To ask if you tell your children how much money you have?

[JennyFisher12]

WWYD not AIBU

Just interested as when I was growing up my parents would never tell me how much money they had. They told me to mind my own business!

Now my teenage son is asking us if ‘we have any money?’ as in if we have savings - I don’t think I really want to tell him but not sure why!

Do your children (if teenagers or older) know your rough finances or do you think it’s none of their business?

Where do you think they will learn if not from you?

“Amazed no one picked up on the poster whose wealth is listed in paper every year 😂😂.”

Definitely picked up on that, was being too polite to nose!

the problem is at a young age if you earn a £1000 a month they think it is loads as the lego only costs £50 though technically they can do the maths that we need X for mortgage y for food Z for electric
Children should not be over burdened with money stuff, should they be told be can't afford the lego McDonalds etc absolutely, should they be told that we don't know if we can pay the electric bill this month NO it would worry them unnecessarily, should they be encouraged to save and see us saving for things we can't afford today of course

On another thread this week an OP was advised by counsellor that over sharing financial worries to teenage son was really not on

but I would never tell DD age 9 what I earned or how much savings we have, she is too young to understand pensions and that both of us are self employed and can't spend money reserved for Tax, she understands money doesn't grow on trees and we can't eat out every day and treats come last after food electric petrol clothes housing etc in the spending hierarchy

Ours have a pretty good idea but wouldn’t have known during most of their childhood. They see our accounts and tax returns if they are home and they come in the post, not something we’d necessarily hide. My husband’s previous basic salary was in the public domain so they have a rough idea of some of his income from the press (as unfortunately does MIL).
They know where our financial papers are stored so could look if they were interested. On the whole, I don’t think they are especially interested though.

We have 4 teenagers and they don't know the extent of dh's savings but if they need something I tell them to ask him as he has the money !

My dd wants to learn ushering this year so I will be going through all our outgoings so that she knows how much things cost and also all the things that have to be paid from tax ,national insurance to broadband.

Mine know how much the house cost when we moved last year, they know that I earn well but not exactly how much. Dd12 is realising the differences between what I can afford and what her friend’s mum can afford. When I talk to the about future jobs I explain that it’s important to have a job that you enjoy but that a career with a good salary gives you other freedoms and the importance of financial independence.

“My husband’s previous basic salary was in the public domain so they have a rough idea of some of his income from the press (as unfortunately does MIL). “

Also wondering about your DH now @Cherry but will restrain myself from nosing

Ours have a fairly good idea of what we earn and what outgoings we have.

Trying to make sure they understand how the world works. They are 17/16.

For me it’s a crucial part of parenting to be open and honest about finances.

We often discuss income and outgoings with the dcs.

They know life isn’t as simple as work hard = comfortable lifestyle.

Yes, because we have it, so I want them to feel secure; and also to know that if they want/need something like do a new activity, go on a school holiday etc they can ask without worry. I don't want them to miss opportunities because they're not sure if we can afford it or not, so don't ask.

I'm open about it, because my dh grew up with money, with no money worries at all, and now he has the best attitude to money of anyone I know, opposite of stingy (can't think of the word). I want the dc to be like that.

i saw (but ignored) the ST rich list reference :D
My DH's salary is in the public domain. Some are. And some people are googleable. It's not always correct information but it's there.

Not actual figures but approximations eg they know we can pay bills but have to save for holidays. We also say things like this month we can't go out for food because the car broke etc. We just discuss it in general when it's relevant to them. We will discuss more about budgeting etc as they get older. Don't think I'd tell them exact figures though as they don't need to know.

Aren't the vast majority of salaries in the public domain? You can just google eg 'how much does a teacher earn?'

@indecisivepigeon not at all. I think it’s their prerogative to keep finances quiet and I’m inclined to do the same.

If I told my children how much I earned and our living costs, garuntee did they would tell people. I don’t want others knowing I have a huge mortgage or if I’ve paid it off. I think it makes you vulnerable. I won’t even tell my parents what I earn!

My best friend is the same- she hasn’t shared her income with her husband because he has never asked and provides for the family comfortably. This is also her second marriage so she is keeping earnings aside in case she is ever left penniless again.

Fightthebear Just one of those jobs where salaries attract negative media attention. It’s not very nice for him and it’s never accurate but certain tabloids like sensational salary headlines. Compared to many in private sector, it’s relatively peanuts.

We talk to the DC about finances. They know where we stand and that it isn't acceptable to discuss it outside the family. My artistic DC especially feel more comfortable with knowing specific information, told to them in an honest and frank manner. I don't think it ought to be regarded as a secret.

*autistic, not artistic.

Mine are too young for the figures to mean much to them but I've shown them the ifs income app and explained where we fit on the bell curve. I think it's important they understand that our relatively comfortable existence is not the norm.
Inspired by the number of mumsnetters who as adults refused to believe their income was above average, even when presented with the facts.
I dont really believe in being secretive about money.

I knew my parent's salaries when I was younger. We were not super rich or dirt poor. They were happy to tell me when I asked. I also knew our rent, roughly what our bills were and knew how much we had saved up. they had no reason to keep it from me.

My DC don't know specifics but they have a fair idea.

I always had a fair idea about my parents income and expenses.

DP had the impression that his parents were dirt poor, and still maintains this idea, despite the fact that it's not true. It's left him overly concerned about finances. Like if money doesn't hit the account at midnight - I freelance so transfers can happen at any time- he goes straight to doom and gloom, thinking that we won't be able to pay bills or eat etc. This is never the case, but it's very stressful for him, and he then stresses me out.

@cherry - I agree, the publishing of civil servant’s salaries by name has been outrageously intrusive.

arethereanyleftatall Yes of course you can google what a primary school teacher earns. I’m meaning the specific salary, by name, of person reported in tabloids including pension, expenses, basic and bonus plus non taxable benefits. It’s rarely very accurate but gets Daily Mail readers huffing and puffing with indignation.

8yo ds doesn't know figures. When he asks if we're rich or poor I say we can afford everything we need (housing, food, clothes) and some of what we want (family holidays but not necessarily fancy ones to far flung places). He hears us discuss budgeting and how much things cost and he understands that some things get priority over others and why.

We’ve never discussed exact figures but we did make them aware, when their dad got made redundant twice in 3 years that there would be no extras. ( holidays, cinema. Ten pin bowling, meals out etc) and they just seemed ti accept it
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