To try and persuade DD to not get a tattoo?

[TurquoiseSeal]

DD plays a video game (a lot) and is almost 19. She wants her first tattoo and has had a design done which is literally a character from the game. As she's so young, it might seem cool now, but I really think it's the type you're going to regret, she won't play this game forever. She plans on using the birthday money from us (she is a uni student so doesn't have another way to fund it really) so I'm slightly reluctant to now give money on her birthday. AIBU to have these feelings and persuade her or?

Sweet Jesus none of your beeswax!! Can't believe you will withhold birthday money. That is controlling and exploiting the power imbalance. What are you going to do if she gets a part time job and gets an even bigger one with the money?!

Her body, her choice.

“Don't know how that can be seen as anything but controlling.”

It doesn’t seem controlling to me at all. If she wants a tattoo, she can get her own money for it.

I’m not a fan of tattoos, so I understand your point of view, but the reality is that your daughter is an adult and she can do whatever she wants to her own body without asking your permission.

If my mum had tried to tell me not to do something when I was 19, she would have received a very blunt response.

So many abusive parents here, feel so sorry for all the kids being controlled. I hope they find peace away from their awful parents.

@Krieger or she might call her mum's bluff and then both of them get a tattoo!

@Magentaorwagenta I would argue that birthday presents of any form are not a right and as such withholding them or not giving the requested gift is not controlling. If she gave money with conditions, that could be considered controlling, but if she takes money off the table, even if DD promises not to get a tattoo, I don't think it could be considered as such.

If DD gets a job and pays for it herself, more power to her, but no one has to fund an adult child's choices. If my kid decided to use any money given to her to buy cigarettes, you can bet she'd not be getting money as a gift again. Yes, it's legal, and her body, her choice, but I don't have to facilitate that.

Bishop - it’s not abusive to want your child to have the best opportunities possible, tattoos limit that. Luckily my DD told me today she thinks they’re ugly so hopefully she won’t go down that path..

Hell would freeze over before I gave my DC money to use to mutilate themselves. YANBU.

@Carrotss another abusive parent... wrong on so many levels.

@IAmAlwaysLikeThis putting conditions on a gift is manipulative and controlling.

Really do feel for some teens with the POVs coming across on here.

Personally I hate tattoos. Three of my four children have tattoos. None of my damn business what they as adults do with their bodies.

Do people on MN seriously wipe their hands of their DC the minute they've turned 18?

Eighteen years of guiding them, teaching them manners and a love of learning, to be kind to animals and other people, to do homework first then go to the party. Support them through difficult times and encourage them to think before they jump.

Suddenly at 18, 2 minutes after midnight it's 'none of your beeswax', go and make mistakes. I'll watch you do things that I know are an error because parents mustn't interfere because you're an adult now?? Honestly I despair.

Thank God my DM spoke up when I was getting serious with a boyfriend in my early 20s. Exciting he may have been but certainly not for the long term. I can look at him now and thank her for a lucky escape. Sadly my DStep mum didn't do the same for my DSis and she's in an awful financial situation and keeps making the same mistakes. Nobody has actually said anything to her. Nobody interferes unfortunately.

She was also horrified when I was going to get eyeliner tattooed on because I couldn't be bothered putting it on every day. Thank God for that because I'd look a right old trout now.

I still ask my mum's advice (and still asked both my grans when they were still alive) because they've been through all kinds of similar situations and can point out potholes or give reassurance as appropriate.

I've never forbidden my DC to do anything. Not taken phones away nor enforced early bedtimes. They know how much sleep they need. Instead we've discussed consequences. I'm certainly less controlling than a lot of parents on here. But if it's something major I'd certainly 'interfere'. I love them. Why wouldn't I?

Sweet Jesus none of your beeswax!! Can't believe you will withhold birthday money. Thatiscontrolling and exploiting the power imbalance

Are you feeling ok hun?

Why wouldn’t you? Because you’re a parent to an ADULT when they turn 18. Not a child. If my mum was that overbearing I’d have fucked off a long time ago.

Suddenly at 18, 2 minutes after midnight it's 'none of your beeswax', go and make mistakes. I'll watch you do things that I know are an error because parents mustn't interfere because you're an adult now??

No. Most people I'm sure still give their children advice and tell them their opinions on things. What they don't do is withhold money from them or try to control them in other ways. You give your advice and then let them make their own decision. Especially when it's something as minor as a tattoo.

speakout, of course tattoos don't have to mean anything if you don't want them too. They just chose theirs because they did ( recovering from different illnesses). DH chose his because he liked them.

I suppose I don't consider a tattoo as minor carotss

And it's just ridiculous to suggest that parents who have ADULT children and don't get hung up over tattoos wouldn't give them advice/help them avoid debt/drugs etc. Where the fuck did that leap come from?
I did suggest that the tattoos weren't somewhere too obvious due to some people's attitudes, but unless their jobs involve becoming strippers, you can't see them.

My son has tattoos,and one is a big Liverpool Crest and the words "You'll never walk alone"
His body.And i will always be supportive of my kids.And not emotionally blackmail them to do what i want.

@WhoTookTheChristmasCookie

another abusive parent... wrong on so many levels

Did you report my post? It was satire to demonstrate how stupid the people saying that about tattoos are! And then MNHQ bans my account but not the ones saying the EXACT same thing about their kids getting tattoos. WTF?

Carrotsss didn't you know you have to put ?

cookie well you have a much broader interpretation of controlling than me then.

If your kid was going to use the money to go to Thailand and sit getting stoned for six months, I spose you’d be up for that too would you?

Honestly, leave your daughter alone to do what she wants. You have no say whatsoever over her bodily autonomy.

And for what it's worth everybody told me that I would regret my first tattoo ( age 14). Im now 39 and have several quite large tattoos and regret none. My second largest is a Labyrinth tattoo and I fell in love with that movie as a primary school kid. I still love it.

It's not abuse to refuse to give your adult child money for a non-essential, for pity's sake.

Heck, it's not abuse to refuse to give your adult child any money whatsoever. It's not abuse to refuse to give them a birthday present. Or even to refuse to house and feed them. Legally, you don't have to provide for them at all- they are adults. The word abuse is being watered down to a ridiculous extent here. IMO it risks undermining the victims of actual abuse.

I am a bit weird with tattoos
I absolutely hate the little ones dottered around (sorry that's just me)
But I love when someone has a really good sleeve done well as that is art in my eyes.

I can’t get behind the posters who think those who are getting tattoos are ‘mutilating’ their bodies. I started self-harming at 15, I sat in A&E with my parents the night before my GCSE English exam waiting to get stitches because I’d cut so deeply and hit an artery. I have mutilated my body over the years and it is a mess of scars which look awful, far far worse than any tattoo. I just don’t see how anybody can see a tattoo as self-mutilation.

I personally don’t really like tattoos but if any of my DC wanted to get one I couldn’t get worked up about it, there’s so much worse they could be doing to themselves. And at 19 your DD is an adult and old enough to make her own choices.