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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you tell your children how much money you have?

164 replies

JennyFisher12 · 06/01/2019 20:43

WWYD not AIBU

Just interested as when I was growing up my parents would never tell me how much money they had. They told me to mind my own business!

Now my teenage son is asking us if ‘we have any money?’ as in if we have savings - I don’t think I really want to tell him but not sure why!

Do your children (if teenagers or older) know your rough finances or do you think it’s none of their business?

OP posts:
CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 06/01/2019 23:40

No and I don't think it's necessary for them to know their parents salaries or how much we have in savings in order for them to understand budgeting, saving, tax, pensions etc.

Ours know that we earn enough to meet all our needs, reasonable wants and that we save money for the future (theirs and ours). They're only 9 and 7 but we're teaching them about saving, comparing prices, value for money etc with their pocket money and Christmas/birthday money. I don't think they need to start thinking in thousands or hundreds of thousands just yet and when they do surely picking a round figure or the average wage is the way to go? After all, they're not going to be budgeting based on my salary.

HomeEdRocks18 · 07/01/2019 02:14

My teenage sons know what we have in the bank. How else are they to know the value of money?
They see their Dad set off for work at 7.30am and get home at 6.30pm. They know his hourly wage rate. They see how hard he works to provide for the family.

knittedjest · 07/01/2019 02:17

I don't even know how much money we have so I couldn't tell them even if they did ask.

sylviavana · 07/01/2019 02:36

They know how much the house is worth roughly because we put it on the market a few years ago before changing our minds and deciding not to sell, and they saw the advert in the local paper.

And they know how much Dh and I earn.

Not sure if I’ve ever discussed how much we have in savings though.

Jessicana · 07/01/2019 02:42

Yes. We’ve always kept our dds in the loop on financial matters. They know how much Dh and I earn, they know how much our house is worth, and they know about all the bank accounts/ISAs we have and how much money is currently in them.

The way I see it, if dh and I were to both die in a car accident or something, I’d want my dds to know how much money they had, where it was kept, and what the different types of bank account meant.

I wouldn’t want it to all come as a complete shock to them.

steadtler · 07/01/2019 03:10

We don't. There's no need.

We're pretty comfortable (independent schools, ski and sun holidays every year etc) and our children understand our luck and security but they also understand opportunity cost.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 07/01/2019 03:46

DD is only 5 and I would never give her specific numbers and details, but if we can't afford something I'm straight with her about that being the reason.

I want her to grow up knowing that it's okay to not be able to afford everything. That as long as your bills are covered and home is okay, then you're doing something right!

Life isn't all about ipads and holidays and I know so many people who are deep in debt trying to do all these things.

Shameful2019 · 07/01/2019 05:02

My kids are small but we talk about money for e.g. you have x amount pocket money you can only afford x, y or z. Etc and when they are older yes they will be allowed to know salaries, savings etc. We rent don't have a mortgage so never really have my savings but they need to learn about money. I had friends who left home thinking a few hundred quid was a lot of money and then couldn't understand why they couldn't do anything! You need to teach your kids the realities of money, finances and the economy because no one else is going to do it!

SoyDora · 07/01/2019 05:48

Our savings amount is fluid anyway. It increases month on month, then we buy something like a new car or a bathroom and it goes down! I dont think I’ll ever be giving them monthly updates on how much we have in savings.

Wallywobbles · 07/01/2019 05:56

I have one that is very financially aware so I've discussed much more with her. Why we've done various things. I've also discussed what taxes they'll have to pay when we die. Inheritance tax allowances etc. I've also said that they shouldn't expect anything because I'd rather pay for our care in later years and leave them nothing than expect them to take care of us.

They all had a lecture on tax bands the other day. We live in France and people do seem to talk about this. And neither DH nor I can bare all the nonsense they hear and then repeat. Much of it gleaned from TV but also other adults in the family.

Wallywobbles · 07/01/2019 05:57

We also regularly talk about how much it costs to run a household versus salaries.

Frenchfancy · 07/01/2019 06:12

How are kids supposed to learn about money, about budgeting for a household, about what being rich or poor actually means if we don't teach them.

I agree that younger kids don't need to know details but older teens certainly do.

speakout · 07/01/2019 06:22

No, because they would think we are far richer than we actually are and assume we can afford brand new cars and fancy holidays.

They don't underatsnd how much outgoing it takes to run a home, why contingency savings are there for " sensible" reasons, like major house repairs, losss of job, support for them at Universit eyc,

They don't know our earnings either.

speakout · 07/01/2019 06:27

I agree that younger kids don't need to know details but older teens certainly do.*

But they may challenge our decisions.

I save, I hate frittering money away- they have the carefree attitude of youth.

They may think buying everyone a Starbuck coffee everyday is a good use of funds- I don't.
They would see my bank balance and thiink I can afford a starbuck coffee everyday and wonder why I don't.

Well I just don''t- my allocation of funds is not dependant on their approval.

PersonaNonGarter · 07/01/2019 06:29

DC know that we are not rich but they know we are ‘lucky’ to be able to go on holiday or have meals out.

Wealth is always comparative and I think it is useful to emphasise that life isn’t always fair and that you needs to plan and save for the stuff you want.

barbiegrl · 07/01/2019 06:44

My two are 13 and 15. I have never sat down with theme and gone into the ins and outs of our budget,but they know that we do have a budget. They know that things get tight at the end of the month,and that they might have to wait until payday to get something. Having said that,they never worry about bringing home school trip requests or stuff like that.

flameycakes · 07/01/2019 06:50

My kids don't even know what's in my hand bag never mind my bank account x

Insideno9 · 07/01/2019 07:02

My kids don't know what I have in my bank (£15 At the moment) but they know that we can't afford much and as one of them once said we are poor. I did once tell my oldest what I earnt and hour just to make a point about how long you would have to work to be able to afford something. She just moaned that I should get a better job.

exLtEveDallas · 07/01/2019 07:09

My 13 year old knows - she asked so I told her in general terms.

Dad brings home A, I bring home B, our pensions are C. Bills are D. She also knows we have money put aside for her Uni.

I think it helps her to learn how to budget and gives her an insight into what sort of job/career she might want to look at.

Cookit · 07/01/2019 07:19

Really surprised by a lot of these responses!

I think it is the child’s business if they are in the family and live in the family home. I think children need to understand money and appreciate saving / living within your means and how are they expected to do any of this if they are excluded from financial discussions completely and even told it’s none of their business?

sleepwhenidie · 07/01/2019 07:24

knittedjest why don’t you know how much money you have Confused?

Bouchie · 07/01/2019 07:31

I agree cookit. I often speak to my DC about money. They know we are lucky in that we have enough to go on a holiday and go camping quite a bit but that some months (hello January) we can just cover bills and do not have enough for school dinners so they can have packed lunches.

Insideno9 · 07/01/2019 07:43

I wouldn't want my children to worry though as I have no savings and we are just about managing at the moment.

knittedjest · 07/01/2019 07:56

sleep

I've never needed to know. I have my own salary, savings and investments to worry about and Dh puts a set amount in an account for me to play around with each month but besides that I have no idea. Dh pays for everything else. I prefer it that way.

AlaskanOilBaron · 07/01/2019 09:00

My kids ask periodically. I always tell them to mind their own beeswax.