Am I the only one who thinks this assault is not ok

[BuffetTHEvampireSLAYER]

I am absolutely fuming.

DS 17 was on a night out and returned with a bruise on his face, when I questioned it he said he was messing around with his friends and he went to bed.

I have since had a phone call from his girlfriends mother who informed me that her daughter is pregnant and her husband punched my DS and she told me that he's lucky thats all he got

I woke DS up and he told me that everything's ok and I have to stay out of it.

I am obviously shocked if his gf is pregnant but i'm more worried about the assault that has occurred

What should I do

*Mother concerned about own child.

Stop the press. This is big news.*

I’m guessing it’s wrong to be concerned as he’s male purpledaisies.

What an unbelievable thread.

No it is not a safeguarding issue if he has not been violent to anyone else.

Lots of people have actual convictions for assault and have children living with them. I think a lot of people don't really understand what safeguarding actually is.

If a lot of people don't understand what safeguarding is, I think you're right in there with them.

An adult punched a minor. According to my safeguarding training, if somebody discloses this to me I have to report it. What SS do with it once I've reported it is none of my business and not my responsibility, but the very fact that it is an incident I must report makes it a safeguarding issue.

Punching someone - anyone - is illegal. Having sex and a baby at 17/18 is not. It's not ideal, but it happens and yes the girl's life is not going to be easy, but there are options.

The boy, however, can now walk away from the whole mess, because who's to say he won't get punched a few more times? Better for him to just never see the GF again, yes?

Hope everything gets sorted out and that DS and his GF have support

chakira I understand you are mandated to report it. I also understand what will actually happen with that report.

I am obviously shocked if his gf is pregnant but i'm more worried about the assault that has occurred

I'm not condoning or excusing the assault, but you should actually be more concerned about the pregnancy.
Bruises fade, Pregnancy doesn't

“Mother concerned about own child.

Stop the press. This is big news.*

Of course she should be concerned about him being hit. She should also be concerned about him becoming a father. It is possible to be concerned about both. And the people suggesting that e should use the blow as an excuse to walk away from the situation should be ashamed of themselves.

Willow That was not my point. My point was that if OP reports it to the police and the son continues to lie and say he was not hit, then the police will at best dismiss it, and at worst be angry with OP for wasting police time. The assault is for the son to report, nobody else. The OP is not even a witness to the assault.

And I see the update that the son has told OP to stay out of it.

And Mumsnet is wierd about older teenagers. They are adults when it comes to having sex and going out but suddenly minors when it comes to not being allowed to decide whether to report an incident to the police or not.

Being punched is unacceptable and op is right to be concerned about this in the very immediate future. Is he likely to do it again. Is he likely to do it to his dd? Potential dgc?

Don't call the police.

BertrandRussellTotally agree. With issues like this so many Mners seem to treat their nearly adults like little kids.

I don't think the assault matters if he is 17 or 47. He can make his own choices, yes, but so can any member of the public including his mother. If you witness, or know of an assault taking place - it's personal matter for YOU to report it (or not).

Reporting an assault has consequences. Not reporting it has consequences.

TornFromTheInside The OP is not a witness. The GFs mother told her about it, her own son lied and said something else. Reporting it in this type of situation is a recipe for disaster.

The OP hasn't been back to give an update but I think whether to report or not depends on a few factors:

1. Does the DS want to report? (the most important one IMO)
2. Is this a normal behaviour from this man, or out of character? Is he now remorseful and apologetic about it, or is he continuing to issue threats of further violence?
3. What does the GF want? Is she scared of her dad, does she need time away from her family home, has the relationship between the two young people been ruined by this pregnancy and punch, will it become worse or better if this crime is reported?

I'm inclined to agree with those who say that the fact that the DS may be involved with this family for the rest of his life may be a reason to set a very strong boundary here; whether that is a report to the police or an assurance that if no apology and reform is forthcoming any future violence will definitely be reported, is really down to the victim of the crime IMO.

More generally it's disturbing that people are defending domestic violence by pointing to the fact that feelings are running high and it's an out of the ordinary situation. That's exactly the excuse domestic abusers always give; nothing unusual there.

@Fcukthisshit Can't believe you seem to be the only other person who has picked up on that the mum has only heard one side of the story. Maybe the son doesn't want to pursue it as something else was said or done by him at the time.

“If you witness, or know of an assault taking place - it's personal matter for YOU to report it (or not). ”
Agreed. But if the OP reports this incident against her son’s wishes, it is bound to make a crap situation worse. Apart from anything else, it’ll probably make him feel he can’t trust her at a time when he really needs her support.

Yes BertrandRussell, totally agree. The OP's priority must be how to support her son (and his gf) and she may cut herself off from doing that effectively if she reports the assault against his wishes.

It's definitely possible that the son hit him too. I have a 17 year old and if he was hit by someone his size then he'd probably hit back.

Of course violence is unacceptable. But you only have your son's side of what happened and he's already lied to you.

You should be more concerned about the pregnancy tbh. Is he sure she's actually pregnant, that he's the father and what do they want to do about it?

The OP has been back to say her son has told OP to keep out of it.

But if the OP reports this incident against her son’s wishes, it is bound to make a crap situation worse. Apart from anything else, it’ll probably make him feel he can’t trust her at a time when he really needs her support

Agreed.

And Mumsnet is wierd about older teenagers. They are adults when it comes to having sex and going out but suddenly minors when it comes to not being allowed to decide whether to report an incident to the police or not.

But it is a weird twighlight zone where they are not yet adults but no longer children.

Safeguarding protects all under 18 but it is true that it is unlikely to be acted upon for those between 16 and 18.

Not all 17 year olds are equal. Some 17 year olds are more mature and more sensible than some 34 year olds in some respects and yet still 'children' in others.

The reason I think that this might potentially be a safeguarding issue is that the adult had no issue in hitting an under 18 year old and there will be, at some point in the not too distant future, a baby in the house. Added to that, as a pregnant 17 year old, his daughter is also vulnerable.

And, as in all safeguarding issues, the bottom line is that no one indivdual knows the whole picture. Safeguarding is a jigsaw and each concern adds a piece to the puzzle.

Children aren't necessarily considered a safeguarding risk if they go to school occaisonally without having had breakfast or their school uniform is often dirty but it might be part of a bigger picture. Which is why things are reported to the designated safeguarding person in schools. Because it's not for the individual adult who is holding one piece of the puzzle to decide what the entire picture is.

There are some fucked up comments on this post. Reverse things for a second; OPs son's girlfriend rocks in & tells them she is pregnant. OP's son/partner/uncle (pick a male relative) goes ballistic & punches her in the face. Oh but it's okay she is lucky that is all she got. Really?!

It is never okay to bloody punch somebody because you cannot control your damn temper. They are both adults, they are BOTH responsible for the fact there is now a pregnancy. I hope the father hasn't decided his daughter needs a clump as well.

OP whilst I personally think the thug needs reporting you have to go with your son. That said, I would be round that dickhead's house today warning him he ever lays a finger on your son again he will lose a lot more than said finger. End of the day the pregnancy isn't anything any other person can control, that is the decision to be made by your son & his girlfriend (hopefully together). Good luck!