Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you tell your children how much money you have?

164 replies

JennyFisher12 · 06/01/2019 20:43

WWYD not AIBU

Just interested as when I was growing up my parents would never tell me how much money they had. They told me to mind my own business!

Now my teenage son is asking us if ‘we have any money?’ as in if we have savings - I don’t think I really want to tell him but not sure why!

Do your children (if teenagers or older) know your rough finances or do you think it’s none of their business?

OP posts:
flirtygirl · 06/01/2019 21:37

I always discuss money with them.

So at a supermarket they know the budget, they know what a big shop or little shop looks like and costs. I let them know if I have money for treats or not.

I have always talked to them about budgeting and bills, not in super detail but so they know.

I have spoken about how my mum paid for my driving lessons and that I hope to do the same for them.

They know that I save for many different reasons. We talk about whether to take a holiday or have days out etc.

And when I split with their dad I discussed with them whether they would like to stay closer and share a bedroom when we moved or move further away but have a bedroom each and a garden. They knew we were moving either way a
but discussing it with them and involving them helped them. They made the decision and I have gone with what they wanted. (I offered choices that I knew we all could live with.)

So yes I think it's very important our children understand about the family income, outgoings and savings.

We have all set savings goals for the next 2 years and they know money is tight due to moving and renovation costs. They are saving for what they want also.

They are aged 9 and 19 and 19 year old is autistic but I discuss it all with her. I may have to explain it, again and again but she has the same level of input.

My mum taught us frugality and budgeting but was very secretive so I am more open.

Yabbers · 06/01/2019 21:39

I tell her often. Show her the beginning of the month and the end so she understands how it works. She knows the value of a £ and if we are having a splurge out day shopping and I offer to buy her something, she will sometimes say “but can we afford it” so I show her the bank balance on the app and we talk about it. I also talk to her about the fact not everyone is so fortunate and to remember it’s important to help others out if we can.

I see no reason to hide anything from her. However, if we were struggling, I would be less likely to share as I wouldn’t want a child to worry about where the next meal is coming from.

HairyToity · 06/01/2019 21:40

No. My daughter would want to spend it! When she's older, I will tell her.

MintyCedric · 06/01/2019 21:40

I don't make a huge point of telling her about my finances, but I'm not secretive either. We spent 2 years with my parent's after my marriage to her dad broke down, so there were lots of discussions and since my mum is deaf as a post not much scope for discretion.

I imagine she's aware of my salary and how much my mortgage is on our home, if money's tight I don't shy away from letting her know we'll have to rein it in a bit, but she rarely, if ever, goes without.

She's 14 and is already showing signs of having much more common sense wrt finances than me.

Turin · 06/01/2019 21:41

@indecisivepigeon it wasn’t a huge house as they were very frugal so just assumed it’s upkeep was a huge burden.

My own DC know roughly what I earn and spend.

OublietteBravo · 06/01/2019 21:44

My DS (13) is currently very interested in investments and pensions and tax. I’ve shown him some of my financial information to help him understand. I’ve also let him be involved in looking at the funds in his pension.

howabout · 06/01/2019 21:44

I live near a secondary school. If I go out at lunch the teenagers can all be overheard discussing where they live and what jobs their parents do, what cars the family own, where they are going on holiday, what pocket money they get, whether it is better to tap their DF or DM. You can almost hear the calculators going off in their heads - no point trying to keep secrets.

SadOtter · 06/01/2019 21:53

Mine know, because I have fuck all savings and have to budget really carefully. I got sick of 14 year old telling me how unfair it is that everyone in the world gets more allowance than he does and I'm so selfish, so I sat down and explained our budget to him. He has now stopped whinging.

countrybunny · 06/01/2019 21:53

My mum and dad never spoke about lack of money meaning I had little financial awareness or awareness of budgeting, sensible spending and savings. Made me terrible with money. I plan to be open and honest with my son.

lljkk · 06/01/2019 21:56

It would be a lot easier if we had nothing in savings.
AS things stands, we have maybe combined £150k in savings. Plus pensions. If DC knew that, they would nag constantly at us to spend on them as they saw fit.

I'd like to move back to city in future. We don't have enough in savings to buy an equiv. house in nearest city (I mean with a mortgage, we wouldn't get the mortgage due to insufficient deposit, even given all the equity in our current house). There are lots of other things that could swallow our savings up. DC don't understand.

trinitybleu · 06/01/2019 22:05

My DD knows roughly how much our mortgage is (based on its x times her pocket money) and she knows how much the electricity bill is and so on. Gives her a a sense of proportion and that I don't have oodles of spare cash to fritter, and that I need to work to pay those bills.

megletthesecond · 06/01/2019 22:08

Mine know a little bit. I tell them how much various bills are if they ask and they know where I am on the mortgage. They know roughly how much I earn and that I receive maintenance from their dad.

