Am I the only one who thinks this assault is not ok

[BuffetTHEvampireSLAYER]

I am absolutely fuming.

DS 17 was on a night out and returned with a bruise on his face, when I questioned it he said he was messing around with his friends and he went to bed.

I have since had a phone call from his girlfriends mother who informed me that her daughter is pregnant and her husband punched my DS and she told me that he's lucky thats all he got

I woke DS up and he told me that everything's ok and I have to stay out of it.

I am obviously shocked if his gf is pregnant but i'm more worried about the assault that has occurred

What should I do

Again with the justification for the punch. So if my DD is a gobby little watsit i can punch her? Because she is provoking me? If my partner pushes the wrong buttons i can lamp him? He provoked me officer 🙄

Let’s be realistic here, if you report the assault what actual outcome are you expecting, OP? I think they’ll probably view it as a minor domestic incident and the man will walk away with a caution at most and with even more rancour toward your son. No, in an ideal world he shouldn’t get away with violence and I get the whole ‘zero tolerance’ ethos but, back in the real world, your son is going to find it difficult enough to negotiate the next few months through the pregnancy and deciding with his gf what they are going to do once the baby is born. Alienating the prospective grandfather even further by having him arrested and charged for a momentary loss of control when emotions were running high isn’t going to help matters is it?

No, you don’t have to condone the violence but you can make your feelings about that known without escalating it, make clear it was unacceptable behavior and any repeat will result in police involvement. I’d wait until everyone has calmed down and had a chance to come to terms with the massive life-changes these two young people are going to be facing, then maybe you can arrange a meeting so you can all discuss how best to proceed from there.

Not justifying. Looking at how it might happen even if someone wasn't a naturally violent person. If you see a loved one's life going down the drain you might lose the run of yourself. And yes I know there will be women on this thread who've had babies at seventeen and it's all turned out well, but all I'd be able to see is that my daughter would never be able to have the happy carefree years that I enjoyed in my teens and twenties :( It's a hugely stressful event in most families.

Regardless of how you phrase it you are shrugging off a loss of control. What happens if emotions run high when the baby has been screaming for 3 hours & everyone is stressed? Would a loss of control be shrugged off then? Doubtful

Very few people will suddenly punch someone else out of the blue, with no provocation. Teenagers and their arsey attitudes can drive the most reasonable person to extremes.

See, I'm still not seeing a justification for the punch here...

Very few people will suddenly punch someone else out of the blue, with no provocation. Teenagers and their arsey attitudes can drive the most reasonable person to extremes.

Aye... they almost 'make' you do it don't they?
I can picture this conversation between two blokes in a pub about a woman, and the (rightful) abject disdain they'd receive.

There is no justification for the punch.

OP- what is the plan for the baby?

Very few people will suddenly punch someone else out of the blue, with no provocation. Teenagers and their arsey attitudes can drive the most reasonable person to extremes.

Yes very few people will do that. Very few people will punch someone even with provocation. Provocation is not a justification for domestic violence.

I also don't understand why people are saying this is a momentary loss of control. If the OP's DS is built like Mike Tyson, then yes, it probably is a momentary loss of control, if he isn't and the old fella calculated he could beat him in a punch up, then it's nothing like a loss of control.

First: I’m shrugging off nothing just being realistic about the likely outcome here.

Second: we can play the ‘what happens if ’ game all day long but what are you suggesting happen to this man to prevent/deter him from potentially losing his rag and maybe bashing the screaming baby down the line?

Unless he’s got a record for violent assault, domestic abuse and is on probation for successive sentences for same, he’s getting a warning for punching OP’s son. The cops are not going to bar him from his family home and prevent him from seeing his dd and gc let alone lock him up and throw away the key until gc is 18 no matter how many mners scream ‘zero tolerance’ for violence.

What a mess.

I honestly don't know what I would do in this situation.

