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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’ve done something very stupid (work related)

224 replies

NewYearsSleeve · 05/01/2019 23:59

I work for a small business from my employers home office & I hate it. I’ve been working with a recruitment agency for a while trying to find something different. The agency sent my CV to another small business with my agreement but I’ve just found out the owner of the other business is friends with my boss. I’ve got an angry message from my boss asking me what I’m doing looking for another job as she thought we were friends and telling me not to expect a reference. WIBU not to go in on Monday? My boss can be intimidating & bullies people. (One of the reasons I hate working for her).

OP posts:
flowery · 07/01/2019 18:48

Quite worrying that a “recruitment manager” thinks it is illegal not to give a reference.

PoutySprout · 07/01/2019 18:50

Additionally it’s illegal to refuse to give a reference

Which law covers that then?

Rachand23 · 07/01/2019 18:53

Don’t leave your job, if she is violent to you call the police. This way you can go to the dole off and sign on immediately. If you leave of your own accord you won’t get anything for about 6 months. If she is ok with you and you can put up with her keep looking for a job.

PoutySprout · 07/01/2019 18:54

Catch up Rach - things have moved on.

waywardfruit · 07/01/2019 19:03

All companies must have some sort of HR
Not really, no. A very small business will be run solely by the proprietor. They might outsource the wages to another person (sometimes a small accounting firm) to print payslips and do the PAYE etc and do the returns to HMRC but that will be it.

ToftyAC · 07/01/2019 19:19

OP - I feel for you as I’ve been in a similar situation and when I was the sole family earner. Your husband is behind you so that’s a great starting point. Definitely take it up with the recruitment agency. I know how worried you most likely are, but you will find something soon and hopefully for a proper company who know how to treat their staff. Wishing you the best of luck - just remember that you did not deserve this terrible treatment and you’ve had a lucky escape.

Dizzylin · 07/01/2019 19:41

No advice, just wanted to say I left a job with no reference many years ago. I did get another job with a lovely company who knew how to treat their staff and who helped me gain my confidence back.

Everything will be ok, this could turn out to be one of the best things that's happened for you work wise. Good luck Flowers

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 07/01/2019 19:45

You did nothing wrong. The agency did nothing wrong. Whoever told your boss is the one in the wrong.

SeaGreenSeaGlass · 07/01/2019 19:52

What a horrible person you used to work for. Did you manage to get your belongings from the office? If she only dabbled you verbally, I wonder if it might be best to get it in writing. I do hope you get your wages and notice period paid.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 07/01/2019 19:53

Anyone who saw & heard her screaming at you in the street would think very badly of her, not you, so don't worry about that.

OurChristmasMiracle · 07/01/2019 19:58

I would actually think the potential employer has breeches confidentiality by releasing your name to your current employer. I would be contacting the recruiter and ask their policy

Honeyroar · 07/01/2019 19:59

I hope that the recruitment agency reject the company that told your boss that you were looking for a new job, and I hope that the agency make a big effort to help you find a new job and explain to future potential employees why you haven't got a reference. I know it doesn't help at the moment, but I'm glad you're away from there. Nobody should be sworn at or have things thrown at them.

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 07/01/2019 20:02

Definitely ring ACAS for advice.

i don’t see how there is a GDPR breach by potential employer as none of your information was breached, only the fact that you had applied for a job. The agency haven’t breached anything as you asked them to pass your details to potential new employers.

Not every business has a HR department. I’m a one man band business, one employee. I am the HR department.

WellBHoise · 07/01/2019 20:05

Sorry that happened but take it as a fresh start and in a few days your mental health will have improved and you will see it is a good thing, especially if your DH wanted you to quit.

You’ve had some good advice about them giving you a reference just dates and the accountant confirming dates. If they ask why no reference you can state simply that it was a single home office situation where you were sworn at and fired when they found you looked for another job.

I hope they struggle without you and he next person quits immediately.

londonrach · 07/01/2019 20:24

Op...leave the bully but dont jump to next bully. Be careful here. Lots of great advice...listen and look after yourself x

Passenger42 · 07/01/2019 21:09

You cannot claim unfair dismissal but you are entitled to pay in lieu of notice if your employer is dismissing you. If she fails to pay you under the notice terms of your contract your can bring a case against her for unpaid notice salary entitlement.

Email her for clarity of your employment status as you have not resigned and therefore you wish to be paid your contractual notice if she is bringing the contract to an end and you want her reason in writing for terminating your employment.

Don’t allow her to rip you off your wages as it’s her who has ended the contract not you.

Figgygal · 07/01/2019 21:16

Absolutely what passenger just said

No unfair dismissal rights but she still has a contractual obligation to pay your notice. She might argue that you've committed gross misconduct and so it's instant dismissal with no notice due in which case you would need to pursue a breach of contract claim and that might all be more worry and effort than it's worth.

What's temping market like where you live?

WellBHoise · 07/01/2019 21:23

OP, passenger makes a really good point. Do you have a contract and notice period?

yesiamgoingtoeatthat · 07/01/2019 21:25

I'm jumping in to agree with the last PP's - you are owed a notice period, don't let her get away with that. Definitely contact ACAS for support there, and possibly the CAB.
I would definitely lean on the recruitment agency to prioritise you, they have out you in a really awkward position.
If you have any evidence of poor behaviour on your employer's part, make sure you keep it. She sounds awful and you're well shot of her. Good luck x

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 07/01/2019 21:26

You can't go back. Sick note and complain to the recruiter. Both bosses sound horrible. I'm sure the boss who told your current boss has broken some kind of confidentiality law or something in telling your current boss. Try to get the recruiter to get you something for after the sick note ends. You can always use a previous employer for a reference and just tell the truth as to there being no reference from that job.

BlitheringIdiots · 07/01/2019 21:27

You've been sacked for looking for another job? That's awful. As a small business owner it's damn hard when someone leaves but I would never be so unprofessional as to sack someone. You are better off out of there!

BlitheringIdiots · 07/01/2019 21:27

And yes ACAS is your friend here.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 07/01/2019 21:31

Beimg refused a reference isn't illegal but it certainly would raise an eyebrow. Just be honest about it. I dunno where the PP got that idea from!

Original poster
NewYearsSleeve · 07/01/2019 21:47

I’m in Swansea so not sure what temping market is like. I’m glad I don’t have to go back. I don’t care about the money for notice period, it was only a weeks notice needed anyway.

OP posts:
Warpdrive · 07/01/2019 21:50

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet there.

While people can refuse to give a reference, it is risky to give a bad reference as it can lead to libel claims if unsubstantiated so I think its not likely that the current employer will deliberately be arsey if asked, but would more likely just refuse to give one. It wouldn't bother me (been recruiting for over 25 years) if a candidate didn't want to use their most recent employer as referee. I would be happy to use a previous employer as reference. We have all heard stories like this so isnt gonna be a surprise to a recruiter.

OP the only thing you need to rehearse, is how to frame the departure from this job When you're asked about it. I think an appropriate response would be something like, I needed more challenge and they weren't able to give it so I started looking at new opportunities. Unfortunately current employer wasn't supportive of that so we agreed to separate and now here I am.
On the plus side, new year means new roles for lots of people so should be plenty of opportunities for you to look at. Be proactive, register with lots of agencies, search the internet daily and be organised about it - record where your c.v goes, follow up with emails and phone calls and get networking on LinkedIn.

One day you'll think this was the best thing that ever happened to You!