he was wrecked by how horrid the women - of any age - were to him. He wasn't looking for a "dolly bird", just a partner. I don't think women can claim any kind of moral superiority in the OLD game.

What about the French author who suggests it's impossible to love a woman older than 50? On BBC website ATM... I was [shocked] but not really surprised.

What about him really? Having seen his picture - I'd never heard of him before - he'd also be pretty 'invisible' to me if I passed him on the street, and I'm nearly 50. I guess he'd be invisisble to most women too if he weren't supposedly a famous author.

And obviously he's right in the sense that generally speaking, young women are more physically attractive then older women. Thing is, same is also true for men, though some of them seem to think ageing is this bizarre thing which only happens to women.

i don't date fatties either

So what if your man suddenly out weight on for whatever reason and became a "fattie" ( nice choice of word- not ) ?

Would you throw him out?
Shallow or what.

It's fine to have a type of course but there was something mean about your tone.
I'm fat and am never ever short of male attention so being thin is not superior.

I agree that a lot of men are hugely unrealistic, and seem to think that attractive young women will be desperate for a date with a divorced accountant in his 50s, and won't even consider a woma within 10 years of their age. But I guess, let them be choosy. They're likely only setting themselves up for disappointment. After all, I could say I will only date men who look like Jason Momoa or Idris Elba. Doesn't mean I'm going to get them.

If I ever set up an OLD site as a business, I'd make it non-ageist.

I'd not allow people to state their age. (As is now the case with CVs, job applications etc.)

In real life, when people meet, you often don't know exactly how old someone is until you've had a couple of dates.

I think online, people could give their life experiences and hence give something away about their age. So if you state you have children in their 20s or older, a man (or woman) is going to have a rough idea of how old you are.

I have not done OLD though one of my siblings has, as have friends and even my own children!

I feel very strongly that I'd not want to put my real age; without boasting, people think I am 10-15 years younger than I am ( these are people like neighbours who have no vested romantic interest- it's just something that has come up in conversation.)

My mum looks 10 years younger than she is, and gets the same comments, and my DD gets ID'd still.

I'd be looking for someone up to 10 years younger or up to a couple of years older max.

But I'd rather not see their age online. I'd want to see a genuine photo and see their life experience and interests. Not a number.

@Zoflorabore actually yes I would stop finding someone attractive who put on weight. I just don't find fat sex a turn on, some people do and that's fine but I was perfectly entitled with OLD to look for a skinny older man. Just happens to be my type. And that's who I date. I'm not saying I'm superior and I'm aware that the very skinny type I go for most people find far too thin. There is another thread on here where the OP had put on weight and her DP said he no longer found her attractive. Perfectly reasonable.
The main thing is with OLD you can look for whatever you want and other people have every right to reject you on that basis too.

So what if your man suddenly out [put] weight on for whatever reason

There is only ever one reason.Food. Too much of it.

(Discounting illness and drugs for it.)

I think it's perfectly acceptable to prefer your partner to be slim, or fat. Don't go having a go at people for saying they prefer slim people. It's healthier for a start.