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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To charge my sister for childcare?

204 replies

ThatThingYouDo · 05/01/2019 23:54

Really after some advice and different points of view on this.

My sister has told me she is pregnant. I currently work from home part time in a job that is very flexible and fits around looking after my own children.

My sister would want to go back to work full time after the maternity leave. We previously discussed me possibly looking after any potential future children due to my work flexibility, but no actual in depth details were ever really discussed.

I would feel so awkward taking money from my sister for childcare, to look after my niece or nephew. She is an amazing sister and is so supportive and wonderful to me, and I love her very much.

I would be looking after the baby 7 hours a day Monday to Friday for the next 5 years.

Is this madness?!

OP posts:

OliviaStabler · 06/01/2019 07:24

You also have to factor in what happens if your circumstances change. While it is convenient now it might not be so in the future. One or two days a week your sister could find alternatives for, 5 days would be very hard.

Jimdandy · 06/01/2019 07:31

I’d offer 1 day and not charge. It’s likely to be for 3 though? Assuming she gets the funded 30 hours?

CatnissEverdene · 06/01/2019 07:34

Her child - her responsibility.

Yes it's lovely to help out but to care for her child full time? You'll be spending more time with it than she will.

Queenchanel · 06/01/2019 07:35

You really need to think this through. It will impact on your children as well as your dh. Can you remember back to the baby/toddler days and how knackered you were? YOUr own house will suffer as you’ll have no time to clean etc. If you have the baby at yours you will need to toddler proof.
Everything you do for yourself now eg exercise, seeing friends, hairdressers etc will need to be done at weekends impacting on your family time.
You will be very limited in what you can do in the school holidays with your own children with a toddler in tow (I have 3 dc and had this problem).
You won’t be able to volunteer to help in school/go on trips and will have to take a toddler to nativities/sports day.
Then there’s the extra food/travelling to baby groups etc. Who will pay? And do you really want to go back to those baby days of baby groups?

I think your dc May resent it. It will massively impact on them and their time with you. They won’t always enjoy a toddler at home touching their stuff and wanting to play with them.

Then there’s discipline etc. You’d need to be on the same page otherwise it could be very confusing for the child. Will you want to follow ds rules?

Personally I think one day would be lovely. If she was a single mum and financially struggling it would be different. But you are basically going to become a sahm so that she can earn money for her family.

curlii103 · 06/01/2019 07:35

I love babies I'd be thrilled to do this. Charge her for classes and coffee! Couple of days supplemented by nursery or a child minder is probably more sensible however

comebacksoonsusan · 06/01/2019 07:41

No. Utter madness.

hibbledibble · 06/01/2019 07:46

I agree that 1-2 days a week sounds like a good compromise. 5 days is a huge commitment and you may end up resenting it.

user1487194234 · 06/01/2019 07:49

I wouldn't charge my sister.However I also wouldn't commit for those hours for 5 years,I would say I would do it for a 3 month trial and see how it goes.Keep the arrangement under review

Jent13c · 06/01/2019 07:53

2 days a week will be a massive cost saving for her. She may also change her mind about going back full time when shes pregnant? Also having back up childcare is such a relief (when baby is too poorly to go to nursery and just wants to be cuddled all day) so if you can offer that to her that would be so helpful

Original poster

ThatThingYouDo · 06/01/2019 08:10

Brilliant advice on here thank you. I think I'm going to offer 2 days a week as I would be happy with that and it would really help with her childcare costs. Full time is too much of a commitment, I see that now.

OP posts:

speakout · 06/01/2019 08:12

No way- with or without pay.

BlackCatSleeping · 06/01/2019 08:15

I think even with 2 days a week you need to work something out in terms of costs incurred, such as nappies, food, trips out, etc. It can really add up.

TeenTimesTwo · 06/01/2019 08:20

Hang on.

What will happen when you want to go on holiday (at peak times with school aged kids)? She won't want holiday then as will want to go term time.

