Am I the only one who thinks this assault is not ok

[BuffetTHEvampireSLAYER]

I am absolutely fuming.

DS 17 was on a night out and returned with a bruise on his face, when I questioned it he said he was messing around with his friends and he went to bed.

I have since had a phone call from his girlfriends mother who informed me that her daughter is pregnant and her husband punched my DS and she told me that he's lucky thats all he got

I woke DS up and he told me that everything's ok and I have to stay out of it.

I am obviously shocked if his gf is pregnant but i'm more worried about the assault that has occurred

What should I do

And people talking about not involving the police “in case it torpedoes the relationship with the in-laws” - that ship would have sailed for me when the in-laws assaulted my child.

Well good for you, but some people would be mindful that they’re son is potentially about to become a father, and he has a right to decide how to navigate the situation himself without his mother wading in all guns blazing.

How is it helpful to report the girl's father though? How can you work together with her family once that's been done? Have you thought of all the consequences?

It shouldn't be allowed to happen again, though, but for this time it would be more prudent to let it go.

You're more worried that your son was hit by his pregnant girlfriends father than you are that your 17 year old has got his girlfriend pregnant?? Assault is against the law, getting your gf pregnant is not (not in these circumstances anyway)

@Walkingdeadfangirl - So the father of the girl punched your son good for him for getting her pregnant. You do realise that the young woman was actually there at the time, don't you? Both parties are jointly responsible for contraception, and unless he forced her to have unprotected sex, he has done nothing wrong.

Has anyone on this thread who is having a go at the op for focusing on her son/having a dig because he "got" her pregnant thought that it may be possible that the gf did this on purpose? I mean, she lives with a bully of a father obviously, so maybe she needs a way out?

But no, let's blame the male for getting a woman his page pregnant, but not blame a man for physical violence.

It's not ok for a grown man to punch a 17 year old, regardless of the situation.
I'd wait till tomorrow, well later today, phone the family and say they all need to meet you somewhere & pick a neutral venue for lunch. If they kick off or refuse, point out he punched a child and the only thing that's stopping you from going to the police is your son said he wanted to work things out. If they refuse call the police and let them deal with it. I hope your son and his girlfriend figure out what's best for them and can cope with whatever that means

*age, not page.

And you know what, getting the police involved (with his consent) is EXACTLY what I would do. What happens when this man's (use the term loosely) grandchild fucks up? Will they get a beat down too?

Also, they didn't bother to contact the op to discuss it before they assaulted him, and when they had finished assaulting the lad they sent him home, and then said he was lucky he didn't get more (a threat?).

The man is violent, his wife an excuser/enabler and I certainly wouldn't want that around my grandchild.

What @Piebeansandchips said.

sashkin no because I was a grown married woman in my thirties not a girl who left school a year ago

Some very rude comments here, saying ‘lucky he only got punched’ etc, do you people live in the seventies? Outrahous attitudes.
Two youngsters made a mistake and the father of the girl assaulted a kid over it.

Becoming a father etc... it wasn’t exactly planned, was it?

I’m sure none of you made mistakes ans were stupid at 17.

@BuffetTHEvampireSLAYER

You'll get far more useful responses if you go onto the Relationships board. Don't take any action based on the comments here.

Good luck and, fwiw, I would be talking to my son and encouraging him to speak to the police. Nothing justifies violence and assault against a minor, which a 17 year old is, is a serious crime.

If the dad requires enhanced DBS clearance for his job, then his employer might be very keen to know that he has done this.

Cannot actually believe what I’m reading, what universe are some of you living in!

Just because there’s a baby tying these families together does not mean one of them can go around willy nilly punching one another, at the end of the day he’s a grown man and the 17 year old isn’t. Is it assault on a minor? I’m not sure but still not okay and if you don’t deal with it now in one way or another, I’m afraid it’ll set a dangerous precedent.

And why is the son and mother getting flamed here? The girl had unprotected sex and engaged in the irresponsiblity just as much as he did, would everyone be defending the mum if she went round and punched/slapped the girl? I think not, even though logically that’s what people are suggesting here.

There is fault on both sides and assault is just never okay, he’s a grown ass man and should be able to control himself.

Is the pregnant GF safe? What about the baby? So many concerns and questions here.

You need to sit down with your son and get some answers out of him, he’s legally still a child and living under your roof he doesn’t get to tell you to mind your own, how will he provide financially? Where will the baby live? Are they keeping it? So many questions, all you can do in regards to your son is listen to him and offer suggestions of scenarios, be his support syst as I’m sure you will.

Sorry OP this must be really shocking and stressful for you all x

Well good for you, but some people would be mindful that they’re son is potentially about to become a father, and he has a right to decide how to navigate the situation himself without his mother wading in all guns blazing

He's still a minor and the OP still has parental responsibility for him until he's 18.

This man has already punched him. Assault should never be tolerate or accepted. I would imagine the lad is terrified of the whole thing. This man needs to know that his behaviour was unacceptable. And illegal.

Is it assault on a minor?

Tbh, that's probably not the legal term but the law protects people under 18 from violence by people over 18.

Mate. If my DD found herself pregnant at 17 I'd boot the pair of them in the face.

HOWEVER, back in the real world.

I'd ask them what was going on.

And ask them both how we were going to deal with it.

I don’t think calling the police is the right thing to do. It was obviously wrong of the man to hit your ds, but given the state of emotions from all sides, adding police to the drama will not help relations between you, especially as your ds does not want you to. Focus on the baby.

