To ask people to pay for their own meal

[Whereisthecoffee]

I’m getting married later this year simple register office ceremony no fuss as we are saving for a deposit and are quite low income. Our family would like to celebrate with us after but we don’t really want to take out a loan. Would I be unreasonable to have an optional relaxed meal afterwards that is pay your own ? Small gathering at a local restaurant and we would be giving out edible favours and I’m looking into buying all who attend a drink?
Please be gentle with me wedding planning is frazzling my head. I’m also looking into halls I can hire to do afternoon tea if all else fails.

Thank you

I have seen this done once. It caused all sorts of confusion - people didn’t know to pay for the meal (there were no individual bills and they were supposed to give the money to the bride and groom).

If you invite people out for a meal after a wedding most eillmexpect you to pay. Can you try and throw a party within your budget? Hire a venue like a nice barn or hall that you can put on your own food?

Or just have a drinks reception and nibbles.

Have a look at halls. We went to a wedding reception recently that the hall looked a bit iffy from the outside, but inside was amazing.

They had tables and a seating plan as normal but the food was a buffet - lasagne, chilli and something else. Loads of salads and bread and it was the best wedding meal I’ve been too ever. Just nice and relaxed but really decent food.

Community halls or church halls are a good bet

I think if you only have a few guests who are all close family and friends it’s fine as long as you tell them in advance

If you’re having hundreds of guests then I’d be more inclined to say “cut your cloth” and reduce the size of the guest list to enable you to feed people who are taking the time, effort and expense to attend your big day

Anyone who expects you to go into debt up buy them dinner is not a good friend. I'd happily pay if I knew in advance and would just be glad to be part of your day. Think about the bill splitting though - maybe do food and drinks separate so people pay as they go for their drinks as it could get very confusing.

Also try community centres, leisure centres etc. I have been to quite a few wedding receptions in such places where they were fine with people bringing in their own food - you can either invite guests to bring food to share or get your family to cater. As to booze, invite people to bring their own or (depending on what you know of your guests and their drinking habits) ask for cash contributions and a list of drink preferences, stock up from Lidl or somewhere and just let people help themselves.

Low-income people are allowed to celebrate and have parties, you know. It's a pity so many places now insist on in-house catering they can overcharge for.

Do you have any village halls/community centres near you?

Just hire a community centre or church hall there are lots of places that allow you to self cater then you can have the wedding were actually planning.

I’m fumbling along on universal credits I’m truly not asking people to pay my deposit. It’s just over a thousand for a meal is part of a deposit on a housing scheme to me. A decent buffet can be done for three hundred which my parents were helping with.
Thanks for all the responses

I was going to suggest hiring some kind of village hall/social club. There are several round here where you can have the bar opened and bring your own food, while just paying for the room hire. Have you looked into those types of venues?
Otherwise your original plan is fine and I wouldn’t mind being asked to pay for a meal as long as the rest of the wedding was of a similar style (ie no horse and cart to the church/£3000 rings/cruise around the Caribbean honeymoon). We were asked to provide food for an evening reception once where no expense had been spared for everything else - that felt a bit cheeky tbh.

It's not the traditional way of doing things but as long as you're upfront and there's no pressure to attend (and you don't choose a ridiculously pricey place) I think it's fine. Maybe have a nibbles and drinks thing first so people who don't want to pay for the meal can still have a bit of a celebration.

I’m afraid I think you are being a little U.
If people are attending your wedding I think you need to feed and offer a drink, nothing excessive though? so the afternoon tea sounds good to me,

Also I'd agree with Maryann1975 if you'd clearly splashed out on the rest of the wedding with un-necessary extras (photographers etc) I'd be much more annoyed to be asked to pay for the meal, if it was clearly a casual wedding I'd be happy to pay.

Only if you can do it in a 'order your own food and pay for drinks at the bay' kind of place. who wants to fuck about splitting the bill at a wedding? No thank you.

I think you should can the edible favors (pointless waste of money).

Cross posted - the buffet for £300 sounds good too.

I wouldn't mind as long as it was worded correctly so I knew to budget for it. Something like 'After the ceremony, you are welcome to join us at X restaurant, where we will be celebrating. See enclosed menu for dishes and prices. Please let us know if you would like to attend.' might work.

I’ve messaged a few halls I’m awaiting a response without giving too much away I’m in a big city and they aren’t massively common but I have found a few. If I can’t sort the hall I’ll just send out an invite to the wedding if they want to witness it

Is it possible to hire a hall where you could cater for yourselves, just a few sandwiches and bits?

Sorry just seen your response before

Also, this works if you have like maximum 12 close friends/family. Any more than that and its a bit tricky to manage.

I think it's rude, sorry.

DH and I went to a wedding where we paid for our own meal: after outfits, travel, accommodation and a gift I was absolutely gobsmacked to he handed a menu and asked to work out what I owed.

That wedding cost us more than it cost the bride and groom, I'm pretty sure. Either cater for your guests, have less guests, or wait until you can afford it.

Some church halls will rent you the kitchen use as well as the hall space. I've done that for functions. If they don't have kitchen facilities, you can make a running buffet and bring it all in boxes. They've been okay with that, too.

And I’m hoping on a response from a few social clubs too the problem is a lot of caught on and now offer their own packages.

I'd be embarrassed for you, sorry.

I'm also getting married and don't want to spend a fortune as I thinks it's a waste but to ask people to pay for the own meal at your wedding, just no.

I was also going to suggest a hall or club that has a bar but where you can bring your own food. Perhaps a glass of fizz for everyone on arrival and then buy their own drinks.

Of course your wedding cost peanuts corbylee if your guests fed themselves (and you)!