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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge my sister for childcare?

204 replies

ThatThingYouDo · 05/01/2019 23:54

Really after some advice and different points of view on this.

My sister has told me she is pregnant. I currently work from home part time in a job that is very flexible and fits around looking after my own children.

My sister would want to go back to work full time after the maternity leave. We previously discussed me possibly looking after any potential future children due to my work flexibility, but no actual in depth details were ever really discussed.

I would feel so awkward taking money from my sister for childcare, to look after my niece or nephew. She is an amazing sister and is so supportive and wonderful to me, and I love her very much.

I would be looking after the baby 7 hours a day Monday to Friday for the next 5 years.

Is this madness?!

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 06/01/2019 09:33

You are insane Grin

I suggest one day a week plus you can offer emergency childcare if needed (eg if they use a nursery and the child is too ill to go, or if they use a childminder and they are sick or on holiday).

Alternative you could become a registered childcare, look after the child full time and get her to pay you - but only do that if you're actually interested in early years childcare and not just because you want to help her out. I think you'd be mad to do it frankly.

Don't forget babysitting as well, if you are able to help out sometimes for a couple of hours in the evening or at weekends, that will be hugely appreciated.

AnotherEmma · 06/01/2019 09:34

registered childminder

ittakes2 · 06/01/2019 09:35

Honestly - if your children are in school you have a right to a life - no way should you start again without being paid!

glueandstick · 06/01/2019 10:02

Are you fucking nuts? Have you forgotten how relentless toddlers are? Christ, I’m farming my own out to give me some breathing space.

You sound lovely but dear god just say no.

EdtheBear · 06/01/2019 10:46

Teacher!!!

Offer one or 2 days and emergency cover. On the deal that she takes your children the same one or two days to get you carry on your business during holiday time. Wink

Holidayshopping · 06/01/2019 10:52

So, you’d be offering to have the baby from what 7.30-5.30 (depending on how far it is from her dropping the child at yours to getting to school) to enable her to earn what, £1000 a month, but there will be no income for you?!

You are a nicer person than me. Why should you not be earning, but she will for full days of looking after a child.

I would consider it-as a paid role. Even if she gave you £50 a week minimum, you’d be getting £200 to her £1000! If I were the working sister, I wouldn’t let you. £100 a week actually sounds fairer.

What will you do when you/your child/her child are ill and can’t have them-will she have back up?

JudasPrudy · 06/01/2019 10:56

Goodness, I'd been considering asking my sister to mind DS 2 days a week as he wasn't settling into nursery and was wondering if £25-£30 a day would be enough. Not a chance would I have the nerve to expect free childcare other than a couple of hours babysitting here and there.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 06/01/2019 11:02

Holiday: do full time teachers really only earn 1000 per month Shock

Spanglyprincess1 · 06/01/2019 11:06

My sister and inayve discussed reciprocal arrangement. Eg both working part time me Mon to wed and her we'd to Friday. Both children in childcare Wednesday's and me having them first two days and her last two. This seems fair and saves us both around 1k in childcare costs.
You aren't mental however sounds insane! You can't WFH and look after chidlten it's impossible esp when they are very young. I'd mention in passing that your happy to do for example a day a week or even two but that's it.

Mymadworld · 06/01/2019 11:09

I'd offer one day a week - more than that will become a bind and most likely end up jeopardising your relationship. I'd also be looking for some sort of payment even if it's only £10 to cover food & activities. You definitely need to register as a childminder if you you take payment for childcare but I doubt anyone is going to quibble over a tenner!

Holidayshopping · 06/01/2019 11:09

Holiday: do full time teachers really only earn 1000 per month shock

No, sorry. I was just talking about money for the part time days OP had mentioned.

Holidayshopping · 06/01/2019 11:11

It might be more like £7/800 for two days depending on pay scale-I was just trying to illustrate that OP should get some remuneration too.

CottonTailRabbit · 06/01/2019 11:11

Teacher. Excellent. Term time you have hers 2 days a week while she works. In the school holidays she has your children 2 days a week while you work.

