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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DPs self inflicted health related sickness

152 replies

DecorationsAreDown · 02/01/2019 21:11

DP (Age 50+) has a life long condition managed successfully with daily medication.
We have been together for 3 years & live together.
In the 3 years he has had about 15 ‘episodes ‘ which result in 4-5 days of recovery
Day 1 : cannot move except to use the loo
Day 2 : able to shower but can’t form sentences or move beyond moving to the settee
Day 3 : headachy & slow movements
Until back to normal day 5-6

I have absolute sympathy for this condition.
My issue is that every single episode has been caused by partying which he knows is the cause.
So since 6am on NYD I have been attending to his every whim. Under normal circumstances I would have absolutely no problem doing so but he has basically been drunk for the entire holiday period & now I’m walking on egg shells so he can recover .
He says I’m being unsympathetic

OP posts:
Palegreenstars · 02/01/2019 21:13

What did he do before you met him? Look after himself?

Windgate · 02/01/2019 21:15

So why are you with/wasting time on this person?

Wordthe · 02/01/2019 21:15

He sounds manipulative and a problem drinker and he has you over a barrel

SheilaHammond · 02/01/2019 21:15

He’s being unreasonable. My DH also has a chronic condition that alcohol and stress aggravate. I’d be unimpressed if he was so irresponsible to risk his health when it’s totally avoidable.

StartingGrid · 02/01/2019 21:15

YABU. My DP gets a sore throat after drinking yet still does and moans about it, so I know exactly how frustrating this must be for you!

Miggeldy · 02/01/2019 21:16

Do you really want to be condemned to this life sentence?
Give him the boot when he's well again.

Forever.

StartingGrid · 02/01/2019 21:18

Sorry, YANBU!

Jammysod · 02/01/2019 21:18

I'd have no sympathy in your shoes either. If he knows what's causing it, he should stop doing it & expecting you to pick up the pieces.

AnyFucker · 02/01/2019 21:18

What is this medical condition and why are you letting it rule your life ?

ButteryParsnips · 02/01/2019 21:19

You are and rightly so. He's brought it on himself. What did he do before you got together? Or has he always relied on others to look after him?

Bellebelle · 02/01/2019 21:19

This would really annoy me too. I have very little sympathy for people when they have a normal hangover but someone repeatedly knowingly making themselves ill would drive me nuts!

halfwitpicker · 02/01/2019 21:20

Sounds unreasonable

Fairylea · 02/01/2019 21:20

What is his medical condition?

If he can’t drink without it making him seriously unwell he’s an idiot for drinking and you are not unreasonable to be furious with him.

I have chronic health conditions and no way could I or would I drink alcohol with the ones I have, I would be seriously unwell.

ChristmasFlary · 02/01/2019 21:20

I have a life long medical condition and in order to stay well have had to make changes.

If he wants to risk his life then that's his choice. You have the choice to either pander to him or not.

MadeForThis · 02/01/2019 21:22

He has a problem with alcohol. If it makes him as sick as this - for a week - and he continues to do it almost every 2 months, he has a problem.

No normal person would continue to drink if it incapacitated them for a week.

He won't change. Especially when he has you to look after him.

Original poster
DecorationsAreDown · 02/01/2019 21:23

He was married for many years before we got together.
He did have an episode in between his divorce & when we got together & his ex delivered sandwich’s to his door - I’m embarrassed just writing that it’s so pathetic!

OP posts:
thesnapandfartisinfallible · 02/01/2019 21:24

Oh for goodness sake. If this is triggered by alcohol then he either needs to be teetotal or sort himself out during this 'recovery.' What is the matter with some people that they can't enjoy themselves without drinking? I'd find that a seriously unattractive trait and couldn't live like that.

museumum · 02/01/2019 21:25

15 times in 3 yrs is too often. But I must admit I’d probably do it to myself once a year or so, just because I’m not perfect or always sensible.

Fairylea · 02/01/2019 21:25

So if you stop pandering to him what would happen?

Stardustinmyeyes · 02/01/2019 21:26

Stop enabling him, let him suffer the consequences.
Stomp on the eggs, it might be messy but he needs to take responsibility for his own health issues.
I had a stroke 2months ago. I was told pack in smoking so I have, I miss it so much even though it's a vile habit , 46 years of habit isn't easy to do away with. but I don't give my DH grief because I can't smoke it's my choice to stop. It's my health and mine to deal with.

ISmellBabies · 02/01/2019 21:26

Is it ME? Sounds like he is being very selfish and silly setting it off every couple of months, he needs to manage his condition better and I say that as a sufferer myself. It's sad but he needs to accept he can't do the things he used to anymore. How is he holding down a job? If he isn't then he needs to be saving his energy for that instead of boozing.

Cheerbear23 · 02/01/2019 21:27

It’s not unsympathetic if it’s self inflicted.
I would stop assisting him if he brings it on himself, does he agree he’s causing these episodes?

MadameButterface · 02/01/2019 21:30

He is a problem drinker

His drinking is affecting his life and his loved ones’ lives

He must know this. He must know that he should either stop or stick to one or two drinks, but for whatever reason, he is unable to. He’s an alcoholic and you are enabling him.

He has an average of 5 episodes a year since being with you, but only had one while single? Either he wasn’t single for very long or he managed to rein it in knowing he had no one looking after him.

comebacksoonsusan · 02/01/2019 21:31

He's a twat.

CardsforKittens · 02/01/2019 21:32

I can see why people with serious health conditions want to live as normally as possible, but 15 self-inflicted episodes in 3 years seems like a lot. Well, more than I could summon sympathy for, given that these episodes last 5 days. YANBU.