Am I the only one who thinks this assault is not ok

[BuffetTHEvampireSLAYER]

I am absolutely fuming.

DS 17 was on a night out and returned with a bruise on his face, when I questioned it he said he was messing around with his friends and he went to bed.

I have since had a phone call from his girlfriends mother who informed me that her daughter is pregnant and her husband punched my DS and she told me that he's lucky thats all he got

I woke DS up and he told me that everything's ok and I have to stay out of it.

I am obviously shocked if his gf is pregnant but i'm more worried about the assault that has occurred

What should I do

I'm not condoning what happened but the man just found out his daughter is pregnant so he took it out on the one person who made her pregnant. I wouldn't call the police as it will just rock the boat further. Let things calm down then arrange a meeting with everyone to see what the plan is regarding the pregnancy.

Character building?!?!

I think you all need to sleep on it. Has DS only just found out himself? He may need a bit of space to process it all first.

You need to discuss the situation with him. Were they using contraception? Was it planned? How many weeks? Have they thought of their options and what each option would mean for them as a couple or if they split.

I agree GF’s dad should not have hit your DS and there is no excusing what he did. Does he have form for aggression or violence? It certainly sounds like he has trouble controlling and expressing his emotions.

Regarding the police. I would make a note of what happened, where and when and take a photograph of DS’s face in case he does wish to report later. Hopefully her dad will calm down and you can all get together and discuss the situation. Find out what DS’s GF wants to do and offer your support to them both whatever the decision.

I certainly don't think it's ok but its entirely up to him if he wants to call the police.

Calm (as possible) chat in the morning. You don't know what else has been said to either DS or GF.

How sure is he it's his?
Does she want it?
Are you in a position to offer financial support?
I assume you want him to complete his education, leaving for a MW deadend job is bonkers if it can be avoided.

Lots of questions and not many answers.

You're over reacting. A bruise on his face is nothing compared to the pasting her vag will get in a few months

What an utterly crass comment.

Assault is assault. He should be reported.
As for your comment - it's pathetic. No place for it here.

There's a police campaign just now about how one punch can ruin a life--including causing death.

It can under extreme circumstances, much like driving a car can be life-ruining causing death. Of course your son’s gf’s further was totally wrong but there’s nothing to be gained from catastrophising.

I’d be furious with the gf’s father but your ds is 17 not 7 so I’d look to support him in how he wanted to deal with this than going straight to the police of my own accord which is only likely to complicate matters greatly and be unlikely to make things any better.

I would respect your son's wishes. He has asked you to leave it to him.

He and his girlfriend are going to need an adult they can talk to and trust - her father doesn't seem to be an emotionally mature adult - make sure they know you're there for them.

Calling the police will cause damage to your relationship with your son, potential grandchild's mother and her family plus as your son doesn't want to prosecute won't go anywhere any way.

You don't have to be happy about it but your focus should be on supporting your son and his girlfriend.

dumdumdumda

Chill, and just remember according to you ladies it is not a child yet. Complaining about bad language, then using bad language

To be fair, I'd want to punch him myself for being so fucking stupid. (have never laid a finger an any of them before btw)

The decision on what to do about this is your sons, not yours. He's the one who's decided he's grown up enough to be a father.

Have we fallen down a worm hole into the 1950s?! What is all this 'got her pregnant' bollocks as if she had no part to play? Presumably they have both fucked up and not used protection. If he deserves a punch then she does too. Or perhaps people shouldn't act like animals and go round assaulting each other.

I would make it clear to your ds that girlfriend's father was way out of line and you'd support him if he wanted to report him for assault. He needs to know that violence is unacceptable and he didn't deserve to be assaulted.

I'd also be shitting myself about him being potentially tied to that violence arse hole for life.

Then I guess you need to speak to him about the pregnancy and see how his girlfriend is.

If she decides to continue with the pregnancy, does your son want to be involved with the child beyond paying money for the next 18 years?

Getting the grandfather arrested won't help him achieve that aim.

As far as I'm concerned, at least one life has been potentially ruined now. But how you react could help the two kids involved make the best decisions they can - her, whether to continue with it, him, whether to support whatever decision she makes and whether to step up and do his best, whatever that ends up meaning, or to abandon both her and possibly, your future grandchild.

It's not easy, but calmness is the best option.

@Walkingdeadfangirl are you actually ok ???

Good for him ? A grown man assaulting a child for having consensual sex with a girlfriend ??
Your attitude is vile

or to abandon both her and possibly, your future grandchild.

I’m not sure how that could ever be a ‘best decision’!

There are some awful attitudes on this thread, some of you are disgusting

And why is it always the lad who gets the blame ?
"Got her pregnant " yeah he did that all by himself

Presumably they have both fucked up and not used protection
She had an equal part to play and they were BOTH responsible for using protection

I have boys. They know that no matter what protection a girl uses or SAYS she uses, it is up to them to ALWAYS respect themselves and the person they are with by protecting themselves regardless. So yeah, both screwed up, and both have been stupid. but I'm way more concerned with MY child and their stupidity. He could have prevented this and did not.

If they keep the baby then this man will be in your sons life indefinitely.
To me that's even more reason to set down ground rules about what is and what is not acceptable behaviour right from the beginning.
If he gets away with it once what's to stop him doing it again next time he sees your son or on your grandchilds birthday or anytime he gets angry.

From right now i would show them That you support your son, you have a good relationship with him, your son can not be abused, manipulated or taken advantage off.
I would report it and explain to my son the reason why. I would tell him that the dad needs to learn that physical violence is not ok and wont be accepted.

*If she decides to continue with the pregnancy, does your son want to be involved with the child beyond paying money for the next 18 years?

Getting the grandfather arrested won't help him achieve that aim.*

Yup.

Your son could potentially have 18 years plus of navigating weekly access, birthday parties, Christmases and parents evenings with his GF and her close family.

Reporting her dad against DS’s wishes would torpedo any chance of a cordial relationship in the short term, and will make an already stressful situation worse.

I’d be marching round and asking what he thought he was playing at putting his hands on my son, but bringing the police into it won’t help anyone.

crikey OP I hope the girlfriend is okay too.

To be fair he's lucky he just got punched

You really need to wait and talk to your son first. Doing what you think is right could potentially mean spending years in court to see his child. Yes it's nice to make a point, and set an example of what won't be tolerated, but you need to proceed with caution. Don't make the situation more difficult.

sonlypuppyfat when you had your children, did your father come around and give your DH a beating? If not, why is it ok for this man to do it to a child?

And people talking about not involving the police “in case it torpedoes the relationship with the in-laws” - that ship would have sailed for me when the in-laws assaulted my child.