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AIBU?

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Original poster

Son wanting to be professional footballer

212 replies

eco1636 · 04/01/2019 12:56

DS is 9 and wants to be a pro footballer when he grows up.
He's in the Bs and not that quick, and DH decided yesterday on a long car journey to tell him that he and his best friend "don't have a hope" of ever being good enough.
I turned to look at DS who had been pratting on, and he was crying quietly and body language crushed. So I climbed into the back with him and gave him a big hug and said he's got to have a dream.
DH said he doesn't want to raise a snowflake and refused to soften the blow.
I'm pissed off at how DS did this and also about how OTT he went about Father Christmas whom DH shoves down their throat making them believe in him lock, stock and barrel. I'm softly softly on everything, putting the ball in DS's court to make his own mind up about things.
AIBU to be bit gutted with DH?

OP posts:
Original poster
eco1636 · 04/01/2019 12:56

Sorry, badly written. DS had been prattling on happily, and I'm pissed off with DH.

OP posts:
easyandy101 · 04/01/2019 12:57

Yeah bit rough at 9 tbf

GrubbyHipsterBeard · 04/01/2019 12:58

YANBU. A 9 year old should be able to dream without being told they’re not good enough.

ASAS · 04/01/2019 12:58

Yeah, pretty crap of your husband.

sirmione16 · 04/01/2019 12:59

Yeah it's not fair for DH to be so blunt that it upsets DS, YANBU. There's plenty of other ways he could've approached that conversation gently so DS felt grounded but ultimately not disheartened. He's 9 ffs too, hardly taking career choices too seriously right now..! Bless him.

Sirzy · 04/01/2019 12:59

I think there is a way to encourage being realistic. I don’t think a “you can do it” when you know really there is no chance is any more helpful than brutal honesty really!

gwenneh · 04/01/2019 13:00

Your DH "doesn't want to raise a snowflake"?!

Encouraging your children does not "raise snowflakes" and I'll bet that moment sticks with your DS for life.

ItsQuietTime · 04/01/2019 13:00

So he wants to make him believe in Santa but not himself? Asshole.

Unihorn · 04/01/2019 13:00

Yes that's really shit of him!! My brother tells my nephew similar and he's signed for an academy team and has had trials for decent teams, so that really pisses me off. My nephew is 10 and quite sensitive as well! I would be really upset if my husband was like this with our children.

Original poster
eco1636 · 04/01/2019 13:01

I discussed other careers in football, which DS accepted might be more attainable. In finance, training, sponsorship - all sorts.
So I'm not telling him he's good enough either, but he can dream.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 04/01/2019 13:03

He was an arse. No need for such brutal honesty to a 9 year old.

PhilomenaButterfly · 04/01/2019 13:03

9's so young. Your DH should let him have his dream until he's doing his GCSE's. DD 11 wants to be a mathematician, a biologist or a YouTuber! Xmas Grin

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 04/01/2019 13:04

He’s 9. In an age where a lot of kids don’t do physical exercise he shouldn’t be discouraging him.

Bambamber · 04/01/2019 13:04

Yeah your husband was an arse. I don't believe in giving false hope of something that would never be realistically achievable, (like when I decided I wanted to be a singer but am literally tone deaf) but at the same time you can encourage them to explore other areas without crushing them

firawla · 04/01/2019 13:04

Yes pretty crap of him. My boys all think they’re going to be professional footballers, I’ve only said well make sure you get your exam results and grades in all subjects so you have all your options, and let them watch programmes like Man City all or nothing to see how hard they train and that it’s not just an easy option. probably 50% of little lads want to be a footballer, they either grow out of it in their own time or maybe do go ahead with a career in football - afterall someone has to! Dh is being a bit of a misery

lastqueenofscotland · 04/01/2019 13:04

If your son was 19 and still paying for a pub team while a stone overweight and conceding 13 goals a match I’d say Fair enough, but he’s 9?!?!?

Drogosnextwife · 04/01/2019 13:05

Unfortunately I think it's a jealousy thing with some men. Seems to be so many men I've met claim "they could have went professional" but for some reason never, so when they get a whiff that their child could be or wants to be a proffetional footballer they have to crush that dream.

Everanewbie · 04/01/2019 13:06

Utterly disgusting approach. I've been involved in a sport where several of my contemporaries have "made it" and also a lot more haven't. It was the ones that worked hardest and made progress that did, not the ones who showed promise aged 9. The message is that it is unlikely, and the odds are stacked against him, but if he's serious he needs to be dedicated and work his butt off. Plus he needs a really good back up plan so education is equally, if not more important.

The father sounds like a dad from Kes or Billy Elliot or something, needs to give his head a wobble.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/01/2019 13:06

Poor DS, his dad was a swine to make him cry like that. He's 9 fgs, don't a lot of boys that age dream of being a footballer?

AgnesNaismith · 04/01/2019 13:07

He was a dick. However, 99.9% of youth team players for actual clubs don’t get professional contracts. Don’t encourage them to get into a shit sport with no governance which will leave them either bankrupt, ill or with severe mental health issues.

PhilomenaButterfly · 04/01/2019 13:08

Is your DH Bullet Baxter?

Original poster
eco1636 · 04/01/2019 13:08

DH loves rugby and hates football. But equally doesn't want him to take rugby too far (agree on that one as its so dangerous).

OP posts:
DwayneDibbly · 04/01/2019 13:14

I think your other half was a complete bastard to do that and, frankly, it would make me see him in a different, much less attractive light if he were my partner. You can be realistic and also be kind. Fucker. That's made me really cross for your son. Angry

MaisyPops · 04/01/2019 13:14

He shouldnt have been an arse about it but he has a point in a way.

The people I know who have gone on to compete highly in their sports were already showing talent by the end of primary and were competing at a high level by their early teens (with some variation in age depending on the sport e.g. rowers more by gcse/a level vs gymnasts already on national training programmes by 12)

For football, that often means being signed out of school to play at pro teams training academies from around year 8 upwards. It is unlikely for a child who isnt that quick and on the B team at primary to make it as a pro footballer.

There's having a dream and being in a position (talent, skill, training, opportunities, drive) to make it happen.

We still see students in secondary who are adamant they are going to work in the West end, but they're not particularly strong in acting, dance or music and are middle of the field in a good school. But home have told them they can be anything they want to be (probably high on x factors stories and little knowledge of the reality of carving a career out in that area).

llangennith · 04/01/2019 13:15

Your DH was nasty. Nearly all boys dream of becoming professional footballers. Imagine being paid all that money to play a game you love!
Two DGS in football academies at the moment but we've always been realistic while still being encouraging. Talking about how many boys are in academies all over the world and how few of them will get into professional clubs. We know of twins whose lives were completely taken up by football then just before they turned 16 they were dropped by an academy. They were shocked and had no back up plan. They'd let schoolwork go and scraped through GCSEs.
Encourage but be realistic.

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