To try and persuade DD to not get a tattoo?

[TurquoiseSeal]

DD plays a video game (a lot) and is almost 19. She wants her first tattoo and has had a design done which is literally a character from the game. As she's so young, it might seem cool now, but I really think it's the type you're going to regret, she won't play this game forever. She plans on using the birthday money from us (she is a uni student so doesn't have another way to fund it really) so I'm slightly reluctant to now give money on her birthday. AIBU to have these feelings and persuade her or?

Obviously you can’t physically stop her but I really feel for you. All you can do is make it plain to her that you disapprove and why. Perhaps show her some pics of tattoos with a wedding dress or remind her that many mainstream employers frown on tattoos. Remind her of the cost of removal too. Massively expensive compared to tattoos. Is there anything else she really covets that you could bribe her with? I’d also consider appearing approving of piercings here as they can be removed with limited damage if she changes her mind later. Good luck!

I mean, Robin Williams named his daughter after a game he loved playing. Sometimes people don’t grow out of games. My best friend still loves to play the old school games from our childhood too.

I wouldn’t discourage my DC from any tattoos unless they were ghastly tribal ones or the name of a partner .

Why not put her birthday money into a trust fund that she can not access until she is 25? With luck, she will be more mature, and tattoos (and her game) may be out of fashion by then.
You could also point out that the NHS will not pay for tattoo removal, laser treatment is expensive and can leave scarring.
If she still persists at 25, at least advise her to site it somewhere hidden or easily covered for job interviews, particularly if she is applying for professional roles dealing with clients or the public.
Employers may be of an older generation and regard tattoos as only suitable for sailors or criminals.
Finally, tell her to check the tattoo parlour is using sterile equipment - I recall one being closed down in my city after causing several cases of hepatitis B.

Gosh some parents are controlling over their adult children

By all means ask “have you thought it through”. Insist on research into the studio and artist.

Other than that not your business. You hate tattoos? Cool, don’t get one. Leave your adult children to make their own decisions.

My ds decided to get a tattoo ages 18. He’s always been impulsive so I begged him to wait a year to be certain. He didn’t. He had a fairly amateur looking Om on his shoulder which I don’t hate but hey. The fact is that he now regrets having it.

Getting a game character is only one step removed from the stupidity of having a teenage boyfriends name tattooed on you. In this situation I’d be as horrified as you and would probably resort to any tactic to change her mind even if it means her getting a different tattoo which is less likely to cause her regret later on.

My best friend is 48. She has a vividly coloured Mohican which changes colour weekly. She has eight piercings in each ear, a tongue piercing, a nose piercing, and wears more makeup than David Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust days.
She also has four decent sized tattoos which her mother is utterly unaware of. l always know when we're going to her mums by the way she's dressed when l arrive. Covered up/long sleeves - we're going to her mums.
However.... When we were at her mums before Christmas, she astounded us both by announcing that she'd "quite fancy a nose piercing". She's 72! My friend's face was a picture.
l think it really depends on where she wants the tattoo, and how big it is. l have five, and l don't regret any of them. They're not big, only two of them are visible on a daily basis, and only then if my wrists are exposed. l can see both sides to this. lt also depends on the type of job she's going for, too. l was with the police for 28 years, and when l first started, the only ones with tattoos were usually ex servicemen. When l left, nobody batted an eyelid at a tattoo. Even full sleeves.

"Employers may be of an older generation and regard tattoos as only suitable for sailors or criminals. "

Seriously? l'm 60. l suppose l'm "of an older generation" and l've never considered tattoos as "only suitable for sailors or criminals". l have tattoos and l'm neither. Although l did work in the Criminal Justice system for 28 years.

I have a couple of shit tattoos from when I was 19 and 24 respectively - a dolphin, which totally dates me as being 19 in the 90's, and japanese writing at the base of my back - classic tramp stamp as they became known. I find them funny, and they have never bothered me. It took me another 16 years to get my next tattoo - and now I have 7 total, though the ones since I am 40 are genuinely lovely, with amazing artists, I've sat on waiting lists for a year to get in to see. I kind of like the fact I've got such shit cliched 90's and 00's tats as a reminder of my youth though!

You can't stop her. It's her body and her Christmas money to do as she likes.
All we do as parents is create the blank canvas for our offspring to decorate as they like!
My dd 24 and ds 30 both have tattoos (whole sleeves) that they designed with the help of a brilliant tattoo artist. It's just art on your body to express yourself and some of it is beautiful and meaningful.
I m 51 in a few weeks and my dc are paying for me to have a tattoo of something that means a lot to me. My first one. I didn't have the money as a young mum.
We also have different colours in our hair and all have jobs that don't discriminate.
Dd has a cartoon of the joker on her arm and hasn't regretted it as she's always loved him.
As long as the tattoo parlour is good and hygienic (see reviews online) she will be fine.....and can always cover it up with an alternative tattoo if she doesn't like it in later life.

