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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’ve done something very stupid (work related)

224 replies

NewYearsSleeve · 05/01/2019 23:59

I work for a small business from my employers home office & I hate it. I’ve been working with a recruitment agency for a while trying to find something different. The agency sent my CV to another small business with my agreement but I’ve just found out the owner of the other business is friends with my boss. I’ve got an angry message from my boss asking me what I’m doing looking for another job as she thought we were friends and telling me not to expect a reference. WIBU not to go in on Monday? My boss can be intimidating & bullies people. (One of the reasons I hate working for her).

OP posts:
Housingcraze · 08/01/2019 14:19

Glandular fever is horrific

cheeseypuff · 08/01/2019 14:52

Sorry that you've lost your job over this OP - but it does sound like it will be a cloud that has a silver lining - your old boss has behaved despicably & unprofessionally.

You cannot be sacked for looking for another job so don't feel like you have done anything wrong. Make sure she pays you any salary & holiday pay you're due, provides a payslip & P45. Also she cannot simply make up lies to give you a bad reference. References must be truthful & based on facts. Taking time off for sick leave is perfectly reasonable and any good employer will understand this.

Make looking for a new job your "new job" & definitely look into temping work through one or more agencies - our company has employed several temporary staff who have been offered a permanent position further down the line, so it could be a foot in the door. Fingers crossed it was just the push you needed to find a great job somewhere else. Good luck.

Spudsandspanners · 08/01/2019 15:03

Sorry this has happened to you OP. Your (ex) boss sounds incredibly unstable and I think the best approach is going to an agency and getting some temp work while looking for something more permanent. You can be honest with your agency/new employer. Just tell them that your last employer were a small company, you were the only employee, and that they were incredibly unprofessional and abusive and it's unlikely you will get a reference, but you have other references from previous employment that you can provide. I think most employers understand that not all employers out there are professional and people get bullied by their bosses. Most of us have experienced it at some point in our lives, and have been forced to endure the bullying before finding something else.

I don't think it's worth your time and energy raising the GDPR issue or going to ACAS, as you've been through enough already without dragging it out. I would just concentrate on moving forward.

Best of luck with finding a new role. When you find something new, you will wonder why you've stayed so long.

Br1256 · 08/01/2019 15:10

Not really very clear whether you have been sacked for applying for another job....in which case this is unfair dismissal and you could be entitled to compensation and possibly benefits while u look for a new job

On the other hand if you just failed to go in your position is very different. You could turn up for work, saying the whole thing had stressed you out but u were now over it and so u would like to get back to work. I do know how terrifying this can be after months of bullying from a new boss I walked away with nothing unlike a couple of more sauvy colleagues who did very nicely by working the system

Good luck Jane

Amummyatlast · 08/01/2019 18:04

Not really very clear whether you have been sacked for applying for another job....in which case this is unfair dismissal and you could be entitled to compensation and possibly benefits while u look for a new job

You can’t claim unfair dismissal if you have worked for your employer for less than two years, and if there is no automatic unfair reason for dismissal such as pregnancy.

Palegreenstars · 08/01/2019 18:24

I know they are a small business but do leave an honest glassdoor review when you can

poppiesallykatie · 09/01/2019 00:25

I think people overestimate the power of references. Don't put someone down as a reference if you feel it will be bad. Put references on request on your cv. If they request 2 references, ask your previous employer before her to give you one; and ask someone you know who is good at it; has a related company, a friend, a relative etc. to say you did some freelance work for them and hey presto. If you were coming straight out of college for a job, who the hell would your references be. It is so not important in comparison to doing a good interview and being chosen. Anyone can give a reference.

I would not let the data breach go though. That would fuck me right off. Do you mind me asking what kind of employment this is?

poppiesallykatie · 09/01/2019 00:29

and yes as @Palegreenstars said do leave an honest glassdoor review when you can

because those ratings add up and put me off applying for a job I was suited for in a niche area.

OP, stand up for yourself, you will feel better for it and will have a better appreciation of what is not acceptable in any job for the future

Original poster
NewYearsSleeve · 09/01/2019 02:26

The job is in financial services. I’ve been offered an interview Thursday morning at a really reputable company. Fingers crossed. Thanks to all of your brilliant advice I’m not flapping too much over lack of reference. I’m just going to try and make a good impression.

OP posts:
Grannyannex · 09/01/2019 02:38

Well done. Just be honest about things. As long as you're factual it will be fine.

PoutySprout · 09/01/2019 07:13

Really important to be completely honest. Financial services companies are usually very rigorous in their background checks.