AlbaAlba · 06/01/2019 22:20

This is a question we get from DD (9) and I find it really hard to pitch the answer. I'm not giving actual figures, because she would tell people, and I also don't want her to get the wrong idea - her friend thought she (the friend) was going to be rich, because of a Junior ISA of a couple of thousand, which to a 9 year old feels like a lot, but the friend thought this would be enough to get a house, car, etc.

DD asks 'are we rich, or poor?' She's a bit of a social warrior. She knows we are better off than, say, homeless people, but somehow it hasn't occurred to her quite how well-off the family is (family money, multiple holiday houses) and I find myself very reluctant to tell her. We live in a well-heeled area, and her friends' parents are mainly lawyers, hospital consultants etc, so a certain level of income is considered 'normal' in her peer group, though it's high for the general population. We've got extra beyond that, but not in the super yacht class! We do make sure we sometimes say no to certain treats, or explain that we've spent a lot recently, even if we could ultimately afford things, because we don't want her to get spoiled or see money as a bottomless pit.

I'm trying to instil a sense of responsibility for those around us, whilst preparing her to one day come into a pretty decent inheritance, whilst trying to make sure she makes an effort to be independent.

I think my usual answer is "we're very lucky, but it's always good to be careful with money, save some of it etc. And there will always be someone richer."

CombineBananaFister · 06/01/2019 22:23

My 9 year old knows what we can afford in relation to what he understands. I grew up piss poor so It's important to me that he feels secure but also that he knows how to budget and doesn't take things for granted.
It came from him asking questions about our lifestyle choices, from how he sees others living and from decisions we've made and discussed as a family.
I think it's helpful for them to know from a young age so that it's not so difficult to comprehend later.

AlbaAlba · 06/01/2019 22:24

She does understand about interest rates and shares too, and we chose her personal savings account for her pocket money together, looking at the t&cs and the interest rates, and she knows she has to keep an eye on interest rate changes, and move elsewhere when a better deal comes up. Trying to get her to manage money on a small-scale, responsibly, to prepare her for the future.

Willbeatjanuaryblues · 06/01/2019 22:26

Amazed no one picked up on the poster whose wealth is listed in paper every year 😂😂.

I make it clear that we save, that we are not well off, things have been very tight for years, I show dc how we save, they know we have weekly budgets. I hope they would never think they couldn't ask us for a bit of money. I really hope they would at least ask!

I pretty much knew my dp state of affairs and we were open with helping each other out... I wouldn't say any exact figures because they do talk about these things at school!

Willbeatjanuaryblues · 06/01/2019 22:28

Alba that's a good idea. My df tried with me, he opened up a bank account for me and got me stocks and shares thing but he could not explain it to me, how these things work.

indecisivepigeon · 06/01/2019 22:32

@Turin

Do you resent them for it? I seem to be fascinated by people eho are wealthy who don’t let on 😂 sorry if I’m prying! 🙈

BarbarianMum · 06/01/2019 22:35

Yes.

They were very impressed (even my monthly salary sounds a lot compared to £2 week pocket money) but then we showed them how much stuff costs - mortgage, insurance, food, electric, swimming classes - so they understood where it goes as well.

I dont really understand how older children (teens) are supposed to make sensible decisions about their lives if they have no appreciation if they have no feeling of how much it costs to live.

AlbaAlba · 06/01/2019 22:36

Willbeat, my father explained it all to me when I was a child. DH's upper class family on the other hand are seriously well off, but never discuss money, even with their own grown up children who are going to have to take on the responsibilities. DH somehow managed to grow up both tight but also having no idea of the cost of things.

Gth1234 · 06/01/2019 22:39

you are much better off not telling kids everything about the family. I'm with Don Vito Corleone on this one.

sayitwithcake · 06/01/2019 22:41

Hilariously we had a friend of one of our DC ask on a play date if we had spent all our money on buying our house and other questions. It felt like a plant from a nosy parent truth be told...

blaaake · 06/01/2019 22:41

Definitely not. They know we're well off, but they don't know the details of anything. They have no need to!

Lucyccfc · 06/01/2019 22:42

My 13 year old DS knows what I earn and he also understands what I pay out in terms of mortgage and bills. We have conversations about mortgages, deposits and interest as well as the difference between debit and credit cards.

He also has a basic understanding of tax, N.I. and taxable benefits such as a company car.

At 13 he is old enough to start learning these things. If I don't teach him, who will. It's not like schools teach these kind of things.

PookieDo · 06/01/2019 22:45

It annoyed me my parents never spoke about this with me. We seemed to be really poor. I was awful with money when I left home

DC know a vague amount of approx how much I earn, in the sense of careers and I do talk to them about the costs of things like bills because they are older now.

DD16 has finally worked out that her dad has been totally fucking me over for maintenance her whole life and I didn’t have to tell her that. She’s not stupid!