If a man hit a woman, there would be no mitigation here. No excuse for it.
The same should apply to the lad.

Either we abhor violence or we don't, and letting it ride undermines victims of physical violence.

Her father is ridiculous. Sorry but unless your son forced himself on her, he doesn’t deserve to get punched by a middle aged man over this.

As her parents, why aren’t they speaking to their daughter about contraception and taking her to her gp instead of assuming that she is just going to abstain from sex? They’re aware that she has a boyfriend and 17 isn’t even a shocking age to be sexually active, it could even be considered late by today’s standards. They’re both responsible for the creation of the baby ffs

He's still a minor and the OP still has parental responsibility for him until he's 18.

If he’s old enough to start a consensual sexual relationship, he’s old enough to make an informed decision as to how the situation is handled. He’s said he doesn’t want to go to the police and that’s his decision to make.

Of course most people here know that what the GF’s dad did was wrong, there’s very few people saying that he deserved what he got. But this isn’t a black and white situation, and how it’s handled now will have ramifications that could impact DS for years.

Either we abhor violence or we don't, and letting it ride undermines victims of physical violence.

Exactly. This boy deserves protecting from this violent man as much as anyone else deserves it.

I actually cannot understand the thinking of the majority of posters on this thread at all.

Mate. If my DD found herself pregnant at 17 I'd boot the pair of them in the face.

Nice...

No girl 'finds herself' pregnant. We all know how pregnancy happens. It's not something boys do to girls. They both need to take responsibility for it.

OP I am sorry this is awful for your son and for you.

A few thoughts. Can you photograph the injury and record what details you know in case your son does decide to press charges? I do think it should be his choice. Much as the actions of his girlfriend's father are utterly unacceptable, you do not know the full circumstances yet. Nothing would make this OK but it may be better to find out exactly what happened.

The choice to continue with the pregnancy or not will be the girl's. Your son may want to suggest things to her but I would (IMHO) keep out as much as possible, he is not an adult but at 17 (and as a prospective father) he will need to step up to deal with the fallout from the pregnancy, so to speak.

You are completely right to be very angry about the assault.

I'm not suggesting you say this but you may want to bear in mind that the baby may not be your son's.

This all sounds very traumatic for everyone. The choices will not be yours and that will be hard. Whether you like it or not, you may become a grandmother, please look after yourself. You are so right to be concerned for your son too.

Buffet
In your place I’d really like to report the father to the police. Not doing so does set a difficult precedent. Your ds will know more about what kind of man he is. Is this likely to be a one off? What did his gf say when her father punched him?

I totally understand the posters saying to report. This situation could reoccurr and your ds needs to place his boundaries perhaps ultimately to ensure he has access to his gf and child. And to keep the growing child safe. If the father is acting as though his dd is his property, will he be the same with the child if she brings the pregnancy to term?

Your interference and going to the police will damage your relationship with your ds and may even put an end to his relationship with his gf thus making it difficult to gain access to the potential future child. Knowing this I don’t think I would report without your ds’s consent.

Your ds being only 17 has so much to learn from the adult world. I hope you will be able to talk this assault through and also any plans he and his gf will be making. If you do both decide not to report this cave man, he should be very clear it is a one off and will not be accepted a second time and encourage him to inform the girls father of this fact.

bastard child
The child would be the very definition of a “bastard”. Don’t be so judgmental
Oh ffs. Are you really defending your use of language? This is not the 18th century. This word is extremely misogynistic. Ops ds is not a lord, who has got some poor waif girl pregnant.

Very good points Mummyoflittledragon.

Ps OP I wasn't meaning to say the baby may not be his to wash his hands of things but just for you to keep yourself from being too attached already. Bearing in mind that the pregnancy may not continue and there may be more to the situation. Of course you have to take things on face value now but it did just occur to me. Hope it did not offend you.

Has anyone on this thread who is having a go at the op for focusing on her son/having a dig because he "got" her pregnant thought that it may be possible that the gf did this on purpose?
I'm not 'having a go' at the OP or saying he 'got' her pregnant. Fact is, he clearly did not prevent a pregnancy and could have. Sure, it takes 2 and bother are responsible blah blah blah but so many are missing the point. The buck stops with the guy. She can 'try' all she likes (a general 'she') and say she's on the pill, wrong time of month etc, but a smart guy is going to ensure he is protected.
The girls parents can deal with her, my focus is absolutely on MY child in this situation.

@CJsGoldfish How is the OP not concerned with her own child and his part to play in getting the girl pregnant
I don't think I said the OP wasn't concerned with her child and was not responding to her?

I also doubt anyone said the father was right to punch the son. I know I said I'd want to punch my own son if he was so fucking stupid but noone is actually saying it was ok are they? If the OPs son thinks he's old enough to make a baby then he should be old enough to deal with the situation himself, whatever action he chooses to take or not take.

Thanks Italiangreyhound. It’s a difficult situation caused by a thug. And you made a good point about the child and not getting too attached. It hadn’t occurred to me. But yes, it is a possibility.

I’m not trying to cast aspersions on the young woman either. Or try to insinuate wheedling out of a situation. It’s just true that some teens experiment and some of that experimentation involves having sex with more than one partner.

Thishasreallypissedmeoff

Ahem. You quoted my quote to the OP.

I would never and have never 'Booted anyone in the face'.

Don't quote me as a mad person.