To ask people to pay for their own meal

[Whereisthecoffee]

I’m getting married later this year simple register office ceremony no fuss as we are saving for a deposit and are quite low income. Our family would like to celebrate with us after but we don’t really want to take out a loan. Would I be unreasonable to have an optional relaxed meal afterwards that is pay your own ? Small gathering at a local restaurant and we would be giving out edible favours and I’m looking into buying all who attend a drink?
Please be gentle with me wedding planning is frazzling my head. I’m also looking into halls I can hire to do afternoon tea if all else fails.

Thank you

What about family members or friends who are in a similar financial position. It is all very well saying if they can't afford it do not go, but those who really want to celebrate will borrow to get there.
A club or hall with a buffet is your answer, ask guests to bring some alcohol.

I've never been at a wedding without a paid for, 3 course meal.
But I actually wouldn't mind as long as it was made clear from the beginning that this is optional and guests will need to pay for their meal, and if there was an insistence in the invite that the meal is instead of a wedding present...not just something which says you don't have to bring a gift or that gifts aren't necessary, as I'd still feel like I should take a present too unless it was a very clear instruction ie your presence at the meal is the present, further gifts will cause discomfort 😂

@theplot

Do these posters who expect the couple to pay also expect to be paid for if invited to a birthday dinner?

You really, SERIOUSLY need to brush up on your social etiquette skills if you think a birthday meal, and a wedding are the same!

Jesus wept.

How about hiring a church hall and getting a local chiippie to cater? You can get someone to collect the fish / sausage suppers etc and it would be affordable if you kept the numbers to what you can financially manage. They might give you discount. Lidl for drinks and see if someone will gift the wedding cake. Minimum fuss and faff. Paper plates, cutlery and napkins.

It is possible to get a temporary licence for a village hall. I have done it for shows. It's a form to fill in and and approval of magistrates.

Some pubs/bars can provide off site facilities - done that too.

Other than the above, in community venues, it's usual to give the drink away to avoid applying for a licence. That used to be a free rich tea

Oh, just remembered: Working Men's Clubs often have a function room which is covered by their licence. In my experience the WMC have been the best and most welcoming.

Cricket clubs are also wonderful.

Most of the above are run by the community and need the community to use them to keep up their small grants and prominence.

Some people I've known have hosted the wedding at their home. One of the best ones ever was a marquee in their garden.

If I could do it again I'd go to Grenta Green then dump him the moment he did nothing, nothing, nothing: areshole scrounger ever again.

@Whereisthecoffee I recently (literally last month) eloped. Myself, DP & 2 witnesses. We announced it to family over Christmas and now everyone is offering to take us out to celebrate.

Might be a way to go.

Just get groups of people and go out for dinner with each of them.

@Leonard1

How about hiring a church hall and getting a local chippie to cater? You can get someone to collect the fish / sausage suppers etc and it would be affordable if you kept the numbers to what you can financially manage. They might give you discount. Lidl for drinks and see if someone will gift the wedding cake. Minimum fuss and faff. Paper plates, cutlery and napkins.

Yeah great idea! Or how about getting mcdonalds to whip up some burgers and fries, and a few dozen happy meals, and whoever goes to get them calls in at Asda for a few dozen boxes of maltesers for dessert for people!

@Whereisthecoffee and the reason we eloped was because as you can see from some of the PP people feel entitled when it comes to weddings.

It's a day about you. Not other people.

Honestly I don't regret a single thing. This from a girl who literally had her entire wedding planned before she got the ring.

Do what makes you happy. Those that love you and truly care about you will be happy to do whatever.

Those that have an issue with paying for their own meal aren't people who care about you.

@MNMH

subspace When you say "try to be considerate/don't be a dick" you're referring to how the wedding couple should behave, right, not me...?

Yes! I realised after I posted it could be taken the wrong way Sorry about that 😅

@MNMH

subspace When you say "try to be considerate/don't be a dick" you're referring to how the wedding couple should behave, right, not me...?

Yes! I realised after I posted it could be taken the wrong way Sorry about that 😅

I'd love a fish supper v another wedding meal of chicken bloody Balmoral.

The best wedding I went to had burgers for the wedding dinner. You just went up to where they were being barbecued and you got one and then helped yourself to toppings.

Nothing wrong with getting the chippie to cater. Redandyellow is just being a massive snob.

Just make sure there is a vegetarian option!

In general, the kind of people who are snooty about wedding food or who see celebrating with someone they allegedly care for as 'taking up their time' aren't the kind of people you'll miss if they don't turn up anyway.

Will answer replies in a second but I’ve had a positive reply for fifty pound deposit I’ve found a pub that caters but allows own buffet too.
Thanks for all the advice and well wishes much appreciated

@stokieginge

Those that have an issue with paying for their own meal aren't people who care about you.

Those who invite you to their wedding and make you pay for your own food aren't people who care about you.

@hibbledibble

Nothing wrong with getting the chippie to cater. Redandyellow is just being a massive snob.

Where did I say there was anything wrong with having the chippie to cater?

Don’t take out a loan. It’s ridiculous people getting into debt for the sake of a wedding. It’s the marriage that matters not the party - save your money for your life together.

I’d be perfectly happy to pay for my own meal at a wedding.

But I also think unless your dp’s family are willing to pay for it, it doesn’t matter if they think you should be having a big do. If that’s not what you want, ignore them.

Nowt wrong wi' fish and chips fer ye wedding meal, and some good owd mushy paise.

Or a maccy D and a root beer.

Or how about a plate of greggs sausage rolls, and some tubes of smarties for puddin?!

GRAND!

I’m not even sure if I want to do anything after any more but at least a better option is now there

Hi, I think its really good that your not going to spend too much and start married life in debt. Go you! One of our friends hired a Church of England Church hall and had a buffet and bar. You can have alcohol in Anglican halls just not in Methodist Church halls.
Hope it all goes well for you x

Personally I think it’s fine (fellow bride to be POV) as long as everyone knows!

However, I would consider hiring a village hall or room at a social club..etc for

Strike Methodist Church halls off your venue search; no alcohol allowed anywhere in their churches or halls!

Not true in my experience flashes back to when as a child I was taken to pick up my quite straight laced mum from a retirement party in a methodist hall. The person throwing it had provided bottles if wine on the tables, and as most of the guests on her table were methodist she and one other were the only ones drinking and they were decidedly squiffy; the one and only time I've ever known her to be

I attended two fundraisers in a methodist hall last year where alcohol was served, and bottles of booze were raffle prizes. I think as long as nobody's trying to force them to drink they're not bothered about other people bringing booze and drinking. Obviously other people's experiences may vary!

The loveliest wedding I went to was a small marquee in my friend’s back garden and all guests brought a dish and a bottle. Nobody minded and it was a wonderfully happy day. Those who are saying you have to provide food don’t know your friends and what they’d be happy doing.

Friends snuck off quietly with their children to get married. Later on they had a bbq and invited family and friends, they had a cheese wedding cake so we all enjoyed cheese and biscuits afterwards.

It is about the love that surrounds you, not the surroundings imo.

I would still hint to parents that it would be lovely if they could cough up a bit of dosh to spread any costs though.

Another one for asking guests to bring a dish and something to drink instead of presents. It's a really fun way to do things and people are always more than happy to chip in.

I would feel out of place ordering a meal separate to a gathering though. Would make the whole thing a bit disjointed.

So pleased you've found an option!

I’m not even sure if I want to do anything after any more but at least a better option is now there

I hope the people on this thread haven't put you off. It's nothing to do with any of us, when all's said and done.