I would use your energy to help and encourage her to research decent artists so it can at least be done nicely

I think you'd be better off talking to her about sensible tattoo placement rather than trying to dissuade her.

You aren't likely to change her mind, she is old enough to have a tattoo and it's her body. You can help her decide where to place the tattoo though and help her find a decent artist.

My 19 yo son had a tattoo and regretted it within a week.

THe design is not prticulatrly significant, but I think he felt it was a right of passage,

Thankfully it is on his upper arm so won't impact his life too much.

^^sorry birthday money not Christmas

You can't stop your daughter having a tattoo but don't facilitate it, ie don't give her money. I agree with you that she willl probably regret it and in a few years the fashion for tattoos will have gone. It costs a lot to have them removed.

The idea of her wanting her 'first' tattoo is amusing in a way, it sounds as though it is a rite of passage.

Horrible. You're her mum, she's an adult but do show your distaste for the idea without banging on about it. Perhaps have other people round who share your views, there are plenty of them.

There's nothing more beautiful than fresh, clean skin. You don't see the Duchess of Cambrige or Zara Tyndall with any tattoos. They are simply gross.

I got a tattoo at 18 but I'd been consistent in what I wanted and where I wanted it since I was about 13. I've never regretted it because of that.

There is a company that will make semi permanent transfers in whatever design you want. You could recommend she buys then first, wears it for a few months then see how it goes. Sorry I can't help with the company name it's lost in the back of my head.

You don't see the Duchess of Cambrige or Zara Tyndall with any tattoos

That you can see

You don't see the duchess of Cambridge or Zara tyndell with any tattoos
So what? OP s dd is an individual and may not admire those ladies. She s 19.

I got a tattoo at 21 just cos I wanted one really. I'm 30 now and not particularly enamoured with the wording (its a quote on my ribs) but I've never regretted it and still like the look of it. Plus, its only visible when on holiday so there's that.

My mum hates tattoos, I just got it anyway and didn't tell her, she discovered a couple years later when we were on holiday together :)

Check out ink box tattoos. I think their semi permanent and can be designed to be original. She could try one of those, see how she felt and then either go for it permanently or not.
Ps I have a tattoo and I forget it's there!

A friend of mine used to work as a nurse at a psychiatric ward. He found the trend with tattoos so bloody annoying as it made it more difficult to find the patients who had run away. They used to be able to find them just by asking passerbys if they had seen anyone with tattoos. Cue an upset friend angrily asking him: "So are you saying that only people with serious mental issues used to have tattoes?" (We are all guessing, that this person either had a secret tattoo or was wanting to get one). My friend calmly replying: "No, no. Not at all. Prostitues, criminals and sailors have them too". For some funny reason, no one in his family has a tattoo.

One of my nieces have a couple of tattoos. They look like something that an 11 year old girl would draw. She might not be embarrassed by them, but I am, as they are so obviously only done to get a tattoo because it was trending at the time.

Heavily tattooed why?
sounds grim.

Judgemental why?
Sounds grim.

I asked DD that she have the design as her phone wallpaper for 12 months. If she was still happy looking at it every day then go for it. She did just that and to be fair it was a lovely design.

A friend of mine used to work as a nurse at a psychiatric ward. He found the trend with tattoos so bloody annoying as it made it more difficult to find the patients who had run away. They used to be able to find them just by asking passerbys if they had seen anyone with tattoos. Cue an upset friend angrily asking him: "So are you saying that only people with serious mental issues used to have tattoes?" (We are all guessing, that this person either had a secret tattoo or was wanting to get one). My friend calmly replying: "No, no. Not at all. Prostitues, criminals and sailors have them too". For some funny reason, no one in his family has a tattoo

Today’s entry in things that never happened

YABU it’s her body to with what she likes I got my first tattoo at 21 I had always wanted a tattoo I now have 6 and they all have a meaning my mum and my sister have tattoos and we all have the same tattoo design on us.

I don't think there's much you can do as she is an adult and I suppose there are worse things she could do. I'm not a tattoo fan, I've never seen one that I thought looked good and my kids do know that I don't like them. I hope they never have them and I probably would try to make them wait and think really carefully before going ahead.

YABVU.

What are you teaching her by trying to police what she does with her own body?
If she wants a tattoo - it's her choice. If she hates it in a few years time - that's her regret to have.

Absolutely nothing to do with you. You shouldn't even really be voicing your opinion to her; she's old enough to have a tattoo now.