RebootYourEngine · 09/01/2019 07:31

Good luck for Thursday

Original poster
NewYearsSleeve · 09/01/2019 11:41

PoutySprout I know that’s what I’m worried about. But hopefully being honest, other good references from previous employers & I can provide payslips/ bank statements that I did work for the company in the role I’ve said I worked.

OP posts:
theredjellybean · 09/01/2019 11:49

Good luck op
Be absolutely honest matter of fact explaination at your interview.
Just say you were looking for a new job as old one was not stretching you, had limited career progression and not much support for development. Your cv got sent to a potential employer who shared this with your current employer who then terminated your contract.
You can say that you felt this was unprofessional but you have reflected on events and feel it has given you the motivation to seek a better employer and a position in which you can develop your skill set and hopefully be an asset to the company.

Do not say anything about ex employer being nasty or a bully or you didn't like it...

theredjellybean · 09/01/2019 11:52

I often sit on interview panels and work for big organisation. We love people who want to come in, do the job but also enthusiastic to develop. It means if we invest in them and their career we get a better skilled work force.
Anyone who mentions being bullied or not getting on with old boss etc raises a red flag... Sorry op, I know that sounds unfair but the interviewer only gets your side of the story... I'd employ anyone who was honest about a situation but appeared to have drawn a line and was looking forward not back.

Original poster
NewYearsSleeve · 09/01/2019 12:47

theredjellybean it’s great to have your input. Thanks so much. I really want and need this job and seeing how you positioned it is much slicker that what my answer would have been. I don’t want to raise any red flags, but I need to explain my work situation because they will expect a reference and won’t be getting one from my current employer. I guess that’s a red flag in itself.

Luckily I’ve had a really nice reply to an email from my old boss saying he is happy for me to pass his details on and he would sing my praises to prospective employers.

OP posts:
Augusta2012 · 09/01/2019 13:17

Agh! Gutted I didn’t get to give you this advice before it all kicked off. I know someone something similar happened to. The absolute 100% failsafe way to get out of this sort of thing with a small business is to tell them that you are intending to begin TTC and that you were doing it as a favour to them because you knew maternity pay would hammer their business. Works a charm, you’d walk out the door with a glowing reference. Just leaving this here so anybody who might find this thread having similar issues in the future finds it.

Augusta2012 · 09/01/2019 13:18

Small businesses are notorious for being terrified of staff on mat leave.

PattiStanger · 09/01/2019 13:56

How can you say that Augusta? Just because you know one person it worked for does not make it a 100% failsafe anything. I don't quite understand how it relates to the OP's problem but in general lying to employers is very unlikley to be the best course of action.

OllyBJolly · 09/01/2019 14:54

Gutted I didn’t get to give you this advice before it all kicked off

I'm glad you didn't - it's utter tripe.

PoutySprout · 09/01/2019 17:28

But hopefully being honest,

That’s absolutely the right thing to do. I had to fire someone who had been dismissed but said they had been made redundant. It was the lie that did it in for him. (Actually, I paused long enough during the meeting for him to resign rather than have another dismissal. He was very good at his job and 2 dismissals would have scuppered him. The company just couldn’t accept people that lied as it was too risky.)

MissingGeorgeMichael · 09/01/2019 18:04

Do you use LinkedIn OP? That is a good way to find work. An acquaintance of mine simply posted about looking for work, her parameters for what she could do and she has some offer almost straight away.

Glovebug · 10/01/2019 00:01

DH had a similar issue where he was forced out of a job very suddenly. He approached a recruitment agency and was honest with them. They were very reassuring and talked him through how to handle talking about it with prospective employers.

We were surprised that it wasn't actually as big an issue with employers as we thought it would be and he is now (for the past 3 years) in a great job in his chosen field.

Just be honest and see if your recruitment agency can give you any advice.

Apparently it is something that happens more than you'd think

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides · 10/01/2019 02:23

And Swansea is such a lovely place :( so sorry you had to find the town bellend.

Get a can of spray paint and spray 'cachu bant' on her front door.

Ahem.

Or not. But what a cunt.

IAmNotAWitch · 10/01/2019 03:08

Yep, be honest in the clearest most unemotional manner possible.

I have previously hired people who left their last positions in unhappy/unpleasant circumstances if they have been honest as far as is appropriate.

What I haven't done is hired someone who spun me a line and then it came out when I went looking at/for references.

I value honesty and integrity. Sometimes things don't work out/people don't get on or behave unreasonably. It happens and should not mean that a person can never get a job again in a different situation.

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