Am I the only one who thinks this assault is not ok

[BuffetTHEvampireSLAYER]

I am absolutely fuming.

DS 17 was on a night out and returned with a bruise on his face, when I questioned it he said he was messing around with his friends and he went to bed.

I have since had a phone call from his girlfriends mother who informed me that her daughter is pregnant and her husband punched my DS and she told me that he's lucky thats all he got

I woke DS up and he told me that everything's ok and I have to stay out of it.

I am obviously shocked if his gf is pregnant but i'm more worried about the assault that has occurred

What should I do

Of course it's assault. I imagine it is now impossible for him to have a reasonable relationship with his gf's parents and that would be their fault.

I would insist on his telling the police. It could happen again and again. He's still only a kid himself.

I’d find out why he hit your son first (not saying he did) but what if your son threw the first punch? If you go to the police, it could end up with a counter claim against your son.

If possible, all of you need to sit down (maybe in a few days when everyone has calmed down) to figure out how you’re going to support your son and his girlfriend going forward.

I'd be pissed off at the dad, but given the pregnancy I don't think you should report to the police. What do gf and ds want to do about the pregnancy? It sounds like she may want to keep it if she's told her parents. I'd be far more worried about the pregnancy than a punch.

Absolutely zero point in calling the police unless your son chooses to make a statement they are not in a position to do anything.
Time to accept that in his life, he’s old enough to take decisions, posibbly with your help and guidance, and also to take responsibility for his own actions.
The lying is not an encouraging sign.
Nor is your attitude that one punch is a bigger issue than a pregnancy, if it happens to your darling son.

As others have said, although assault is never ok, a long term view might be more to the point. Your son and his girlfriend could already be making plans to keep the baby.
Pouring petrol on a family fire won’t help.

Your son, by his actions has entered adulthood. Possibly too young, but that’s done now. Stop thinking you can or should be making decisions for him.

I'm concerned that in 2019 there's players saying "he got his GF pregnant".

2 consenting adults had sexual and pregnancy was a result of this. It's very possible it's a contraceptive failure of no fault. But also possible she didn't take a pill or something.

So no the pregnancy isn't more concerning. It's a separate issue. He has been assaulted because of the pregnancy and if they decide to continue he needs to make sure the grandfather knows NOW he won't tolerate being assaulted. How are they to parent a child together of one adult is at risk?

You can call the police if you wish, and they may record a crime depending on their local policies, however they shouldnt really on a 3rd party report unless it is victim confirmed. Either way, you cannot "press charges" for him. The victim has to make that decision and seeing as your son didn't even tell you about the assault I don't think he'd want to speak to the police.

Personally, I'd think long and hard about your actions first. He didn't even tell you about the pregnancy or the assault, for whatever reason. If you reported it to the police against his wishes, you risk alienating him further and him turning away from you completely while going through one of the hardest times of his life.

ChakiraChakra Sun 06-Jan-19 07:43:01
Talk to your son in the morning. He'll be scared, confused and upset about everything. Your job is to support him.

This^^

Unplanned pregnancies happen even if contraception is being used.

It isnt the end of the world but it is the end of a world.

All credit to your son for going with his gf when she told her parents she was pregnant. He has shown a level of maturity that many boys wouldn’t, and he is a boy. The father should be glad that his dd has such a supportive boyfriend.
As for the assault, speak to your son first, photograph the bruise, then ring the man and say that you considered reporting for assault but would be willing to have a conversation with them first.
You could also say that you will fully support the couple whatever they decide.
Good Luck

Juells maybe read the thread ? It has been said several times the girlfriend is also 17 , don't try and twist this into something it isn't and I wouldn't exactly be thrilled if my 17 year old son found out his girlfriend was pregnant ,am I all right to lash out at her? No I thought not.

I imagine that OP is focusing on the punch more right now because she is still trying to get her head around everything and is feeling quite shocked.

I tend to do the same when faced with a big issue, focus on the not so important part first while the rest sinks in. It's just how my brain deals with things. I am sure in time OP will be just as concerned about the pregnancy as she is the punch.

I'm surprised you're not more angry at the girlfriend for getting your son into this mess to be honest.

What? his GF didn't get him into this mess. They both did it together.

Wow this is a difficult situation OP and I feel for all involved.

I have a 16 yo DS and if I was in your situation I would not be doing anything atm.

A discussion about the future needs to be had and any police involvement would I think immediately put a stop to that.

I am not condoning the violence but it does not sound like your son was severely injured and in the cold light of day will calling the police improve the situation or make this 10 times harder?

It does need to be made clear to the father that any further violence will lead to police involvement but the important thing is supporting both their DD and your DS and not about blame.

I hope that her parents are reasonable people at that the assault was out of character because if the dad is that kind of man and the gf decides to keep the baby it will be a very difficult road ahead for you all.

