To think he needs to stay with me

[crispysausagerolls]

Expect to get a lot of comments like “If you’re so unwell why are you typing” but I am lying here in bed on my side with a cold flannel and a temp that was 41 but is now 39.7 after taking panadol. I just desperately need advice - we have a 6m old who has also had a fever (but is on the mend). I can’t really stand. My family are all down with the flu so can’t help. DH works very long hours and is the breadwinner but has returned to work yesterday and none of the big bosses are in the office as still off on holiday, and his day yesterday was very relaxed (went to the gym, did personal errands and calls, left at 6pm which is early for him).

He is saying he can’t stay home to look after me and DS. Usually I would say fair enough but given how unwell I am and his casual working environment this week, AIBU? I am worried about taking care of DS like this (and I know single mothers manage but they don’t have a choice IYSWIM)

giftsonthebrain Thu 03-Jan-19 15:25:18
Sounds like you better get the flu shot in years to come. Might decrease the chances of this happening again.

Yeah, I don't think disease prevention is really the main issue coming out of this thread though is it, "try harder not to get sick OP. You've brought on DP's twatery yourself don't you know". This is about looking after your partner when they're sick or need you.

Btw I don’t actually think I ever said I had the flu? I said my family had the flu and I had a temperature and felt poorly?

DH on the way home....

Hope your ok OP.

I have been hospitalised this week for flu. I came down suddenly Christmas Eve, and forced myself to cook a three course Christmas dinner, do all he presents and host a party Boxing Day. It was only on the 27th when I couldn’t breath and collapsed that my OH rang an ambulance where they confirmed flu.

I did assume it was just a cold, and like you, I got on with the day because I had to but it was hard and I absolutely wouldn’t have been able to get through it without my OH support.

You OH is being a dick. Even if you can get through the day sometimes you need looking after.

Hope you make a full recovery soon and that your OH gets his head of his arse!

tunnocks34

Oh my gosh! I hope that you are on the mend - sounds awful

I actually hope your Dh gets it just so you can leave him to fend for himself, the selfish asshole. If he does don't get him as much as a tissue to blow his nose. I'd also have him in another room or move to one yourself and no way would I have him anywhere near me for a very long time. I honestly don't know if I could forgive my Dh if this happened me.

He'll probably want praise for coming home early. Pass him the baby and go straight to bed.

Baby is asleep on me but as soon as he wakes up he is going to DH and I am going to bed. He’s home and I haven’t had any apology or understanding, nothing. He better hope DS doesnt have any pooey nappies this evening, otherwise I might accidentally leave one underneath his pillow 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

@crispysausagerolls I have forgiven him because I'm terrible at bearing a grudge but I've not been overly sympathetic towards the cold he has currently!

I don't think my Mum was particularly impressed tbh but she stepped up because me and DS needed her. I think she thinks he was a bit of a knob though

Ugh, I couldn’t be with someone that mean and selfish. And critical and uncaring.

polkadotpixie

Ha - enjoy your revenge with his cold! I’m
Also terrible
At bearing a grudge though so will
Probably never be able to do the same 😭

Can't believe what knobs and arseholes some women have for partners and husbands.

You all deserve better!

Mine did this to me years ago . The youngest was almost one and the toddler 2.5. We were all really poorly. Youngest wanted to bf all day and I was to ill to keep anything down. By the time he came home I couldn’t even see straight.

It was probably lucky we were all ill , it would have been worse if they were ok and running around. I never really forgave him even though it took another 5 years and plenty of other incidences where he didn’t prioritise us before I left

I think this is a pretty common situation and most employers wouldn't understand a partner staying home in this situation

Bollocks. That's what emergency leave, flexitime etc is for. Last winter I had emergency leave (for domestic emergency) after my pipes burst. I had a team manager who would simply reschedule his meetings and go if a child was ill at school because he was the contact parent.

@Tinselandtoblerones yes I do have a long term health condition. I can normally cope but baby was so uncomfortable getting to sleep at 4am and eldest was also ill (mildly) and up at 6am. I managed 2 nights of that but couldn't physically do any more and was worried about looking after them on no sleep and the effect on my own health issues. So no I wasn't embarrassed. He's only ever taken one day off last minute to cover for me being too sick to look after children so I don't feel embarrassed asking when I really need it. Thankfully she got better and he went anyway

God I am just so angry, someone help me calm down please! He’s finally taken DS so
I should go to sleep but I am so annoyed - he has been saying I don’t respect his job because I asked him to stay home, that he knew I would be ok (does he have a crystal ball?!) and he’s never heard of someone staying home because their wife has a fever.

Just take it out on him, if you’re that angry it’s probably better out than in

fangtasticbeast

Was it always work that came first?

I guess you find out what sort of partner you have when things like this happen. It must be a very sobering thought to find that he cares so little about the wellbeing of you or your child. I honestly don't know how you can joke about planting pooey nappies etc because his behaviour is awful. At least you know now that any crisis in your life you will most likely be dealing with on your own!

I think the whole thing has been compounded by his attitude. Let’s say his attitude was “I’m
So
Bloody sorry, I need to attend a couple
Of meetings but I will call every hour to check on you/look
Into emergency nanny/leave at 2pm on the dot after my last meeting”....it’s just the attitude that he didn’t believe how incapable I felt and isn’t sorry etc etc making me
So much more annoyed

From what you have just said about you "not respecting his job" and everything else I would probably end the relationship IF IT WAS ME! I wouldn't tolerate callous disregard for myself or my son by someone who is supposed to care for us.

XiCi

Just using humour to try to cheer myself up a bit - but I am very upset

He's a self-justifying twat. Sorry, no help to you calming down, but he is.

Show him the thread, FULL of husbands staying home to care for their children when their usual childcare is incapacitated.

He needs to understand.

He was not required home to care for YOU (although that might have been nice).

He was required home to care for HIS BABY (who you were too ill to look after).

EKGEMS

He then “threatened” to quit his job! I was like please go ahead - he was doing this job long before he met me (at another company) and would be doing it regardless. I am in no way responsible for his hours or working life, and if he wants to quit and do something else and rearrange our life and structure that’s fine by me. He backtracked very quickly when I said all that though...

Nosquirrels

I told
Him
About the thread and he said he doesn’t care what anyone else says/thinks

Not a chance that someone like this would care about this thread. What did your mum think OP? Was she surprised at his behaviour?