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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you tell your children how much money you have?

164 replies

JennyFisher12 · 06/01/2019 20:43

WWYD not AIBU

Just interested as when I was growing up my parents would never tell me how much money they had. They told me to mind my own business!

Now my teenage son is asking us if ‘we have any money?’ as in if we have savings - I don’t think I really want to tell him but not sure why!

Do your children (if teenagers or older) know your rough finances or do you think it’s none of their business?

OP posts:
Fightthebear · 06/01/2019 21:08

Told DS1 (11) what i earned recently, it’s a decent professional salary but nothing surprising if he blabbed it.

My rationale was that we don’t talk enough about money, salaries, career choices and budgeting with children, I think it’s good for them to understand this stuff. I have met some teenagers with wildly unrealistic ideas about what people get paid.

DH is a very high earner though and I put my foot down about disclosing that to anyone, it would be embarrassing if DS told his friends.

Dogsmellssobadbob · 06/01/2019 21:08

Mine know because we get listed in an annual paper which does a round up of wealth. But I don’t suppose the actual numbers mean much to them? Maybe it does and they are just used to it.
They see we can afford to do certain things without stress but we don’t holiday much or have expensive cars or belongings and they certainly don’t get whatever they want and are actually not at all materialistic.
If they asked about our wealth I’d try and explain to them and put it in context but they actually never mention it really.

moanymoaner · 06/01/2019 21:08

I do tell my children , we discuss earnings and outgoings and how much bills cost etc. We discuss the savings we have but more because I grew up with my mum having nothing and literally counting how much money we could spend on food , using a calculator round the shop and I don't want that worry for my children like I had but we are not frivolous and they actually never mention it to people.

KanielOutis · 06/01/2019 21:08

No, we don't discuss our position. DD knows she has £1k in savings that she can access at 18. She will buy a car, a house, a holiday and new clothes with it. She hasn't learnt the value of money it seems.

MamaHechtick · 06/01/2019 21:09

DC's are too young to really understand, but we have started to tell them we don't have money to waste on things.
I wouldn't tell them how much we have or don't have for the same reasons everyone else has stated, children tend to talk too much.

Last week an 11 year old family member was here telling us how much his parents house is worth, how much they paid for it, how much they spent on it, how much their car cost...pretty much his whole conversations were around money and how much they had and spent. I found it quite sad from a child so young.

SoyDora · 06/01/2019 21:10

What, as in exact amounts?! No.
Mine are too young to ask at the moment but I explain to them that things cost money and we have to work hard for money. I never want them to feel insecure or like we can’t afford to provide for them though.

Ta1kinPeace · 06/01/2019 21:11

Mine (at Uni)
know that we are mortgage free
they know that we have some savings
they know that we have enough to plan holidays
but when work is tough (DH and I are both self employed) we tell them if we cannot afford things

Bluntness100 · 06/01/2019 21:12

Yes of course she knows, from how much we earn to how much our savings are, and she has always known, we have always been totally honest and open on discussing finances in front of her.

I would only have kept it a secret from her if we were in trouble and I was trying to avoid her worrying. Past that I see no reason to hide it. She will one day have to sort out estates and she is the one person we trust most in the world. She's now 21 but as said she's always known and she is equally open with us.

TheFrequentNameChangingLady · 06/01/2019 21:12

I wouldn't tell them specifics but happy to chat about money and what we have to spare for fun things.
I'm sure kids don't want to talk about bills and how much your paying for rent etc unless they're getting to the age where they think about moving out and expenses in which case it would be good to talk through bills with them.

jadeyfly · 06/01/2019 21:13

My kids are still quite young but they know some months are tighter than others. We can manage all bills and day to day living, manage flights to Spain once a year to visit their grandparents but that's it. Tbh if my parents didn't live in Spain we wouldn't manage a holiday at all and I do tell the girls they are lucky as most of their class friends don't get the chance to go abroad on holiday every year like they do

Ineedtonamechangenow · 06/01/2019 21:14

As a child I used to lie awake worrying that my mum would lose the house. My boys are young but I don't want them to know how bad we have it currently. Although I'd talk to them in a age appropriate,. positive, logical way when the time comes

SluggishSnail · 06/01/2019 21:14

Mine know that there's money saved up for their education (Uni) and they know how much our house cost. But they don't know how much DH and I earn and while they know we have a mortgage, they don't know how much it is.

