Son wanting to be professional footballer

[eco1636]

DS is 9 and wants to be a pro footballer when he grows up.
He's in the Bs and not that quick, and DH decided yesterday on a long car journey to tell him that he and his best friend "don't have a hope" of ever being good enough.
I turned to look at DS who had been pratting on, and he was crying quietly and body language crushed. So I climbed into the back with him and gave him a big hug and said he's got to have a dream.
DH said he doesn't want to raise a snowflake and refused to soften the blow.
I'm pissed off at how DS did this and also about how OTT he went about Father Christmas whom DH shoves down their throat making them believe in him lock, stock and barrel. I'm softly softly on everything, putting the ball in DS's court to make his own mind up about things.
AIBU to be bit gutted with DH?

This thread has reminded me of a time DS1 (then 10 or so) was very upset about not being one of the best kids on his football team. I was giving him a pep talk and said, "Mate you might not be able to be Didier Drogba but you can try and be Damien Duff," basically taking about outrageous natural flair versus work ethic.

That was a long time ago and I doubt DS2 has even heard of either player, but it's still a little family mantra.

Craft1905 You are missing the point.

It is not up to me to crush their dreams. Re your basketball analogy. It isn’t up to me to say they wouldn’t grow tall enough (although we are quite a short family, I am the tallest in my family male and female and I am under 5ft 4” and dp is the tallest in his at under 5ft 10” both dc are taller than us by inches)
It is ultimately up to the children to work that out.

And whilst they might play for fun they can always transfer their skills to another sport.

@PumpkinPie2016
When I was a little older than your DS, I desperately wanted to be a policewoman. I did some stuff through school with them and was so passionate about it. My parents however, were not! They are law abiding people and have nothing against the police but didn't want me to do it because of the dangers. They went on and on and eventually, I was so fed up that I didn't apply as I had no support sad

I am 32 now and it remains one of my biggest regrets and something I do resent my parents for!

It may not be out of your reach if it's something you still really want to do and can meet the physical requirements. We know a woman who has joined up recently who is in her late thirties.

Ooh muddling you have got me thinking now!

That's totally shit of your dh. It's not being realistic it's just crushing. Something like "it's nice you like football and we'll encourage you to practice but keep open other options too " would be perfectly adequate.

I told my dad I wanted to be a dancer when I was about that age and he laughed in my face. I was a gangly, awkward child and I’m sure he had a point, but goddamn that hurt. I’ve never forgotten it.

When I used to volunteer with a youth club, there was a kid who wanted to be a footballer and he was one of the few kids who didn’t try and sneak off to smoke or drink when we weren’t looking, because he said smoking and drinking would ruin his chances as a footballer. So there’s definitely something to be said for it as an ambition!

My son wasn't a particularly good footballer at 9 but he now has a professional contract at a Premier League club. It's not impossible with lots of hard work and the right breaks. We were always realistic even from a young age that the odds were stacked against him and that he would have to keep up his education. I say reach for the stars!

It should have been done more tactfully, but I don't believe in false dreams. Realistic dreams and ambition of course.

That’s awful behaviour. DH may very well be correct in saying that DS has zero chance of becoming a footballer. Very, very few youngsters have the particular combination of skill, speed and athleticism and determination required.

9 is far too young to brutally crush a child’s dreams though. If DS isn’t a stand-out player in the first team by the time he is 11 or 12, he will work it out for himself.

@PumpkinPie2016, if you decide to go for it, best of luck! And make sure you update us all.

In my mid teens I still had a dream that one day I would suddenly become really competitive in my chosen sport. Even at that age my parents didn't tell me outright that I was never going to be good enough competitively. What they did do was put limits on what they would pay for- I could
go to events etc but new they wouldn't pay for new equipment/advanced training until my performance was at a level that it was the equipment holding me back. I remember being devastated briefly but by that age deep down I knew they were right. They also did support me in keeping going at a lower level of competition and in training as a coach. I never did become competitive but I was able to find work as a coach throughout university holidays and whilst I looked for a full time job. If they had outright stomped on my daydreaming I would probably have stopped altogether and missed out all the skills and experiences I got as a coach.

So that's a vote in favour of there being ways of being more tactful than your DH was.

I think this was very cruel.

Surely the talk to have is - it is very hard to get into professional football, so let's keep your options open.