To ask people to pay for their own meal

[Whereisthecoffee]

I’m getting married later this year simple register office ceremony no fuss as we are saving for a deposit and are quite low income. Our family would like to celebrate with us after but we don’t really want to take out a loan. Would I be unreasonable to have an optional relaxed meal afterwards that is pay your own ? Small gathering at a local restaurant and we would be giving out edible favours and I’m looking into buying all who attend a drink?
Please be gentle with me wedding planning is frazzling my head. I’m also looking into halls I can hire to do afternoon tea if all else fails.

Thank you

That sounds great. Why not do it in a family home? Have tables and chairs in the garden if your house isn’t big enough? Or look at hiring a hall. It could be a lovely “bring a festive celebratory plate” sort of do.

Most people like to contribute and this would be nicer than expecting wedges of cash as wedding presents.

Id also be looking at spending on actual wedding breakfast food rather than “edible favours”.

Or could you make an arrangement with a pub and put an amount of money behind the bar for drinks? When that’s done, guests buy their own and order their own meals.

Arrrrgh ZOMBIE THREAD

sorry

Yes fabulous! Just state you are on a budget and don't accept presents. People go out for meals all the time:

Have you tried somewhere like a social club even if you had to become a member I know they then allow you to hire their halls dj’s etc and do do a buffet as well as a licence to sell alcohol. Good luck. Just got married myself and know how stressful it can get

If you don't have the money you can't spend it! I think if everyone knows the situation they will be more than happy to pay for a meal. I know I would be.

@Strawberrydelight78 how did you manage to post that on a 4 year old thread?

You cannot ask people to pay for their own meals at a wedding. It's just not done. I wouldn't want to go to a wedding where I had to pay for my own meal.

Apologies I commented on the wrong thread it happens big deal.🙄🤔

I think its a great idea, all the snobby arses who think you should go into debt to buy them dinner and who are more concerned with outdated etiquette than celebrating with you can say no to your invite.
Then you get only genuine friends and the nicer parts of your family to join you on your day.

Win win I say.

Oh its a zombie! Never mind, my point is still true either way

Why? You would rather spend money on a pointless gift? Weddings are expensive for guests as well.

I think initially I'd run the idea passed other family members and gauge responses. Start with both sets of parents (who will likely pass on thoughts to siblings etc).

I would not have an issue with this type of invite however I wouldn't be prepared to take a day off work for it if i hadnt been invited to the wedding. It would therefore need to be an evening or a weekend. Are you expecting kids to come? That would influence the venue.
You need to make the invites very clear eg copy of menu choices with prices and instructions to pay deposit by X date or on day. Restaurant will have their own rules but it might be worth asking about about bringing in a cake or similar. If it's a set price menu most are happy to oblique.

I do think though that you should actively discourage gifts. Bit of a cliche now but gheir presence is their present.

Really?
You wouldn't go to one of your best friends wedding, who you know is skint, unless they paid for your dinner?

It really is mind boggling how weird people are. Someone would rather spend money on an unneeded gift, fancy clothes, travel, etc as long as they get some free not very good wedding food. But they wouldn't go to a local low key wedding and pay for a cheap dinner, because its "not done".

Well, it is done. By people who aren't up their own arses and care about others!