Holidayshopping · 06/01/2019 11:15

I wouldn’t have said that was fair either, @CottonTailRabbit

Toddler 7.30-5.30 for 39 week.
School age children (would it really be 7.30-5.30?!) for 13 weeks! You’d probably take out days over Christmas (busy), Easter (busy), doing stuff during half term, her holidays, your holidays...

Have you actually offered to do this for money? What is she expecting?

StripeyDeckchair · 06/01/2019 11:25

I just want to point out it will cost you to look after her child - food, occasional trips out maybe, will you have the heating on more while you have a baby in the house?, will she supply nappies, clothes, toys, high chair etc

You should also have a clear understanding of discipline, manners and how things are done - it's the small things that can cause fallings out

AnotherEmma · 06/01/2019 11:31

"Offer one or 2 days and emergency cover. On the deal that she takes your children the same one or two days to get you carry on your business during holiday time."

Good idea! Sister will still need some proper time off though.

PicaK · 06/01/2019 12:02

How much did you earn per hour when you worked? And how much would that be now?
I think you should keep in mind your own value and what you have given up to benefit your family life etc.
You could have more hols, savings for the kids etc if you had paid work. It's fine to give those up for your family but not for others.
Don't forget by working your sister gets benefits like pension, sick pay etc.

Jcsp · 06/01/2019 12:19

I can understand that it may be awkward to ask for money. Looking after children isn’t a zero cost activity.

But it should be offered.

Firesuit · 06/01/2019 12:58

According to the page below, you cannot register as a childminder if all the children you look after are related to you. (Note, not don't have to register, not allowed to!)

www.gov.uk/become-childminder-nanny

(Although I don't know what the definiton of "related" is in this context.)

MandalaYogaTapestry · 06/01/2019 13:42

I would honestly only offer being available to help with emergency care / babysitting. That's the best way to keep your relationship with your sister as fantastic as it is now, for years to come.

If you commit to any regular care your sister will come to rely on you. So you will potentially be screwed out of any of your own freedom as if you were ever to be unavailable it would create a big stress for her as a working mother. So consciously or not, she wil resent you.

Don't go there. Seriously. But have the talk asap so that she has time to make other arrangements.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 06/01/2019 14:00

I'd see if you can find a childminders contract and look through it as there may be some situations you hadn't thought of that you need to be clear up front on how you'll handle, such as what if your kids have an inset day or a snow day and she doesn't, are you happy to have all 3 of them at once? What if your kids are poorly and at home or have to have doctors appointments etc will you take all of them? What if you're poorly, what will she do as back up? Presumably you taking holidays isn't an issue as you've got kids so will take them in term time.

mumsastudent · 06/01/2019 14:01

I suspect the reasoning behind relatives & registration is about not allowing government funding for childcare??? I think you should check how much hourly childcare is & charge a reduced rate & get her to supply everything - don't forget your house will have wear & tear - she can than get her paid for hours elsewhere which will reduce her paid for hours. Charge two thirds rate maybe & cash payment -

SchrodingersUnicorn · 06/01/2019 14:06

If you are happy with 2 days a week in term time then go for it! It sounds like you have a good relationship with your sister.
If you aren't charging (I couldn't bring myself to charge my sister either, it's family!) then it's sensible to ask her to cover costs like classes/groups etc. And she can have a couple of days with yours kids a week in the holidays, sorted :)

RCohle · 06/01/2019 14:51

How much has she babysat your two kids? Out of interest.

Original poster
ThatThingYouDo · 06/01/2019 15:13

Thanks for all the responses! Some really good suggestions on here!

To answer a few more questions.....

In a professional capacity (my skilled profession I would make £100 per day.

My current job where I work from home I make about £250 per week, it's very part time (about 10 hours a week). Usually when the kids are in bed.

My sister has been incredibly helpful and involved with my children in the past. She has looked after my son for weeks (overnights included) at a time, when my daughter (then a baby) who was born with congenital problems was in hospital having surgery. She has gone above and beyond for me and my children, which is why I am eager to help her.

Following on from this thread I had a conversation with my husband about it all. He is happy for me to look after her child as much as I feel I can manage. He has said that as long as the bills are paid (which they are) he doesn't mind. He likes my sister alot and appreciates everything she has done for us in the past.

OP posts: