To try and persuade DD to not get a tattoo?

[TurquoiseSeal]

DD plays a video game (a lot) and is almost 19. She wants her first tattoo and has had a design done which is literally a character from the game. As she's so young, it might seem cool now, but I really think it's the type you're going to regret, she won't play this game forever. She plans on using the birthday money from us (she is a uni student so doesn't have another way to fund it really) so I'm slightly reluctant to now give money on her birthday. AIBU to have these feelings and persuade her or?

I've told both my kids that if they get tattoos, I'm cutting off the finances!
So, slay me!
We have an extremely warm, loving and humorous relationship, and I can assure you neither one of them is desperate to escape my controlling clutches.
Fortunately, they're both way too stylish to want to get any anyway.

And I'm seriously stunned to read how many people on here are making out that if a parent had advised/told them not to get a tattoo, they'd have gone straight out and got one (to spite them?).

Seriously? Do people really run their lives like that?

@Carrotsss no I didn't report your post! Pretty hard to tell apart the satire and serious posts on here at the moment with how ridiculous some posters are being.

Wasn't me that reported you though.

@IAmAlwaysLikeThis yes, because getting a tattoo and going to Thailand for 6 months purely to smoke an illegal drug is exactly the same thing.
Excellent comparison.

Still, if I gifted money, it's not up to me to decide what the recipient (my adult child or not) chooses to do with it.

Posters are really twisting the point here.

I'm not saying it's abusive to not give your child money or to refuse to give them a birthday present (although, if you could afford to it would make you dick to not do so.)

My point is that it's controlling to give your adult child cash for a gift then slap conditions on the money and threaten to take it back if they don't abide by your rules.
How could that be anything but abusive?

'You can have this money but if you intend on spending it on something you want but I don't like, you're not having it. I am your parent and this is final.'
Poor kids.

I’m 45. I’ve always wanted the seal of the High Council of Timelords. I’ve got a badge I bought at my first convention. Only an inch and a half. I keep looking at the badge and thinking ‘do it’ but the pain......

I was with a really strict and quite abusive J witness when I was 16. After 7 long years of being told what to wear and who to see I finally broke up with him and unfortunately went off the rails. The end result 7 tatoos (two quite big) and I hate them now I’m 30 and have just had my first child. I will try to guide him away from getting any tattoos but who knows what he will want to do when he is older 🤷🏻‍♀️

My parents gifted us money but only to pay off part of our mortgages and nothing else.
Bloody generous if you ask me and not controlling at all.
Same principle

DD has lots of tattoos in extremely visible places. I'm not a fan, I wish she hadn't, but I had to accept it was her choice. Except for the last time she got two...they were spur of the moment and she got them because a friend asked her to take them to the tatooist. They don't seem to have the intensely personal meaning to her that her others do, and I think in time she will regret them (and they are not well done compared to her others). I made the mistake of saying something and asking her to at least take some time in the future and be sure they were designs she could live with forever. It did not go down well..and it won't stop her. I shan't mention it again..I'd rather preserve our relationship. That seems more important.

Haven't rtft OP but I had this conversation with my own DD yesterday. Her Dad is firmly against tats, I am neutral.
I am fortunate in that she is able to take on board concerns about designs and regrets but at the end of the day it IS her body.
She is aware of how people are judgy/interviews etc
She did talk of how those with tats, even those with ones they are less keen on now, do speak of how those tats are like a timeline, a memory, a reminder of where they were in their life at that age.
We have talked about size, cost of lasering/redesigning, skin that stretches or shrinks, colours that fade etc etc
I have told her she will never have her dad's approval, encouragement or endorsement but nor should she seek it/need it - it should be something she wants for her and her alone.
She has long hair and a buzzcut undercut - this is great because she can choose when to have hair up/down depending on the situation and the audience. The compromise therefore is her choosing a design she likes, asking me for my opinion on design but ultimately her choice and finally having it somewhere discreet which she can choose or not to display, like she does with her buzzcut.

For me the most important thing is hygiene, safety, professionalism and an (expensive) recommended artist for a decent result and aftercare advice. And to hold her hand obviously.
Some might say enabling but it is her body and she is empowered to do what she wants to do, the same as for piercings (we discussed these too but she has backed off the idea because of potential for allergies/infection). I think it is not unreasonable to want to have a discussion of pros and cons but downright attempts to dissuade/veto means more chance she will have it done by herself and then you cannot help her find the best place to do it. I know which I prefer.

Not your body, not your choice.

You can gently tell her your opinion on the matter, but ultimately the decision is hers alone.

The point of birthday money is so that the person can buy something of their choosing, if you don't want to fund it, buy her a gift you approve of.

I got my first tattoo last summer. My husband paid for it as a birthday present for me. He isn't a fan of tattoos personally and would rather I didn't have one, but he respected that I'm an adult who can make my own choices.

@Carrotss was a pbp, looks like they've re regged, though

Haven't read the whole thread, but the Obamas said to their daughters that they are completely fine with them getting tattoos....and that they would get matching ones too when/if they did.
I imagine it had the right affect!

Are we looking to the Obamas for parenting advice now?

Why not? They seem to be doing a pretty good job.

the Obamas said to their daughters that they are completely fine with them getting tattoos....and that they would get matching ones too when/if they did.

Love that - more likely to put them off having them!

@Carrotss was a pbp, looks like they've re regged, though

Took me a good few seconds to work out what this said!

Why not? They seem to be doing a pretty good job.

How do you know? Are they friends of yours?