To charge my sister for childcare?

[ThatThingYouDo]

Really after some advice and different points of view on this.

My sister has told me she is pregnant. I currently work from home part time in a job that is very flexible and fits around looking after my own children.

My sister would want to go back to work full time after the maternity leave. We previously discussed me possibly looking after any potential future children due to my work flexibility, but no actual in depth details were ever really discussed.

I would feel so awkward taking money from my sister for childcare, to look after my niece or nephew. She is an amazing sister and is so supportive and wonderful to me, and I love her very much.

I would be looking after the baby 7 hours a day Monday to Friday for the next 5 years.

Is this madness?!

Oh grreeat now you have your husband's permission it's all fine! Thank goodness for that!

🤦🏻‍♀️

AnotherEmma Sorry are you being sarcastic, it's hard to tell?!

I was yes. Sorry I'm not usually sarcastic, it's just... 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

AnotherEmma I don't understand, why is what I said a bad thing? Genuinely confused!

That's far too much. One or 2 days is okay. I mean I have my nephews one day a week.
Their parental nan has them another day, but Five days. That's taking the piss, frankly.
You don't know what this baby is going to be like, either. Some babies you don't even know you've got them.
Others demand constant attention.
Therefore you could spend your whole day pacing the floor with a baby as appose to getting any work done.

Surely he should have a say in this too.

I just can't imagine asking my husband's permission tbh. But then I already think you're mad so don't mind me

AnotherEmma Ahhhh OK I get what you're saying! I think the reason why it's important he agrees too is that he is currently paying for everything. So the time I would be looking after my niece or nephew I could be getting a full time job and taking the pressure off of him paying all the bills.

I am amazed at all the discussions here. Where is the baby’s father in all this? Is your sister a single parent or have I missed that?

Care labour is still labour, which is grossly undervalued and under appreciated in our society. I am all for women helping each other, but should not we start demanding that males step in with practical help?? Beyond just agreeing to the arrangements.

OP you sound like a wonderful helpful human being, I am just fed up with society’s expectations regarding females.

"So the time I would be looking after my niece or nephew I could be getting a full time job and taking the pressure off of him paying all the bills."

Well, yes.
Perhaps you could make the decision yourself to contribute more to the finances. There's also the question of your own financial independence, future earning potential, pension contributions.

@lillyputin
Good point but I expect the father is doing an Important Man Job and couldn't possibly take parental leave or go part time.

AnotherEmma

Perhaps you could make the decision yourself to contribute more to the finances. There's also the question of your own financial independence, future earning potential, pension contributions.

The only reason I am currently not in a full time job is because my youngest is not in school yet. By the time my sisters baby is born they will be, hence the ability to go back to work full time or possibly help out my sister.

I'm making the best of my circumstances at the moment working from home, and I assure you I am contributing to the household! I work hard both in the home and building up a business I started myself (not a MLM, don't worry!).

My sisters husband works full time, doing unpredictable shift work, it pays well but the hours are tough. He works hard and does as much as he can with the children.

No need for animosity BTW.

Don't get me wrong, I was not saying that you weren't contributing or working hard. Of course SAHPs of children not in school are contributing and working hard. But when your youngest starts school, you have options. You could increase your self-employed hours or get a job (full or part time). You don't have to of course. But I don't know why your first thought was to sign up for five more years of full time childcare but for another person's child (admittedly your neice/nephew, but still). But you need to think about the big picture here and think about your own life goals and quality of life. 1/2 days a week for your sister is a good compromise and will leave you some time to do paid work or whatever else you want.

I'm a right independent hard ass. In this situation I would definitely discuss with DH and possibly give him a veto. It affects the whole household. When your DH is a reasonable person then joint decisions are a wonderful part of a good marriage. If the vetos only ever go one way that's different of course. This sounds like a normal healthy family. Good luck that

I think it's a lovely thing to do (the 2 days not the 5!) given you are so close and she's helped so much with your son when your daughter was ill. It sounds like it wouldn't put financial strain on you to not switch to working full time once your youngest starts school anyway, and not something you'd been planning? Only do it if you enjoy looking after babies though, not just to be a total martyr!

AnotherEmma Yes this was definitely a consideration. In 9 months I was hoping to have 6 hours a day free to increase my business or get back into my old profession. I just thought if I could help my sister then that would be great. Having thought more about it full time will not work, but 1-2 days a week to help someone who means so much to me seems manageable. Without jeopardising my own professional future of course.

CottonTailRabbit Thanks. It's really important my husband is OK with the situation too. He's a very generous and reasonable person, so if he wasn't OK with this, I would have reservations.

These points may have already been raised but have you considered

What would happen if you were sick

What would happen if the baby was sick

What would happen if you want a holiday and your sis hasn't got any leave left to cover?

My dm would happily have my dd every day but we decided on nursery one day a week so if dm wants to go on holiday or any other problems, if available we could use nursery instead of me having to take time off.

If you want to do it I would consider possibly only doing a few days. You could then work the other days, your sister has a back up option, baby gets variety and she isn't completely reliant on you.

Also don't forget if you have your dn it's the cost of feeding the child and possible day trips

Sorry cross post

Another suggestion for your dsis if possible is for her to do compressed hours so she gets 1 day off a week as well to spend with her child?

But ThatThing your family, your kids and husband, need to come first. TBH, if I were your H I would be highly displeased at having carried the weight of being the chief earner for 9 years and just when you can increase your hours or go FT you present it as a fait accompli that nope, you're not going to do that to enable your sister with 2 days of free childcare for another 5 years (or more). I'd be questioning things, tbh. That's a lot of earning potential to benefit our family and our future. I'd be furious.

I think this is madness and quite selfish of you to decide this without even discussing it with your partner and without even considering the financial impact on your family of giving up 2 days/week work for five years.

That's money you could be earning to enable your kids to have the best life possible - money for activities, better hols, tutoring if they need it, saving for driving lessons and first car, increasing your savings (VITAL in this economic climate), it's basically saying, 'I'll do a part-time job for free for my sister rather than give my family the best life I can'.

How are you able to work around hours like that?

Thebaronetofcockburn
Take it easy. I have decided nothing yet. Also, my husbands feelings and opinions are fundamental in any decision I make.

Family is important to us, and my sister has done a huge amount for us these last few years.

As I said, my husband is on board with any decision I make. He is not furious, rather he appreciates my sister for the help she has provided previously and continues to provide for us. My daughter is coming up for her 5th surgery, and my sister will be looking after our son for a whole 2 weeks while she heals. There is give and take here. I'm just trying to help her a little. I've already accepted 5 days a week might be too much!

ThatThingYouDo

If you, your husband, your sister and her husband are happy with your arrangement, then I wouldn't be overly concerned about the sarcastic comments of random strangers on the internet.

I do know of siblings that take on childcare for each other and it works. The only payments involved usually are to cover trips out, emergency nappies/clothes/replacement toys or dummies purchased etc.

Some other sensible things have been highlighted: what happens if you're ill or one of your children are ill?

NurseButtercup Thank you very much. I imagine if I'm ill or my children are ill, it would be the same as if the baby were in childcare - my sister or her husband would have to take the day off.