Issue with school mum and cleaner

[hopefullyhelpfully]

I've been struggling to find a good cleaner for a while now, so a school mum friend (occasional drinks and coffees, children in same friendship group, same team in PTA quiz etc) gave me contact details for her cleaner and said I could see if she had any availability. She did, and she's been cleaning for 4 months now and is amazing! She works the time she's paid for, notices and does little extras, irons and is generally marvellous.
At Christmas she had the week off but I paid her (have always paid holiday pay to cleaners) and have her some chocolate- and a small outfit for daughter's new baby- nothing extravagant.
She recently announced that she'd be reducing her cleaning hours as she's going to be looking after her daughter's baby when her daughter goes back to work. She's given notice to school mum friend and not to me, and friend is furious. Friend called me and said that as she'd recommended the cleaner, and she'd been working for her a lot longer then I needed to tell her that we didn't need her any more! Apparently I must have found out about her planned reduction in hours which is why I paid holiday pay and gave presents etc, and I have essentially been sneaky. Tbh I genuinely didn't know as I'm not often there when she comes and I thought everyone paid extra at Christmas and holidays! It's also worth pointing out that my children are older, we're all out of the house when she cleans, we're generally tidy and I'm not especially demanding, none of which is the case for my friend.
Now I was perfectly prepared to ignore her- lovely cleaner has agency over her own life and this is all a bit mad. However she's been telling all our mutual friends that I've "stolen" the cleaner by paying her more (we pay the same) and that losing her is exacerbating her stress and PND (youngest is 5 and she's never mentioned PND in the 11 years I've known her.) There's a lot of other stuff but it boils down to, "heartless full time working parent bribes critical help and support away from vulnerable friend to facilitate her career." I'm the only working mum out of the group so she's got a lot of time to develop the narrative and I'm not there to counter it.

Now to the AIBU- this is impacting DS as he's close friends with her son and the children of her friends. He's not being invited to Friday play dates as we all usually have a glass of wine when picking up and apparently, "it'll be uncomfortable."
I can't have DS impacted, so I'm planning on doing as she asks, firing cleaner and trying to salvage this. However DH says it's unreasonable and unfair to the cleaner. Who's unreasonable?

Your friend seems highly neurotic tbh but this can all be solved by inviting everyone involved over for a frank discussion as it seems like a misunderstanding that has snowballed.

Do not sack your cleaner - it's so hard to find a good one you trust!
Cleaner will make her own judgement on which clients she wants to keep and lose. If other parent takes the piss out of her then she probably would reasonably lose that client.
Hard for your DS but try and explain to keep business and pleasure separate.

Keep your marvellous cleaner. School mum sounds like a pain in the ...

Tell the other mum to right royally piss off! She sounds unhinged and people will think the same if she keeps repeating her little story.

She's bonkers! Fire the friend and keep the cleaner, she sounds a treasure.

The cleaner doesn't want to work for this pain in the ass. You don't do anything.

So she no longer wants to clean for a client whose house is disorganised and who expects her to perform dual-purpose as a babysitter at the same time? As opposed to keeping on a client who pays well, and whose house is reliably organised which facilitates effective cleaning?

I used to work as a cleaner. I know which client I'd sack - YANBU!

As a former cleaner, I'd say speak to her and tell her what has happened... and find some new friends for your child.

Good decision. If she bullied the cleaner as she's tried to bully you it's no wonder the cleaner chose to ditch her, not you.

What a horrible situation you have been put in, print out all these answers and show your friends and your friend, I would never let someone ruin your other friendships when it is not your fault and the cleaner would have left her anyway no doubt.

I’d see the controversial comment as being midweek drinking in dry January, and the bringing more people fine. He can’t ignore the text, just reply with “the more dads the better” so no one brings crazy ex friend as it’s shown to be dads only

Your friend sounds like that bitchy mum of that BBC series motherland !

Can your son join some activities to meet other children with similar interests and expand his social circle that way? Scouts or sports or something?

Tell your 'friend' to go forth and multiply in no uncertain terms

How manipulative of this woman to try to get her way by bullying everyone.
Its up to you what you decide to do but even if you do what she wants she sounds like she might exclude your ds from the group anyway.
Why not try to have a face to face chat with her. Basically tell her that you know that she's angry with you & believes you 'stole' the cleaner from her. But the cleaner has made their own decision and you haven't done anything different than you would with any other cleaner ref: Christmas etc.

Talk to the cleaner and see if you can find some compromise? Maybe she could cut down her hours for both of you so everyone stays happy?

Hope your DH gets on ok! You’re doing the right thing.

Similar happened to me. Colleague was looking for a cleaner and I passed on my cleaner's contact number. Fast forward 6 months, cleaner decided to reduce her hours and dropped me but not my friend. Yes it was annoying but I didn't hold it against my colleague! There was a genuine reason why she dropped me - she cycles every where and my friend lives much more central. I suspect your cleaner would have dropped your friend no matter what for whatever reason. It's definitely not your fault, your friend is being a dick and you shouldn't give in to her bullying behaviour.

Good decision!

What, does this friend of yours think her cleaner is her property? Like she has to work for whoever owned her first? I can't believe how disrespectful this friend of yours is suggesting you should be to an independent human being who has made a work choice she is perfectly within her rights to make. It is not for either you or your friend to decide who this excellent person works for. I think you should tell your other friends that and see if they still think you are the one who should be excluded from the group. And I can't BELIEVE they would leave your son out of playdates because of it. Heartless. New Year's resolution for you: make new friends.

I hate all this ‘being besties with the mums’ so their kids like my kid crap. Give it time, and your ds will make his own friends, in his OWN way.

ALL parents should encourage their children to include, and be kind to ALL their class mates. It shouldn’t be a matter of whose parents go for a beer together, or whose parents have what fucking cleaner. What a load of bollocks.

Op do you care about the other children in the class who are on the outside of this little friendship circle you and these mums have concocted? Or is it only your child you are concerned about?

You talk about you being on the periphery of this group, so you obviously feel on the outside yourself...why are you pushing your son into this group?

It’s all so false, and no real friendships will come form this. It all sounds very desperate. Relax, what will be will be. Let kids be kids, and they will find their own friends.

Fortunately because I work FT I don’t get embroiled in school gate politics or PTA
all their antics and histrionics,So petty how PTA and Queen Bee mums behave
I’d advise against overly micromanaging friendships

I don't think she is much of a friend. Keep your cleaner on, good/honest/reliable ones are very hard to come by..... If anyone asks you about it, just say its your cleaner's business and totally up to her who she wants to work for, so out of your hands and you have no intention of telling her how to run her business...

I hope it all works out fir your son

Does the cleaner know about the situation with "friend". Why not ask her to explain that it is nothing to do with holiday pay,gift but it is more likely the lighter load, less responsibility eg unofficial childminding and perhaps even the scheduling of work and caring for her GC. Other than that, carry on as usual, the kids will sort themselves likely to ask questions of why your DS isn't invited etc. You can't be held responsible for the cleaner's decisions.