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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you tell your children how much money you have?

164 replies

JennyFisher12 · 06/01/2019 20:43

WWYD not AIBU

Just interested as when I was growing up my parents would never tell me how much money they had. They told me to mind my own business!

Now my teenage son is asking us if ‘we have any money?’ as in if we have savings - I don’t think I really want to tell him but not sure why!

Do your children (if teenagers or older) know your rough finances or do you think it’s none of their business?

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 06/01/2019 20:45

It’s absolutely none of their business.

What benefit would there be to them knowing?

TeenTimesTwo · 06/01/2019 20:46

Yes, in as much as they know we always have money for educational opportunities etc, and we aren't worrying about the next bill.
No as in they do not know how much we have stashed away, and we are careful to talk about value for money, not wasting it etc.

Bluelady · 06/01/2019 20:47

Absolutely not. It's none of their business.

Subtlecheese · 06/01/2019 20:47

No. Because you know they'll be telling everyone and anyone, I constantly hear from my dsughter's friend how much her (absent) father is worth and what her mum thinks about it. It is cringewortho to the point that I have to avoid the girl's mother because I dread the conversation. Clearly the mum thinks it's ok to discuss too.

Passthecake30 · 06/01/2019 20:49

My son (10) often asks us. He appears to want to know where we are placed, financially. He seems to want to understand rather than be nosey. I say things like the average wage in this area is £x and we are on slightly more than that. Have enough for what we need and some things of what we like but we need to make choices. I feel that it's important that he understands that we are not being tight (as I thought my dps were ALL the time...)

OhDearBeer · 06/01/2019 20:49

No but I do think its useful to work through some budgeting decisions with them as they get older so they understand in broad terms that not buying x or y means we could afford a or b.

OhTheRoses · 06/01/2019 20:50

No. Although I imagine they know we aren't exactly on our uppers.

Turin · 06/01/2019 20:50

I grew up believing my parents were penniless and therefore never asked them for anything. I survived uni on £15 a week from them living at home and was so grateful! They were very well off.

Had I known I think I would have felt very entitled to it at such a young age.

treaclesoda · 06/01/2019 20:51

My children know that we have enough money to not have to worry about bills and food, but not enough money that we can just spend thoughtlessly.

But I don't discuss figures with them.

HollowTalk · 06/01/2019 20:51

No way if they're young enough to think that savings means spare money. And no way if they're older when they want a car or a holiday and might think you could give it to them.

I wouldn't say "None of your business" but I'd say "That's private."

Notmyrealname85 · 06/01/2019 20:51

You should say you have money to pay bills, mortgage, have savings, that you won’t ever need to rely on them (ie for them not to worry)... if this isn’t true just try and sort it at some time :/

As pp say, don’t give them specifics so if you DO have lots of dough, don’t tell them

Original poster
JennyFisher12 · 06/01/2019 20:52

I know there’s no benefit to them knowing and I know it’s none of their business - I just don’t understand the secrecy that some people have about this.

I’ve told him there’s some money put aside for when he’s 18 so he can buy a car or go to Uni but no I don’t think I’ll divulge anything else as he will probably tell all the neighbours 😂

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 06/01/2019 20:52

Mine are all under 10 but if they want to know I won't have any issues telling them how much we earn and breakdown of bills. Perhaps I'd feel different if we were on mega money but we are not. We work to a budget and have little savings

TeenTimesTwo · 06/01/2019 20:55

One thing we do do, is to talk in advance about to what extent we might help out financially.
So e.g. DD1 knew we would pay for her to learn to drive, but she knows we're not bankrolling her and her BF to move in together Hmm.

Wholovesorangesoda · 06/01/2019 20:56

My dd doesn't know how much we have, but is aware that it isn't much!

OvO · 06/01/2019 20:56

Mine have never asked actual numbers, so this has made me think what I’d say.

I think I would tell them. We don’t have a lot of money and have to save for stuff, but no debts at all. I think I’d say we had X amount a week and that has to cover x,y, and z. I do like to occasionally talk about budgeting and saving so this’d be an opportunity to explain in real life terms iykwim.

But maybe I’d feel different if I was loaded! Grin

nokidshere · 06/01/2019 20:59

Not when they are at school ages no, but as they have got older (17&20) we discuss money with them in general. They need to know that whilst we have enough money to pay the bills and be ok we don't have enough to never have to think about it.

They know how much money we have in the bank and what we get paid and what gets paid out regularly. I think they are pretty good at understanding that sometimes we can't afford things, or that we have to save and that we all need to pull our weight. They both work and study and are not entitled in the least.

I would never discuss specific money worries with a child of any age

TheBigBangRocks · 06/01/2019 21:00

Not exact figures but they know enough. Having grown up worrying about money I never want them too. They are involved in decisions like holidays etc and aren't afraid to bring home letters for school trips and such like.

They are aware we save as we have stressed the importance of a rainy day pot so hopefully they will do the same as adults. They don't know about their savings though as I want them to work hard for a house deposit not sit in their laurels thinking we are helping.

They learn to budget through their own allowance and are free to spend their Christmas and birthday money on top as they see fit.

BlueJava · 06/01/2019 21:01

No we don't tell them - mostly because they'd blab. It's private information and I don't want other family members/school friends knowing.

indecisivepigeon · 06/01/2019 21:03

@Turin

Did you not live in a house that gave away your parents’ wealth?

I had parents who were financially comfortable and our home and lifestyle reflected it even if I wasn’t spoiled.

Girlicorne · 06/01/2019 21:04

I think it's important for them to feel secure, our two know we can afford the rent and bills and food and additional fun stuff. I think it helps them feel safe. They are 9 and 11 so understand the value of money and that if you work hard you get nice things. They don't know we don't have any savings though, if we did I think I would tell them. I want them to be better with money than I am though and they have both set up a savings function with their Go Henry cards which is great.

CosmicCanary · 06/01/2019 21:05

I am skint.
My DC ask for money and more often than not my answer is "poor until payday"

giftsonthebrain · 06/01/2019 21:07

Full disclosure from day 1 to present day. Income and outgoings.

SagelyNodding · 06/01/2019 21:07

Mine know vaguely... They know how much our rent is (I think), and that we can't afford everything! I haven't given them actual figures, as they don't really need to know, but when we were discussing the gilets jaunes (we live in France) we talked about the minimum wage and the cost of living. They were reassured to know we (and they) don't have to worry about not being able to eat/pay bills/rent etc

EdHelpPls · 06/01/2019 21:08

Under teen years I give assurance we have enough for the things we need ( and a few things we want if that’s true!) but not actual figures.
My 16 year old knows roughly how much we pay. I don’t want to worry them but also feel it’s important to know what is realistic ( when she’s seeing clothing/makeup hauls on YouTube etc)