To be honest, if the girls mother had called me and said that my son being punched was "lucky" that he wasn't harmed further, I'd probably want to go round there and punch her in the face and then call her lucky. Or send my husband round to kick ten bells out of the man who assaulted my son. That, of course, wouldn't be advisable.

I totally understand why you want to report this to the police, and you have every right to do so.

However, it's difficult, as you may be stuck with these awful people for a very long time.

I wish you all the best of luck in resolving this amicably. I doubt it will be easy.

When my friends teenager started going out with a lad that had previously got a girl pregnant. I said to my mate "watch it, she will end up pregnant too"
She did of course end up pregnant and i could have quite happily punched that lad, and it wasn't even my kid.

Kids do have sex at that age. Both of them are responsible, although in my experience it's certainly not girls who want to do it condomless, even if they agree to it, and your son could very easily walk away from this and that other family will be bringing up baby. Im not surprised the girls dad lost his temper with your careless shit of a boy. Go on. Call the police. Fuck their lives up a bit more.

OP disappeared 320 posts ago. (1:46am this morning)

Im not surprised the girls dad lost his temper with your careless shit of a boy.

What if he’d lost it with his careless daughter?

Im not surprised the girls dad lost his temper with your careless shit of a boy.

And you expect to have any credibility with that comment?

I think if he punched his daughter that would be massively different.

I don't see two men having a fight as being equivalent to a father bearing his pregnant daughter, do you?

*beating

I don't see two men having a fight as being equivalent to a father bearing his pregnant daughter, do you?

So violence towards an innocent person is ok, depending on their sex?

And you've deemed the boy to be a 'careless shit' how?
You do womanhood a disservice. Girls know how to have safe sex just as much as boys do. They also know that sometimes, birth control can fail.
'Careless shit' is how you refer to people is it? Not particular edifying or helpful.

Do You think power and size dynamics are irrelevant?

Torn from the inside. I think you don't live in the real world. Although i am obviously devastated to have"lost credibility" with you, and that you feel i do womanhood a disservice. Yes i do think that a man slapping the boy that got his teenage daughter pregnant is different to a man beating his pregnant daughter.

I also think that anyone advising people to go to police over this rather than attempting to smooth over the situation to achieve best outcome for the teenagers concerned and possible baby, are being really ireepsonsible in a very sensitive and delicate situation

If the OPs son is a careless shit then so is his girlfriend. Perhaps she deserves a punch too, might knock some sense into her aye?

Yes i do think that a man slapping the boy that got his teenage daughter pregnant is different to a man beating his pregnant daughter.

See how you manipulate language to try and divert attention from the reality. 'Slap' the boy, 'beat' the pregnant girl.

There is no escaping that violence against a man or a woman is equally wrong. Wrap it in whatever guise you like, modify your language to be persuasive, but both are equally wrong.

Why is it ‘slapping’ the man but ‘beating’ the woman? Not that either is ok, but you’re choosing the severity of the words based on the sex.

Even if he’d ‘just’ shoved his daughter, or even yelled, I’d imagine you’d see it as much more severe than punching a male.

It’s also not the case (that we know) that they were both fighting. As far as we know, he punched a 17 year old. There’s nothing to indicate the son fought first, or fought back.

Both the son and gf were ‘careless shits’. The fact that it’s her who will give birth doesn’t make her any less responsible for getting pregnant.

Incidentally the boy didn't get her pregnant. She became pregnant through sex with the boy. He didn't do it alone.

. Yes i do think that a man slapping the boy that got his teenage daughter pregnant is different to a man beating his pregnant daughter

It was a punch. Different, yes, OK no.

I also think that anyone advising people to go to police over this rather than attempting to smooth over the situation..... are being really ireepsonsible in a very sensitive and delicate situation

How can this be smoothed over? A girl is pregnant and her bf has been punched by her dad. This is way beyond 'smoothing over". It would be insensitive, irresponsible and inappropriate to smooth this over.