Issue with school mum and cleaner

[hopefullyhelpfully]

I've been struggling to find a good cleaner for a while now, so a school mum friend (occasional drinks and coffees, children in same friendship group, same team in PTA quiz etc) gave me contact details for her cleaner and said I could see if she had any availability. She did, and she's been cleaning for 4 months now and is amazing! She works the time she's paid for, notices and does little extras, irons and is generally marvellous.
At Christmas she had the week off but I paid her (have always paid holiday pay to cleaners) and have her some chocolate- and a small outfit for daughter's new baby- nothing extravagant.
She recently announced that she'd be reducing her cleaning hours as she's going to be looking after her daughter's baby when her daughter goes back to work. She's given notice to school mum friend and not to me, and friend is furious. Friend called me and said that as she'd recommended the cleaner, and she'd been working for her a lot longer then I needed to tell her that we didn't need her any more! Apparently I must have found out about her planned reduction in hours which is why I paid holiday pay and gave presents etc, and I have essentially been sneaky. Tbh I genuinely didn't know as I'm not often there when she comes and I thought everyone paid extra at Christmas and holidays! It's also worth pointing out that my children are older, we're all out of the house when she cleans, we're generally tidy and I'm not especially demanding, none of which is the case for my friend.
Now I was perfectly prepared to ignore her- lovely cleaner has agency over her own life and this is all a bit mad. However she's been telling all our mutual friends that I've "stolen" the cleaner by paying her more (we pay the same) and that losing her is exacerbating her stress and PND (youngest is 5 and she's never mentioned PND in the 11 years I've known her.) There's a lot of other stuff but it boils down to, "heartless full time working parent bribes critical help and support away from vulnerable friend to facilitate her career." I'm the only working mum out of the group so she's got a lot of time to develop the narrative and I'm not there to counter it.

Now to the AIBU- this is impacting DS as he's close friends with her son and the children of her friends. He's not being invited to Friday play dates as we all usually have a glass of wine when picking up and apparently, "it'll be uncomfortable."
I can't have DS impacted, so I'm planning on doing as she asks, firing cleaner and trying to salvage this. However DH says it's unreasonable and unfair to the cleaner. Who's unreasonable?

Lovely update and well done on Lego club...that’ll be great!

All a bit Big Little Lies isn’t it 😄

Well done on the update. CF'ery doesn't usually appear out of nowhere, stands to reason others had felt the icy grip of want. Thank goodness cheeky dad had an axe to grind.

A neighbour told me her childhood friend's 20 year marriage had broken down. The DH's were not besties but the couples had socialised and holidayed together. The wife told my neighbour she was worried that her DH was keeping it all in. Neighbour asked her DH take him out off a drink so he could talk about it. Long session, good 5 or so hours apparently both men balddered. Neighbour's DH announced, nothing to worry about he's alright. 'What did he say?'. Neighbour asked. 'Nothing, he didn't mention it, we talked about football he's fine'

@KC225 my dh is exactly like that. Spends a whole day with someone, comes home, I ask 'how was so and so?'
'Dunno, talked footy.'
'What do you mean? You must know how he is?'
'Nah not really.'

I'm the only working mum out of the group so she's got a lot of time to develop the narrative and do her own bloody cleaning.

(Sorry if that's already been said)

I quite the idea of a shy spouse dating agency

Oh no, now I'm reminded of the "frightened vagina" thread and I'm going to get the giggles again. Ooh and isn't there such a thing as a "shy bladder".

That's it. Unless I get this under control by the end of lunch, I'm so fired.

I'm the only working mum out of the group so she's got a lot of time to develop the narrative

and thats precisely what she did.

So now all the wives will have heard the other side of the story, todays school gates will be fun, will you be there?

Brilliant update!

Good cleaners are hard to find, don’t ditch her

I’m laughing a bit at the whole thing, a cleaner who will let someone leave a baby while she cleans, no wonder the woman’s livid she’ll never find anyone else to accept something so passively - unless she pays up for extra duties

Thanks for the update, you've been on my mind all week!

Fab update, your dh is a star!

Fantastic update! sounds like it couldn't have gone any better. Well done to your DH and the husbands. Hopefully what 'really' happened will trickle back out and the 'mad one' will lose her strange power over the mums.

It's often the case that mad, spiteful cunts like this one have been scaring, annoying and upsetting most of the social scene for a while, but everyone has been thinking either: it's too silly to do anything or say anything about or: if I stand up to this person then there will be trouble for my DC and I would prefer just to keep the peace. And then sooner or later someone either has enough self-respect to simply refuse to be bullied by the spiteful cunt, or the spiteful cunt oversteps the mark a bit too much... (anyone remember the Softzilla saga?)

Absolutely if someone behaves outrageously it’s unlikely to be a one off and they almost certainly will have pissed off other decent people but most are too polite/ scared to say anything.

Love the update!

I wonder from time to time how the OP is from the Softzilla thread. I know she can't update due to legal proceedings.

I wonder from time to time how the OP is from the Softzilla thread. I know she can't update due to legal proceedings.

Legal proceedings?? last I remember they were awkwardly avoiding each other.

It escalated billybagpuss, shortly after the car park stalking at Asda I believe. There were many threads, you might have missed the last one. The last post was about not being able to update anymore and about taking it further because it did become scary.

If i were the cleaner i would have ditched your friends hours too because she sounds awful! I always pay my cleaner over xmas! She has clearly decided to reduce her hours and is keeping the easier job, you!

Talk to your (ahem) friend and tell her its out of order that she is spreading this stuff around your circle. That her brat behaviour is affecting the kids and she needs to stop! Talk to your other group members and set them straight! if it continues, take your OP and pop it in a group email/Whatsapp and name and shame her!

Then get some new friends! Your DS is a child, children make friends at the drop of a hat! But whatever you do...keep your cleaner! Good ones are hard to find and I bet she thinks good houses are hard to find too!

And be glad that you have seen her true colours! Clearly not a good friend or employer!

That woman is WRONG, you should stay away from her!!!

You will learn that whenever there is a completely unreasonable and difficult parent at school, you will not be the only one thinking that. Whenever the social dynamic comes to an end -you move to senior school or your class gets switched up, you will start to hear others muttering about them. People just stay quiet at the time for a peaceful life but make no mistake, a nightmare parent is dishing it out everywhere. Not just to you.

Good news op! Cheers .