Or when there is a school play or assembly they don't want babies at?

Another alternative would be to offer to be emergency care for if the baby/toddler is poorly. So when nursery won't take her, you will, meaning your sister doesn't need to take leave at short notice? that is helping out without the regular commitment.

if you do offer a day or two, definitely don't offer for 5 years. Agree that either of you can say it's not working out with e.g. 3 months warning.

How pfb is she likely to be?

Original poster

ThatThingYouDo · 06/01/2019 08:28

Apologies I really didn't mean to drip feed. My sister is a teacher so all childcare would be term time only.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThatThingYouDo · 06/01/2019 08:29

She also has 1 other child who is much older so no pfb issues.

OP posts:

motortroll · 06/01/2019 08:29

I've always paid my sister for childcare. You are supposed to register but....?? Who doesn't help their family out because of that?

Having said that I'd never expect my sister to do it for 5 full days especially if she was working from home! I always used a combo of nursery/preschool and my sister.

Over the years we've also had reciprocal arrangements where I have her kids on my day off.

In this case you either need to ask her for money or not do it! You could offer to do a couple of days to help with nursery costs if you don't want to charge her??

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 06/01/2019 08:32

I would be looking after the baby 7 hours a day Monday to Friday for the next 5 years.
*
Is this madness?!**

Yes!!!

How will you get your own work done?

Maybe agree to one day and she can put the baby in a nursery for the rest.

Shadow1986 · 06/01/2019 08:36

Utter madness OP don’t do it. Sounds like you have a fantastic relationship with your sister and I really think this could put a strain on it - you will soon become very resentful of running around after someone else’s child, without being paid! Why don’t you offer to look after her child one day a week, that’s one day less she has to find childcare for and pay for - if I were her I’d be so grateful for this offer.

TeenTimesTwo · 06/01/2019 08:40

Term time only?

I think that makes a big difference! 13 weeks off a year for a start at the time when your own DC are around.

Also it is less likely to be 8-6, more likely 8-4:30.

2 days a week, charge what a nursery would for 1 day a week, so you gain the same that she saves.

UntilTheVeryEnd · 06/01/2019 08:56

I did this 2 days a week for my SIL for her 2 children (I was on mat leave with dc2)
I was glad I could help and I know I saved her a boat load of money. Even at 2 days it was very tying as I had 4 children I would have needed to transport anywhere and a car that wasn’t big enough with all the seats.
I didn’t take remuneration and was glad to do it but it was very hard. Couldn’t have imagined having to fit working from home in as well. I think you are so kind to want to do it but it’s so much to ask of you. I think a compromise of 2 days is a great boost for her... what you don’t take in financial payment you gain in bond with your niece and nephew plus babysitting in return. For me this was great to have in the bag if I needed it. Good luck x

Perch · 06/01/2019 09:05

Teacher or not, no way x

Claudia1980 · 06/01/2019 09:11

Absolutely she should be paying you! That is a huge commitment.

masktaster · 06/01/2019 09:14

Also it is less likely to be 8-6, more likely 8-4:30.

For a teacher? Nope, that sounds about right, if a little under, to me.

3out · 06/01/2019 09:24

What happens with tax etc? I presume you’d have to declare any money earned as income?

I’d be a bit jealous of my sister getting to spend all that time with my child rather than me, to be honest! They reach that nice stage just as maternity leave ends. And baby’s first steps, first word etc might be with you rather than the parent. (I know this could happen just as easily with a childminder, but they normally cushion the blow by saying ‘I think they’re really close to taking their first steps!’ rather than ‘she walked!’) Would you be taking the baby for it’s vaccinations? And baby proofing the house again. It’s a lot to think about.

TeenTimesTwo · 06/01/2019 09:33

mask Personally, I would expect a teacher using family for childcare to leave work promptly after meetings and do any prep/marking at home later?

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