I guess if you want nothing to do with your grandchild and don't care about the relationship with that family then call the police by all means.

Stay calm, talk to your son.

I assume when the girlfriends mum rang she apologised for the punch?

If the the pregnancy goes ahead this man will be your grandchild’S grandfather. You need to establish of this was a one off emotional reaction - wrong of course - or a pattern of violence. Will your son be safe to visit, is the pregnant girlfriend safe? Talk to her too.

I would be visiting them today to see exactly what the situation is and to be clear violence is unacceptable.

Photograph the imjury and then persuade your son tomorrow to call the police

Physical assault should never be condoned.
Is the OP entitled to punch the girl for her son's finances being damaged for the next 18+ years ?
Or her son entitled to punch her ?
Of course not

You need to establish the future ground rules for the safety of your son, your potential DGC and the gf:
Physical assault will always be reported to the police

This was consensual sex
which has the potential to ruin both their lives
However, that must be talked through, without further violence

and no, neither child should give up or shorten their education as "punishment":

If the gf chooses to keep the baby, then both should still be encouraged and supported by their parents to complete their planned education, including uni or apprenticeships etc

And bloody hell obviously it's not an ideal situation but a teen pregnancy isn't the end of the world their are options and if they decide to have the baby it would be of course hard but ,it happens there is support

Not right to lash out.

But.

I can't see how going to the police will help anything.

The girl's father lost the moral high ground when he hit your son, but going forward if the girl keeps the baby your son is going to be a Dad himself and aggravating the situation further by involving the police is surely not going to help.

Tell your son the father was wrong but he was seeing all his hopes and dreams for his daughter disappearing in an instant and he lost control.

Support your son in 'manning up' and facing the situation he is now in.

It worries me that people justify it by saying feelings were running high. Should my dp have punched me when I told him I was pregnant, because, you know, he was shocked?

I'm worried about the pregnant lady. With that influence about. And that the mum called and not the dad to apologise. I've been extremely stressed and cross many times but I've not punched anyone.

I actually feel a bit sick how it's 2019 and we're justifying this sort of crap. It's not okay!

Onlyjoinedforthisthread
Juelles the gf is 17 read the bloody thread before spouting off

I did read the thread, but missed one post.

I'll spout off if I want to. 😂

I absolutely agree with @bigchalkfrenzy

Two different issues - both need dealing with. GF's mother basically inferred more violence so this needs to be dealt with for the sake of your son.

Had you assaulted the girlfriend you can bet you would have the police at your door this morning.

The fact that the gf's mother says he is lucky he didn't get more
makes it even more important to establish for the future that they cannot get away with physically assaulting your son

That's especially if the Gf chooses not to have an abortion and your son wishes to maintain regular contact with his child.
You don't want him to be assaulted whenever her violent parents feel he deserves it in the future.

Normally, I wouldn't hesitate to report anyone for violence, but pragmatically I think you need to speak to your son first and see what he wants to do. He's the victim and it should be his choice.

There are some big decisions to be made and it will be a lot easier for your son and his girlfriend to make the right decisions if everyone can keep their emotions in check and act in an adult manner. Reporting the GF's father won't be conducive to that and could make things worse.

I'd speak to your son and make sure he knows you will support him in whatever course of action he wants to take, and try to get a similar message across to his girlfriend. If the GF's family have calmed down, it would be great if you could all discuss the next steps together.

Mind you, I'd also be making it very clear to the GF's father that he is lucky the police aren't knocking at his door this morning! Although I'm not convinced that they would do anything more than caution him.

I guess if you want nothing to do with your grandchild and don't care about the relationship with that family then call the police by all means

Chilling. If he hits him again?

I don’t see the reasoning that because there’s a big issue (pregnancy), the smaller issue (the punch) shouldn’t be anything to bother about.

I don’t think calling the police is necessarily going to help the situation. The son and his gf need to get together to talk about what she wants to do. Nobody should be putting pressure on her to terminate. She needs impartial counselling to help her decide.

Of course the assault isn't justified but the reason why it happened is explained.

I just think your son needs to be pragmatic here.

What long term outcome does he want? To have influence over what happens next? To have an active involvement in the baby's life? To have good relationships with the girlfriends family?

If the father is known to be generally violent then the police might be a great idea, and might encourage GF to leave home and live with you.

People are confusing something being ikkeagal/morally wrong and something being concerning long term. Possibly no one did anything wrong to get pregnant (consensual sex, contraception failure etc) But it's very very obviously more of a long-term problem than your son being punched (which was morally and legally wrong). There is literally no question about this. The pregnancy might affect the rest of both of their lives and the life of the potential child. The punch was wrong but will have no long term affects at all.