To ask if you tell your children how much money you have?

[JennyFisher12]

WWYD not AIBU

Just interested as when I was growing up my parents would never tell me how much money they had. They told me to mind my own business!

Now my teenage son is asking us if ‘we have any money?’ as in if we have savings - I don’t think I really want to tell him but not sure why!

Do your children (if teenagers or older) know your rough finances or do you think it’s none of their business?

I had a similar chat with DH a few weeks back, as we’re saving each month for DS so we can give him a sum of money when he’s older to give him a leg up.

He asked if we should let DS know we have money put away for him before we give it to him, and my view was a stern no.
DH always knew he had a large sum of money coming his way when he turned 18, and I believe that is one of the reasons he’s so terrible with money, he knew that he would eventually be bailed out.
His parents still ‘helped him out’ until not that long ago in actual fact and I wasn’t happy when I found out.
My parents were living pay check to pay check when I was younger, so I saved and stayed away from debt like the plague to avoid their mistakes (lots of credit cards, loans and spending on silly things.)

It was agreed we’d gauge it on how sensible DS was as to when we’d give him the money, but that we wouldn’t discuss it beforehand.

We also agreed we’d talk about normal budgeting to help him have a healthy attitude towards saving for the future, but anything such as how much money we have in the bank would stay private.
We wouldn’t want him to feel that if he makes a mistake we’d make it go away, not that we currently have that much!

DS does not know the exact amounts we have he does know we have paid off our mortgage and that we are comfortable. I worry that he would just expect assistance and I don’t want to make him lazy or entitled.

He knows how to budget and had a paper round and worked in a kitchen from age 13 to 16. He had to stop working due to pressure of A levels as he has to commute to college whereas school, was round the corner and also being in air cadets which was taking a lot of time.

We have talked about our investments, not the amounts but what we do. He went off and opened his own savings account at 16 having taken some time studying what would give him any kind of return.

He is informed about money, I wanted him to work as a life lesson. He didnt need to work but he enjoyed it. I had to work as a schoolchild, I was buying the majority of my own clothes from age 14 and extra food, my Mother was widowed by then and really quite mad. This is a long time ago and no agencies got involved to say my upbringing was tough is an understatement, DH is from a very privileged background.

Only to reassure DS if we give him a chunk of money that we can afford it

I think it is the child’s business if they are in the family and live in the family home. I think children need to understand money and appreciate saving / living within your means and how are they expected to do any of this if they are excluded from financial discussions completely and even told it’s none of their business?

I don't understand this at all, it seems terribly heavy to me for a child. They're meant to manage their pocket money, isn't that about all?

We don't talk about savings but we do talk about how much we earn and how much things cost. We talk about expensive months ie Christmas, birthdays etc affect us. They still have unrealistic feelings about money so think if we say we have say £800 left to live off it seems massive amounts but can't understand when I say we can't afford a trip out it to eat at the pub.

I want them to learn the value of money and to understand how much life costs so they know how much our mortgage is and about insurance and utilities etc.

My kids are 9 and 11.

I don’t really understand those who are so open with their children about their earnings as:

1. If they’re primary age (or possibly older), it will quite possibly mean that everyone will end up knowing, and I don’t want that

2. I really don’t see the point... It only engenders feelings unhealthy emotions... envy, pity, superiority etc depending on the circumstances of the other

3. I wouldn’t want them feeling they had to reciprocate when they started earning.

My teenage sons know what we have in the bank. How else are they to know the value of money?

A non-sequitur if ever there was one!

@ oakenbeach

One of the reasons I told DS1 what I earn recently is that I do occasional outreach work in schools and some teenagers are unbelievably clueless about what a realistic salary is and the sort of qualifications needed to achieve it.

Eg. I was telling a Y10 class that the average salary for a particular job in London was £36k. One boy stuck his hand up and asked in all seriousness “is that per month?” So many of them hear what footballers/you tubers earn and don’t understand what normal salaries are like.

It helps them with career choices and priorities if they know what different jobs earn and what sort of lifestyle that will secure.

Also it would be easy to google my job and get a good idea of what I earn so I wasn’t too worried about confidentiality. I wouldn’t tell him DH’s though as it would sound boastful if he told anyone.

I shared with my children so that they understood our priorities.
My wage was published, dh was staff at the local smelter, the village had a clear staff and hourly divide which played out a couple times a year as well as during contract negotiations.
As adults our two sons and our son in law regularly discuss their finances with us. Our eldest is executer of our will has every detail at his fingertips.
To me it’s just an everyday topic similar to bread and toilet paper.

Yes.

They both know my incomings and outgoings. They help to decide what we buy next at times too. They know what I earn and roughly what savings I have.

I'm not sure why they wouldn't know.

DC know we have enough for bills and food with enough left over for nice things like days out, shopping trips, and holidays. That's all they need to know.

If I've gone out without my purse or my cards and they're wanting something then I'll specifically tell them "you can't have that, I've only got XX pounds on me."

It seems to me that the poor are happy to share so that kids understand that they can't have everything, but the rich don't want to share because they don't want everyone else knowing their business and don't want DCs to become entitled.

I am niether rich nor poor. I would happily discuss my finances with anyone. I don't understand the need for secrecy. Maybe there might be more compassion in the world if these things were more open.

I don't think that summary is correct, I guess we would be considered fairly affluent, and we share, I also know a business man who is exceptionally wealthy, as in multi multi millionaire and his daughter has also always known, so no I don't think it's the case poor people tell and the rick don't.

Not accurate for us; were top 5%, now retired but still top 10%.

Depends what he wants to know and why. Like a pp you can just explain that we need to make choices.

Interesting question

Not salary no, but my twat Ex did tell my children after we split up. Only because he earnt less and it was a way for him to label me to them as rich. Yeah, right.

Budget yes, don't have a problem with that.

No.

They don't even know how much money they have in the bank ( money we have put away for them so mr tax man can't get at it ) 😂

How rich you are can be a matter of debate- their Dad goes on holiday 3 times a year but has debt. I have no debt (other than mortgage) but earn much less.

No I would never tell my children if they asked

What does so Mr Tax Man can't get at it mean?

@Bluelady junior isas 😂

They don't know they have them

No I would never tell my children if they asked

Ever? Why? Won't they be the beneficiaries of your will, and need to know the situation, would they not be the ones who would need to sort out any care requirements? Make any decisions for you if you became incapacitated?

I have a vague idea but I'd never ask as it's a) none of my business and b) I've never assumed I'm going to see any of it!