2019Newname · 06/01/2019 21:18

DC (mid to late teens) do know roughly what we earn (to within 5-10k) and they know how much the house is worth and how much mortgage we have on it (small thankfully). Above all on the basis that we don’t volunteer but if they ask questions we will be honest. If they ask I tell them things like how much we pay for groceries in a month etc.

They know we have chosen not to have savings but to spend on amazing holidays for us all while they are with us for now. They know we are not in debt apart from a small mortgage and we wouldn’t go into debt for things like holidays.

They also know we don’t have money to just spend as we fancy but that we are comfortable and better off than a lot of their friends.

We have been pretty honest as I think it’s important they realise and appreciate we are very comfortable but do not have money to burn and that the money is hard earnt.

Thehop · 06/01/2019 21:20

Ours know we don’t have heaps spare, but don’t worry about keeping warm.

OverByYer · 06/01/2019 21:21

We don’t tell ours how much we earn as I don’t want them going around telling their mates.
I don’t know if we are better or worse off than them.
I just don’t think children should be competing over how rich or not their parents are

Catsandbootsandbootsandcats · 06/01/2019 21:21

I'll tell them. It doesn't bother me. It's usually not much, I'm unfortunately not rich.

They don't how much the house is worth or how much is on the mortgage, purely because they've never asked. If they asked I'd tell them. It's not worth them boasting to their friends!

I don't even have savings for them, bar the children's trust funds the government put money in years back.

Believeitornot · 06/01/2019 21:24

I think it is my child’s business - they’re family and live with me!

I talk to them about how we have enough to pay the mortgage etc but when I mention specific amounts it doesn’t mean much to them.

Yes they may tell other kids who tell their parents but so what.

Money shouldn’t be a mystery.

tempname111 · 06/01/2019 21:25

We have DS aged 11. He's known our finances for a while like my salary, our mortgage, savings. We also tell him how much things have costs like weekly shops, holidays etc. I think it will help him have some sense of perspective between wages/regular costs.

Moussemoose · 06/01/2019 21:26

We are both open and honest with them. We discuss the choices we make with them: holiday vs car, which supermarket, how much to save, mortgage etc

They are older teens and are not particularly interested but if they ask we tell them. We explain our choices and what the options are.

That's how they learn to make their own choices.

sizzledrizz · 06/01/2019 21:28

I tell my children about bills, how much the weekly food shop is, how much it costs for holidays etc. I want them to know that there are things we need and things we like, and we can only have the things we like after paying for needs. They're very careful with their own money and only buy things if they actually can see that they would love to have them and use them a lot. They also look for bargains and compare prices before buying.

flamingofridays · 06/01/2019 21:29

Nope. But dss mother wrongly reckons were loaded so tells dss as much. Many a conversations been had in this house about how its not true but he still tends to believe her over us! Hes 14

DramaAlpaca · 06/01/2019 21:29

My young adults know we are reasonably comfortably off but they don't know our exact situation. The eldest two are off the family payroll, are very independent & never ask for anything, but they know we'll help them out if they ever need it.

sulflower · 06/01/2019 21:30

Absolutely not and we don't expect them to tell us how much they have. All flown the nest and are comfortably off themselves. My daughter came into some money recently and I told her I didn't need to know how much, I'm just happy she's well set up financially for the future.

AnnaMariaDreams · 06/01/2019 21:31

He knows we’re not rich and we’re not poor; we’ve enough. That’s all he needs to know. He’s 6.

Kemer2018 · 06/01/2019 21:32

No. I never want her thinking we'd be more valuable dead than alive.